Fun Times

After two-or-so hours of reading, example-ing, and talking to myself, I finally understand percentiles!

It was so worth it.

A New Hope

Hope hath been restored in my dreams of being a math tutor.

I'm thinking that all these good things that have been happening during this break are because I started reading scriptures every day during the break. My roommate was talking to me once about something, and I don't remember if I asked her a question, or if this was just part of her story, but she said something about that doing the little things, like reading the scriptures every day, make a huge difference. This didn't make sense to me, how something so small as reading the scriptures could make such a difference. It's just reading. But then another time after that I was talking to my mom, and complaining about something or other, and she said, "I thought of something. Have you been reading your scriptures every day?" I hadn't, and she told me to, and then she said that it makes a difference. There were also a lot of testimonies given this semester in my ward about how powerful reading the scriptures every day could be. I kept hearing this, and I knew that there must be a reason why everyone kept saying it, but I still didn't get it. I didn't understand how just by reading the scriptures, there will be big improvements in your life.

During the break, I've actually had ample time to read my scriptures, so I have been. And I've had a lot of good things happen: I got to work at Great Harvest for 3 days and earned $110, I had an awesome Christmas Eve and an awesome Christmas, I got to go to a friend's house on Sunday and just hang out, someone bought my contract that I've been really worried about not selling, and it's likely that I'll get to be a math tutor.

I still don't know how reading the scriptures every day makes that big of a difference. I can see how saying prayers helps you to remember Christ and Heavenly Father and your dependence on them, I can see how keeping the law of chastity and word of wisdom help, I can see how going to church helps. But just reading? I don't understand. But I love it. And I love all the people that Heavenly Father put in my path so that I would learn this, among numerous other things. I am so thankful for this church. I would be lost without it. It gives me purpose, it gives me hope, it gives me perspective, it gives me guidance. 

I am so grateful. 

Vivid Dreams

So I decided to start my morning off by reading my calculus book.

And then I spent an hour (or two) making sense of the formal definition of a function, until I REALLY understood it for sure.

I understand it now. Math makes even more sense when you understand the reasons behind everything.

It's so dang cool.


I had a dream about calculus last night. And chemistry.
This took place in a ginormous building that had classrooms, labs, a giant library/computer room on one of the higher floors with windows taking up the ceiling and walls (it sort of reminded me of a terminal), escalators, stairs; almost like a mall/terminal that had been gutted and turned into a school, but even bigger, with, like, five floors and a basement.

It was the last day of school. For some reason, I was rushing around the school. I could see into the classrooms as I ran past: in the basement were the lab classrooms, college-age kids slouching on the lab stools, head on their hands, waiting for the class to be over as the teacher just lecturelecturelectured; up the stairs, skip the first floor, which had tons of students walking around, going to classes; on the second floor, chemistry classrooms, where I see my chemistry teacher (who had been teaching my trigonometry class also), and I paused to talk to him about the class and to ask him a question about my calculator and some assignments, he told me that I had to turn in my calculator before a certain time and that I'd better hurry, since it was almost that time, so I was running, running, running (and this is where I realised why I was running); up to the third floor, where there was a cafeteria; up the stairs again, running so fast past the fourth floor; fifth floor, where all the math classrooms were, and also the giant computer lab, and there were tons of students on the computers, some walking around, doing some last-minute last-day stuff, discussing things with their teachers.

When I got up to the fifth floor, my chemistry teacher was there, and I gave him my calculator. It was a few minutes past the time, however, so he took points off of my grade. He had these eight blue tickets, like the kind for raffles, only larger. He tore off five of them, kept those, and gave me the remaining three. I wasn't given the five because of the calculator being turned in late and because I had also lost points for the assignments I had been asking about. This was on top of a lot of points that he had taken off my grade because of the assignments. I was very disappointed and mad at myself, but I didn't hate the teacher, because he was cool, and it was mostly my fault (This part of my dream mirrors real life: a similar thing happened with my stats teacher, where he didn't count an assignment, so I got a B in the class, but I still like the guy. He's a good teacher. I'm thinking that this part of my dream also translates to my knowing I could have done better than I did in my classes last semester, which really makes me mad at myself. I could have done better.)
But there were still three tickets left, and he gave those to me, and said that they were each worth 32 extra credit points on my final exam. I was a bit alarmed, because I didn't know about this exam (I thought I was done with all my finals), and because if there were eight tickets that I could have gotten, and they were each worth 32 points, then did that mean that I would need all those points because the exam was so hard and I would miss a ton? Then he gave me the take-home final that was maybe 100 pages thick, all word problems that combined trigonometry and chemistry. He explained that it was due on January 4th, the day before winter semester began. I looked at the first problem (it took up half of the first page just explaining the problem), and I was scared for my life. I knew it was going to take FOREVER. Later, I realised that I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to take it in the testing center (which would have been bad, since the testing center was closed for the break) or at home, and I couldn't contact my chem teacher, since it was break. So I was moderately stressed about the test, and upset at myself for the points and the five tickets that I lost. This was for trigonometry, and I thought for sure that I'd get an A in trigonometry, but now it looked as though I would be lucky to get a B. I was very disappointed in myself. 

So school was over, and classes were out, and there were lots of people just lingering, talking, getting a few more things done. I was walking down the stairs, down to the first floor. I reached the landing of the first floor, and there was a periodical table posted on the wall across from the stairs and a bookcase on the wall adjacent to the stairs, on the left. The door to go to the first floor was opposite the bookcase-wall, and the stairs to go down were to the right of the stairs that went up. I went to check out the bookcase. There weren't books in there, but little chemistry sets and models and beakers and such. There was this one glass model that was an outline of a hexagon, with a total "diameter" of maybe two feet, but the middle had no glass. The outline was one inch tall and one inch wide, and the whole thing was pretty large and heavy, but also incredibly fragile. I took it off the shelf, because it explained a question that I had about chemistry or something, but I set it on the floor, and it just shattered. Some of the glass went over the floor, but most of it stayed in the hexagonal shape. I stepped on some of the glass, because for some reason, right then, I was wearing socks. It hurt, and blood was leaking through my socks. Then one of the girls who used to be in my chem class (she was actually in my chem class last semester, and she's really smart), but who was now in O-chem and a couple of other chem classes, and physics too, came down the stairs. She saw me, and I asked her the question that I had been trying to figure out with the model. She said something like "Oh, I know this!" then came on the landing with me and started to piece the model back together. I told her, "Don't come down here, there's glass all over the place" but she just said, "Nah, I won't step on it. It can't hurt me" or something to that effect. And she didn't step on the glass, and I knew she couldn't step on the glass (I had no idea why she couldn't) but I was still worried. Then another chem teacher (who's a biochem teacher at my school. I've never had him, but he seems cool. I have no idea why he was in my dream.) popped his head around the corner and made some comment about the question that I was asking, but his comment didn't answer my question all the way. He also said something to the girl about one of the classes that she had with him. She responded, then continued to put the model back together. She couldn't exactly remember how the model was supposed to go, so she couldn't answer my question. She was trying to remember how the model went, and when she was able to remember that, then she'd remember the answer to my question. The answer to my question was the model, or something, but I didn't understand the model all the way. I was just standing there, my feet hurting, waiting for her to remember how to reassemble the model (and she could reassemble it, even though it was glass, and it was broken). She was taking a while, though. The biochem teacher came back, and started explaining to her how to put it back together. As he was explaining it, she was saying "Oh, that's right" and other such exclamations of remembrance. They were still putting it back together, but I left for some reason. 

There was also this other part, where I was with one of my friends in the girl's bathroom. The bathroom was huge, but it was all just stalls and sinks. The bathroom was poorly lit (pitch black in some corners), dirty, dingy. The ceiling was high. The walls were this dark, rusty sort of red tile, with a stripe of dark olive green tile near the middleish, and on the stalls, there was the red tile with a stripe of dark dandelion yellow tile in the middle. The floors were dark blue tile. Everything was very dirty, stained with feces and urine and mould and dirt. There was the occasional rat running around, a few cockroaches, and lots of spiders. Most of the other people in the bathroom were larger, bulky girls, who looked dangerous and mean. Few of the locks on the stalls worked, and most of the toilets were clogged, and the water was brownish-green. But I suppose I really had to go. It took me a while to find a stall. My friend and I were just strolling along, talking. I finally went into this one stall, but it had a door on the opposite side that led into another larger stall. I went into the larger stall, just in case someone came into the smaller stall, but it was very dark, the toilet was horribly clogged, there were spiders and rats and a pool of nasty in the corner, and the lock didn't work. So I went to the smaller stall instead, but the lock didn't work very well on that either. I used it anyway. While I was using it, a girl came in, but backwards, because she was talking to someone else as she backed into the stall. I was shouting at them to get out, but it took a few times for her to notice me and then leave. So I finished using it, and was feeling bad for shouting at them. They were waiting outside the stall so they could use it, and I apologized for shouting, telling them that it was the first reaction that came into my mind. They said it was okay. Then I went and washed my hands, and my friend and I left.

For the past, like, five days I've been having weirdly vivid dreams like this. I'll wake up at some point in the night, probably around 2 or 3 or 4, then I'll fall back asleep, and I'll have one of these vivid dreams. Then I'll wake up and remember it. Saturday night, I had a dream that I called one of my friends and talked to them on the phone, but it seemed very real. Friday night, I had a dream that the humans were fighting cars, because the cars were trying to take over the earth, but we were in another dimension that belonged to the cars. The fighting all started out of miscommunication and confusion. And Thursday night I had a dream that Aurora had a kid that she pretended was mom's kid. There was also a part where I was at this weird store that looked kind of like WinCo, but the lighting made everything look dark blue, and it was night time outside, and there were mexican people. And a theatre, and rich people, and rich people's houses that we looked into because they were all set up like raquetball courts, and there was a ledge that you could walk across and look into the houses. They were nice houses.

I love vivid dreams.

Thoughts

It's so weird...

People really do change.

It's so weird.

Life moves on in other places, not just where I exist.

Other people grow up too, other people live their lives.

It's so weird.

Life is so weird. People are so peculiar.

It can seem so incredibly, laughably simple, or so hugely, incomprehensibly complex.

It's so weird...

The Major and Minor of it all.

My major is economics. My minor is math.

The only disappointing thing is that any time anyone will ask me what my major is, and I tell them, I'll get that pause, and you know they're thinking, "...BOring!" and then they'll verbally add the half-hearted reconciliate "Oh...cool...."

Oh well. I'm going to love it.

And the plan after college is still graduate school, but for econ, not statistics!

I'm so stoked.

There go all my hopes and dreams of being a math tutor...

Chloe's got a temporary job. COoliO

Today, I found a really neat way to play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
I doubt I'll be able to replicate it unless I am again in the zone.
Which happens once in a red moon.

I worked at a bread-baking place today. Not baking bread, though. But other stuff. And it was fun. 8 hours of fun. And I get paid to do it. That seems weird. I even got free bread.

I want to get my hair colored and cutted. Perhaps I shall.

Today, I told someone what my major was, because they asked. They didn't know me, and neither did they know I'd been frustrated with the whole thing. But when I told them my major, it felt right. So I don't think it's jinxed. But all the same, I want to change it and have it be mine, officially, antes de I tell everyone. Not that anyone's going to be excited about it. Heh.

It's 10pm. Tengo hambre. No quiero comer. Y manyana, trabajo. I feel like watching a movie. YouTube! A Beautiful Mind, or Cinderella Man? We shall see.

Calculus and Conversation

My calculus book came today, as did the box of presents that mum shipped to me.

I was more excited about the calculus book.

It was like an early Christmas.


I spent the entire day reading: reading my bio book (I'm dropping my bio class, though); reading my econ book; reading my calculus book; reading books for school. It was amazing. And I made a connection between calculus and statistics. On my own. And I even wrote it down on this little white board that we have in the apartment, and then took a picture of the white board so that I'd always have my discovery. I told my sister about it when she called, and she said I was a geek. No. I'm a nerd. But I'm hot, so it's okay.


I was talking with a friend tonight about everything from putting human life and the Atonement and love into a formula to missions. It was fascinating. There is so much to learn from everyone. And I know that the things I learn from the people I meet now will be important in some way later in life, and so I'd better pay attention. It's just amazing, what one can learn from others.


Oh, and I shan't put my major upon this blog, because it seems that every time I make it concrete, it's wrong, so suffice it to say that math shall be my minor and my major shan't be biology, nor will I do a double minor. Perhaps I'll put it up later. But I'm for sure for sure I'm in the right major now. And it is final and forever. No more changes. So there.

I'm so stoked for next semester. It'll be the best yet.


Looooveeee.

Nadie

Two weeks to do whatever I'd like, with some constraints.
My own house.
Nobody around to bother me.

Hmm...

Yep...this'll be good...


Yep.

The End is Nigh at Hand

One final left: The ACS Two Hour Mega-Comprehensive Fail-Me-Now Final.
I don't really care anymore.

Tee hee.
No more chem for me!!!!!

The Latest and Greatest

I tried to switch my major today, but we're having minor complications. Ha, unintended pun. But anyways, I can't switch it yet.

But really, I was having minor complications. I didn't know what to choose for my minor. It was between biology and economics. And then today, it hit me: double minor.

I realised that the only thing I'm really passionate about in biology is human anatomy and physiology, and so I decided to go with the entire major because I didn't know what else to do. But the classes I'm really looking forward to are the anat and phys classes. The other stuff is cool, but I don't have the intense interest like I thought, and that will harm me. Math, on the other hand (my new intended major), I've found that I definitely have a passion for. It's the weirdest thing.

So anyway, there are only four more classes in biology that I want to take that I'll really work for, but I have enough credits to make biology be my minor. At the same time, there are enough economics classes that I want to take to have economics be my minor. So what makes the most sense is to be a double minor.

Standby for details.

Muse

So either Muse is really really really good at faking it, or they actually feel the music that they're playing.

It's ALL about feeling it. Making it yours. Not playing a song, but singing your self. It's not just music, it's you.

Love.

Health Care Reform and Closed-Mindedness

Do you know what I've noticed?

Most nearly everyone (including myself) are biased towards information in terms of political party.

This sounds so obvious (because it is) but it goes deeper than I thought.

We've all heard of the new health care reform thingie that's going through the senate right now. I've been curious about it, because I don't know much about it, and I know it would have huge consequences on many aspects of our country. So I've talked to a couple of people and read one or two articles, and all the information I've found has been given to me through the filter of bias, opinion, and past experience. I don't want this kind of information. I want pure facts, and in addition to that, I would like opinions from people on both sides of the issue. So I looked up the official website that is promoting the reform, and I looked up the text of the actual bill itself.

While I was looking over both of these, I found that I was viewing the information on the website that is promoting the reform in a negative light, already doubting the effectiveness of the reform, and the motives of Obama and his peoples. But then I tried looking at it in a different way, just for kicks. What if this is actually good? What do the people who I talk to know? What should it matter that they are democrats?

Here's some opinion for you:

In my opinion, I think that the majority of the people who talk about this reform know almost no facts. I think that the majority form their opinions from what they see on the news, what they hear from other people, and which party is promoting it. I think that a small amount of people have done some research, but that this research has been clouded by either positive thoughts or negative thoughts, depending on their political affiliation. I think that more democrats support this reform just because it is from Obama or because they are defending their party so they "have to" go with it (like loyalty to a sports team that you were raised with, even though they may suck); and I think that republicans have a problem with it because it's from Obama and because the democrats are supporting it. I think that the democrats look at the good that the reform will do, and ignore the harmful effects, and that the republicans look at the bad effects that the reform will have and downplay the good or pass it off as "fluffy democratic do-good-to-all irrational, wishful thinking".

I think that if people want to have a strong opinion on anything, and argue for or against something, they should do the research for themselves. I think that people should be smart. It annoys me when people strongly argue for or against something without having their facts founded on something solid. It annoys me when people are closed-minded, inflexible, and unwilling to admit that they may be wrong. And it very much annoys me that most of our political crap is all about pushing the names of the parties and the generalizations and stereotypes that go with them, rather than the actual, technical things that the parties are trying to do. Those who really understand what's going on and THEN formulate a strong opinion, and it's valid, are people I respect.

Sure, it's fine to say stuff, as long as you're willing to take in new information.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is: be open-minded, if you don't really know what you're talking about. You can't learn anything if you form a premature opinion on something, and won't accept any other information that contradicts your opinion.

That's just stupid.

But that's just my opinion.

'Cause no one really cares, they're just pretending.

I bought textbooks online yesterday.
I bought one in the bookstore today.
I am set for next semester.
I am stoked.

Christmas break: piano, gym, library, job, get ahead on homework.

It'll be perfect.



I've realised that my life operates on Le Chatlier's principle. It's so very "I told you so", it makes me laugh. Ironically. Cynically. But I laugh nonetheless.

Questions.

How do they predict how consumers will act? It can't be as simple as regular statistics. Aren't people less predictable such that you aren't able to use the methods of regular statistics? Or are people so predictable? Is it because they look at previous years? But what about the recession? Do they just look at what consumers have done in previous recessions, and adjust their data accordingly? I'm very curious.

On Small Businesses

So last Wednesday I was in the library, studying for my chem exam on the third floor. I was sitting next to some dudes who started talking about business stuff. Although I was entranced with reviewing for chemistry, I had no choice but to eavesdrop. They talked about the Cupcake Cafe, a small cafe that sells cupcakes in Rexburg, and wondered how it stayed in business and discussed how profitable that kind of business could be and how long something like that could last.

I was on the internet today, reading, and found this article in the New York Times:

http://boss.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/25/are-cupcakes-a-viable-business/

Are Cupcakes a Viable Business?

We just published a story by Elizabeth Olson that takes a look at the Great Cupcake Rush of ‘09, an almost inexplicable spread of cupcakeries around the country. As Ms. Olson reports, a handful of chains — Magnolia Bakery in New York, Sprinkles Cupcakes in Beverly Hills — seem to be thriving but for many others it’s a struggle.

Porche Lovely, for example, opened Lovely Confections Bakery in a gentrifying district of Denver. Ms. Olson writes:

For each cupcake she sells, Ms. Lovely figures she spends 60 cents on ingredients, 57 cents on mortgage payments and utilities, 48 cents on labor, 18 cents on packaging and merchant fees, 16 cents on loan repayment, 24 cents for marketing, 18 cents for miscellaneous expenses and 4 cents for insurance. That totals $2.45, leaving a potential profit of 55 cents on each $3 cupcake.

So far, that profit margin is theoretical because Ms. Lovely is still paying off her start-up costs. She’s reluctant to predict when she may become profitable in part because of the economy — but also because cupcake competitors have been opening in her neighborhood.

What is it that makes this business so attractive to would-be owners? What chances do they have of succeeding?

I liked comment number 5:

When I saw estimated costs per unit in the original article my instantaneous reaction was that there was no way that Ms. Lovely will succeed in the marketplace. Breaking down the numbers reveals shocking poor cost control, take for instance that she estimated that it cost her 48 cents per cupcake. Lets assume that she is paying her employees $15 an hour, at 48 cents per unit each employee is responsible for roughly 30 cupcakes an hour! Either she is overstaffed, overpaying or underselling. There is no way that her current business model will succeed, plus how big is the market for $3 cupcakes? It seems like people get into this business out of some sense of comfort and reconnection, undoubtedly they fondly remember baking cupcakes with there family and want those senses to translate to there business ventures.

— Ryan
Also number 9 and 10:

Yet another fad. In a few years, when there are cupcake bakeries everywhere and some mega-franchise, they will have the same fate as all the Curves gym locations around here: boarded up.

— JenofNJAs someone who bakes, it takes more time to make a cupcake than it does to bake a double layer cake- don't kid yourselves, it also has to do with our sugar addiction - we're paying more for someone else giving us portion control, like those little 100 calorie snacks - about one of the worst ways to eat green around.....as for a business model -- there are some who will always thrive because they can spot future trends and some will die out....the darwinian cupcake model-Laura Greenberg
I've wondered about this kind of thing too: how the heck do small businesses stay in business with the low profit margin? I remember that the people I was sitting next to mentioned Walmart, and how they didn't make money from the price of the items that they sold, but from the amount of items that they sold. I've also had a friend tell me that because Walmart is so large (or something like that), they buy things in large quantities, and when you buy things in large quantities, they're cheaper. Also, everyone wants to sell to Walmart, because Walmart sells to everyone, and if Walmart doesn't like the price that the seller is offering, they are more able to negotiate it lower, since the seller would make a lot of money from Walmart either way, and if the seller went to a smaller business, they would make less money. 

Isn't that interesting? I can't wait until I get to learn about this stuff.

On a side note, I dissected the turkey today. I found a major artery that extended down its spine, I found its spinal cord, I found what I think is either the pulmonary artery or the aorta, I found its scapulas (they're weirdly shaped), I found a tendon that moved the wing. I scraped off nearly all of the meat and fat and tendons and ligaments, and I cut into a few of the bones with a saw. I even boiled the bones to try and get everything off of them. Nobody was near as excited as I was; in fact, everyone but dad was grossed out. Lamesauces. It was cool. It was really cool. I learned about bird and human anatomy.

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm going to go read more stuff.

More interesting stuff

And this too:

Encoding specificity principle

Description

Have you ever been upstairs, wanted something that is downstairs, gone downstairs and then forgotten what you wanted. In fact it is only when you go back upstairs again that you remember what it was that you wanted.

When you store something in memory, the memory is not just of the item being stored but also of the context in which the memory occurred. Recall and recognition thus may be triggered by elements of the context being present.

Discussion

Tulving (1982, 1983) linked storage, recall and recognition by the principle that context is a unifying factor. In his words:

The probability of successful retrieval of the target item is a montonically increasing function of informational overlap between the information present at retrieval and the information stored in memory.

Isn't that just cool?

Something Interesting

From my readings for class:

Music makes a mark on your brain/body. The musical pattern acts as a trigger for emotions

and thoughts. You have heard about Elder Packer telling you to sing a hymn when your

thoughts are no quite where they should be. There is great wisdom in this advice. The singing

will change your neural patterns involved in emotions, thoughts, and behavior. The music

marker helps to reason clearly based on emotions. This may sound strange, but emotions are

not disconnected from reason. The idea that they are separate comes from the philosophy of

Descartes, an influential Frenchman, and from others before him, such as Plato. We will not

get into a deep analysis of those philosophies. Let’s just be content that neuropsychology has

shown that when persons are not able to feel emotions, they are also incapable of reasoning

properly (see the work of Dr. Damasio and Mr. Phineas Gage case). This is very pertinent

because music creates powerful emotions among the general population (Grabrielson and

Lindstrom, 1993). In fact, Frey (1985) showed that in a sample of adults, about 8% of the

crying episodes in their life were caused by music alone. You can look at this way: let’s say

you cry 10 times this year; about 1 time out of 10, the crying will happen while/because your

are listening to a musical piece.

Isn't that interesting? 

So I looked up some research:

http://cercor.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/full/10/3/295

The Emotional Mechanism that Biases Decision Making is Distinct from the Emotional Mechanism that Improves Memory

The previous discussion leads to the question of whether the mechanism by which emotion improves memory is the same as, or different from, the mechanism through which emotion biases decisions. The amygdala has been found to be necessary for emotions to improve memory (Cahill et al., 1995). Our own work has also shown that the amygdala is important in the creation of biases and in decision making (Bechara et al., 1999a). This suggests that in the amygdala, the mechanisms through which emotion modulates memory and decision making may be inseparable. The remaining question is whether these mechanisms might be separable in the VM cortex. In order to answer this last question, we tested 12 normal control subjects and six VM patients with anterior lesions that spared the basal forebrain for their memory of a series of neutral and emotionally charged pictures. The series of pictures involved four sets, with four pictures in each set. Each set of four pictures contained two neutral (e.g. farm scenes)and two emotional (e.g. raped and mutilated bodies') pictures. The pictures in set 1 were presented once each; those in set 2 were presented twice each; in set 3, four times each; and in set 4, eight times each. Five minutes after viewing all the pictures, subjects were tested for their recall of each picture they saw, and for the overall content of the picture. The recall of picture content was calculated for each subject as a function of repetition times and emotional content.

As might be expected, both normal controls and VM patients showed improved memory as a result of repetition. The most important finding, however, was that both groups showed a response to the emotion manipulation, producing a better memory curve for pictures with emotional content than for neutral pictures (Fig. 8). Thus, this experiment actually separated the memory curve that is a function of repetition from the curve that is a function of emotional content. The results indicate that the VM patients are able to use emotional content in order to enhance their memory, suggesting that the mechanism through which emotion modulates decision making is different from that through which emotion modulates memory. These results also support the conclusion that the decision-making impairment of VM patients cannot be explained by a deficit in the recall of emotional events.

The second-best thing that's happened to me this semester:

I get to go home for Thanksgiving.

The first-best?

Getting on FastGrad.

The third-best?

Getting the one A out of the whole class on my first trig test. 97%, baby. And he let us correct two missed problems, and since I only missed two problems, I got a 100%. But I earned a 97%. Yeah. YEAH!

I miss summer.

Life was a bit more beautiful then.

Update:

Got on FastGrad.

Went to a presentation given by a stats professor at BYU-Provo. He talked about what he did with stats and the stats graduate program at BYU-Provo. It got me thinking. And now my goal has switched from Med school to grad school, getting a masters or PhD in stats. I haven't decided. But I talked to my stats teacher, and the dissertation of which I was so terrified isn't so terrifying anymore. I would really like to go to grad school, and do something in Biostats. That would be awesome.

SO now I'm deciding how much I love biology versus how much I love math. Because I'm really not sure anymore. We'll see how calculus goes. My stats teacher said I should consider switching my major to math, and my minor to biology. I'm considering, but very seriously. 

I also need to decide if that's really, really what I want to aim for. It would be awesome. It would be fun. It would be dreadfully hard. Would the happiness I get from it be enough to cancel out the hard work? I need to decide.

I'm not going to take O-chem. I've decided that I don't absolutely love chemistry. I enjoy it. 

And class sign-up is on the 11th. 

I'm so stoked to be on FastGrad.

Future

New goals:

1. Get on FastGrad

2. Work my rear off

3. Get awesome grades

4. Get a scholarship

5. Go to Med school

I have a definite future. It's awesome.

And I give up on boys. 

It's inside my head

In the most recent news: 

Life is still good. Let it stay that way, please. Life is really good. Life should not be this good. It really shouldn't. I'm starting to get kinda worried.

Whispering secrets in a car under the shower of a sprinkler

Sister P. : My camera is broken, and I won't get around to buying one until after he leaves for summer break, so pictures will have to wait 'til September. 

Kat: This is the guy I told you about. It maketh me happy.

Details: I'm terrible at telling stories. But I know that I like him, and I know that he likes me, and that's the important thing.

But anyways. Monday, I leave for Utah. Meet the fam there, then on to CALIFORNIA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, I'm so stok-ed. 

I'm going to buy another camera and take extra good care of it. It must needs be expedient that I buy a camera so that I mayest more fully take photos of life. I hate not being able to document anything, especialmente right now.

I love my life right now. It'll have to go downhill sometime, I know it, but right now, I'm happy.

The newest news.

Hey guess what.

I have a boyfriend.

My mouth still feels weird saying that.

Let's Protest Homework

I think that homework gets in the way of life way too often. I think we should all protest homework. 

I also think that piano is awesome. 

I also think that there should be more to do in Rexburg. But what was done was fun.

I need to do homework but I cain't focus no more. PROTEST!!

But it's halfway done. Just need to do it. Nike. Just do it. DO IT. I don't want to. I want to......

That's what I want to be doing right now. But it's okay, because later.

Later.

Do homework. Now.

Here's how it goes

Lost my chem book, lost a $100 bill (my food money for the rest of the semester-I was so stoked about having money to roll-over for the next semester...suppose not). Had an awesome weekend. Understatement, of course. Four days of life with the guy I like. Not a bad way to spend my free time. Not a bad way at all. Gotta love them Fourth of July barbecues, tambien. Went to his friend's family's BBQ in IF. Had an awesome day away from Rexburg. Enjoyed them fireworks. For sure. Oh, if only you could have been there. And when he plays piano (yes, he plays piano) it's like..............yeah. Yeah.

But life. 

'Tis life.

And movies. Those are fun too. Small couches rule.

But don't worry. I'm always home by curfew.

Life. 

Can you hear me smile?

I thought I might get one more chance

I liked yesterday.

School was all...school-y. Chem, piano, math, Book of Mormon (story: before BOM, my friend had to finish the readings, so she sat in the hall, and I said, "I want to go play piano in there". She said, "do it". And so I went into the chapel and played some hymns. There were only a couple people in there doing quiet studying or something. It was fun. I considered for a second skipping class and just playing piano for that hour. But I didn't. But after BOM, I considered skipping nut class, because attendance isn't required there, and just playing piano, but then my friend came up behind me and said, "Don't skip class". In a joking/serious sort of way. I laughed and asked her how she knew, and she said, "Because your class is THAT way." And so I went to class and drooled of boredom and tired and allergies for an hour.), nutrition. Then piano at the Snow, then home, then next door to see them off, then to Porter park to swing on the swings with my roommate Beth (Macadamia. Gazebo. Mukluk. Bulbous bouffant.) Then we ran through some sprinklers, then walked uphill, past the rich-person housing, through some more sprinklers, through a field. It was all so quiet and beautiful and awesome. Then up to the stake building, where we were going to play the organ, but it was locked, so we did piano instead. I played a couple of things, she played a thing, then we played a couple hymns together, then I played hymns while she sang, then we found an electric piano, then we went to Craigo's and had pizza, and it was SO FUN, and then we came outside and the sky was beautiful, then home, then I went and hung out with people, then I cursed curfew, spat at it, stabbed it in my head, and made it home on time. Then I took two Benadryl and went to sleep. Woke up at 11, felt sick, hot, tired, bleh. Woke up a bit more, and now I still feel allergies, but I feel better.

And this weekend's gonna rock. I promise. 

A brief but info-loaded post (read between the lines)

Yes, life is good. Life is great. The only complaint I have: there's not enough me right now. I need to split and be in many places at once. Friends, school, self, piano. Those of the male persuasion. Life is good, to be sure. And I just had some dang good brownies. Now it's time to do my long-procrastinated chem homework.

Busy

Yes. I am busy. So busy, I don't feel like talking. I run around all day and it's awesome. I ate way too many cookies today. I love school. I love piano, but I don't feel like I'm improving. I love the temple, I love prayer, I love church, I love devotional, I love life. And that's what I have time for.

My Thoughts

I wish I could escape memories. They're tied in to everything: objects, places, temperatures, colours, smells, words. Memories evoke emotions, thoughts, that I don't want.

Where's the reset button? This game's not going how I want it to go. Where's rewind? Can't I start this over from a certain point?

I can't just leave a place when I don't want to remember anymore. That doesn't solve the problem. I want to erase the memories. I want to start life again, lessons kept but experience forgotten. It's not just the bad, but also the good that haunt me. I want to start life again, nothing holding me back. I don't want to have every object, place, temperature, colour, smell, word, be associated with some memory. Memories evoke emotions, thoughts, that I don't want. I wish I could escape memories.

WHAT?! FHE can be FUN?!?!?

The one on the left is MPD, on the right, FD. 

Read below for details.

OhmygoshtodaywasAWESOME!

Okay, it started all same-like. Class (I love chem), then to the Snow for an hour to practise, then home to do homework (done), then off to class again (it was all the way across campus to the Ricks and my shins and calves KILLED ME). It was math (my teacher's so awesome-Sister Eastman-we went to the vending machines to learn about functions), then BOM, where our teacher tied in Elder Bednar's devotional and us being the chosen generation with the Abrahamic covenant. He knows his scriptures so well, and he explained everything as a big circle of logic. It was so awesome, and he totally put everything into perspective. (Side note- everything is so connected. I keep noticing that.) Then to nutrition, where I was bored again, then home and eating dinner (leftovers). Then chilled for a bit, then met Char at the Snow to go get contracts for College Avenue (I'm gonna room with Char! It'll be great! And apparently lots of music and art majors live on college avenue, so maybe I'll meet some awesome people). Then to the Snow to practise, then home. 

This is the fun part: I got home, two of our FHE bros were there. The original FHE was to have the ward gather at the Auxiliary gym in the Fart, but they forgot to reserve it. So we were at our house, wondering what to do. FHE bro #1 (who shall henceforth be referred to as Mission in the Philippines Dude, or MPD for short) suggested we go to Caesarito's, because he was hungry. I suggested we go to Braulims and I make chocolate chip cookies. No one had a lesson because they had planned on dodgeball to get them out of it, so when it was made known that a few of them had fallen asleep during the CES fireside, I got my notes out and shared some of my thoughts on the fireside. Then we walked to Braulims, got stuff, walked back home, and I made cookies. MPD left to go swimming after about an hour, and I was still in the kitchen baking. I came out after a while, and chilled on the arm of the couch. A while later, after about 30 mins of chilling and not doing much, we somehow got on to mission stories, and so I told FHE bro #2 (who shall henceforth be referred to as Funny Dude, or FD for short) to tell us some stories. Oh man, did he tell stories. He is a GREATAWESOME storyteller. He's hilarious, descriptive, and never laughs at his own jokes. He did that for about 3 hours, and we learned all about his companions. He laced everything with humor, but he definitely communicated lessons underneath all that. Oh man. It was awesome. I wish I could have recorded it all. 

Some main points:

*Missions are hard

*Companions can be really weird

*Missions are the worst best time of your life

*Ugly girls go to the Chicago North Spanish-speaking Mission

*Chicago is not the most fun place to go on a mission

*Have a definitive break-off with anyone you've dated before a mission

*Winters in Chicago are brutal

It was awesome though. Seriously awesome. And I'm gonna be dead tired tomorrow.

It's Thursday.

MEow. 

Class, and then piano, and then class, and then home, and then temple, but they were too full so I sat in the chapel and read scriptures and pondered (lemme tell ya, it's the BEST place to read scriptures and think), then home, then out to eat (paid for by Emm's AWESOME mother- I'm gonna miss her when she goes) (Emms is AWESOME too), then piano, then home, then talking with the roomies (I have THE BEST roomies in the entire world). And now I'm refusing to go to bed.

Emily and I went to the temple together. On the three-or-so minute drive up there, she played "Praise To The Man" sung by MoTab and it was AWESOME. Then right as we got out of the car, there was lightning and the wind was blowing really hard and we almost died. Then we got in the temple and were told it was too full for me to do baptisms (that's how it should be) and so I sat in the chapel and studied my scriptures and read my patriarchal blessing. I really felt the spirit. I'm going to do baptisms on Saturday, so it's okay. Man, it was awesome though. And I know for sure that you receive blessings when you go to the temple. I am so blessed to have this opportunity to be at a university where we begin each class with a prayer, and where we have a temple within walking distance, where the spirit helps us to learn, where nearly everyone is a member and has the same standards. Where teachers tie the scriptures in to their lessons, and guys use stories from their missions when answering questions. Where all the buildings are dedicated. Where we have devotional each week. Oh my goodness. "Count your many blessings" for sure.

But after the temple, we started "Praise to the Man" again, and it came to the last verse, where it crescendos and becomes really epic, and we were driving right past the temple and it was so beautiful...it made me cry. I had the thought, "Satan will be defeated." Man. I love this gospel. 

So tomorrow's Friday and TGIF. Piano and roommates and whatever else. And then Saturday and the temple and hanging with Char again and then Sunday and testimonies and more awesome lessons. Sunday's always a good day. Then do it all over again. But I love it (except for nutrition class. I know everything already and it's such a bore...I just doodle the whole time. But it's better than that genetics class I dropped. At least this is easy and I don't have to do any thinking.) So yeah. Still no complaints. I love chemistry and look forward to it each day. I love college algebra and look forward to it also. I look forward to BOM because my teacher is awesome and so is that class. I don't look forward to nutrition, but like I said, it's easy. Then there's communications, and I thought I'd hate that class, but I absolutely love it and I think I'm going to make a few friends from that class. And it's definitely going to help me be more social and confident. I can tell already. I love to listen to people and have them tell your stories. And I've found that it's really easy to have a conversation with someone if you keep them talking about themselves. When I had that thought, I laughed. 

Oh, and I bought goggles for chem and felt like a huge nerd, and I also felt sort of proud of my nerdiness. But that'll come crashing down when I actually have to wear them.

I have one of the piano songs stuck in my head. The one by Scarlatti. I like that one. Can you hear it too?

I hate falling asleep. I love dreaming. I'm okay with sleep. I hate going to sleep full. I love going to sleep hungry. Dogmuffin.

I love my hair. So do other people. I've gotten compliments, and it makes me happy. It also makes me think that there are more people who like my hair who just don't tell me. I think compliments about people that I don't tell them. Shame on me.

I'm tired. I feel like drawing. I have a chem quiz that I need to take tomorrow or Saturday. Tomorrow for sure. 

Rexburg. I love it here. 

But the weather won't make up its mind. But I love it. It rained today. And hailed. And snowed. And fogged. What the heck.

So I love my life, and that's all there is to it. I'm freezing.

Another Post of Exponential Existential Experimental Happiness

I LOVE THIS SCHOOL!

Ten things I've learned:

1. You learn more from classes if you prepare beforehand

2. If you do homework right when you get home, you have more free time

3. If you participate in ward activities, you have more fun

4. It's good to be not shy

5. People are generally nice

6. You learn more from church if you prepare beforehand

7. The temple is an awesome place

8. You get SO SO SO SO SO many blessings from going to the temple

9. If you do your part, the Lord helps you

10. Talking with friends is way fun

Yes yes yes. And on the topic of number eight: oh yes. OH YES. I can tell that I'm being helped in classes, I'm being helped with piano (I LOVE PIANO and I can tell I have improved so much! I had my first piano lesson today and I was assigned some tough stuff. But the awesome awesome thing is that I know I can do it- and that's never happened before, where I know I can do something. One's Scarlotti or something like that, and it's fast and chord-y, and another is by some soviet dude, and I know that with practise I can do them! I am SO excited. Oh, and that Fantasia by Mozart? I'm re-working on that- and oh my gosh I can READ THE MUSIC and PLAY IT! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!! I want to tell EVERYONE! I want to show EVERYONE!! It's so awesome, and it makes me so incredibly awesomely magically superfantastically HAPPY!!! I can't even describe! It's like those times when I could keep writing and writing how HAPPY and THANKFUL I am!!), I'm being helped to be social, I'm being helped with homework. There are so many things that I'm able to understand that I know I wouldn't understand otherwise. I'm doing what I am supposed to, and the Lord is helping me out, and I don't deserve to be blessed this much, but I am SO THANKFUL! Ohmygosh. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY! My classes are awesome, my classmates are awesome, piano's awesome, I got a calling today and I don't even know what I'm supposed to do but I'm happy to have a calling, my roommates are awesome (AWESOME!), my ward is awesome, our FHE brothers are awesome (hilarious!!), and I have absolutely no complaints. 

I am a bit scared though. I thought I was supposed to be having trials? I'm happy. What's going on?

I can tell that other talents are improving too: drawing and some inside talents. Geez. My cup runneth over for sure.

Tell your friends, tell your mother, tell your dog, tell your dog's fleas, tell your house, tell your grass, tell the sky and the clouds and the rain and the stars and tell the world that Chloe Adell Lammi is the absolute most happy she has ever been in her entire life and that she is so thankful for everything that Heavenly Father has given her and that she wants to be the best she can be to please Him and to make this happiness last. OH my gosh. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am happy. Did I say that already? I'll say it again. I am happy. I am happy. I am HAPPY. I AM HAPPY!!!!! LLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

I give everyone in the entire world a ginormous hug right now. Feel it?

Love.

Love.

LOVELOVELOVE.

Oh, life is...as near to perfect as is possible at this point in time. Tell the world. I am happy.

This is My life in a NUTSHELL (a large nutshell, like a walnut or maybe a coconut)

WORK!

Whoa. Last semester was like a fetus compared to this semester. It's awesome though. AWESOME! I can tell that the spirit is definitely helping me learn, and I love LOVE that we start each class with a prayer, because it helps. I have gen chem every day, 7:45-8:45, and I love it. We're breezing through everything. Thank goodness I have such an awesome group. There's this one dude who knows everything, it seems, and he's really good at explaining. The other two people are nice also. Because my class is so early, I've been going to bed early...10-11pm early...

I have college algebra, and that class is going to just be an enhanced review of everything. I feel really stupid sometimes, though, because I know that I know how to do the math, but I don't remember how to do it, and it's such simple math! Oh, but something really cool: I've never been good at story problems (they confuse me unless they're really simple) but because we have the spirit here, I was able to figure through some that I would never have known how to do before. I LOVE  BYU-I!

Let's see...I have BOM part 2, and my teacher's hilarious, and he makes class comfortable. Like, I think I may actually comment in that class....maybe. In the first class, he said something about how he can tell how good a class is going to be by how they sing the first hymn (with parts and stuff). We sang without midi, without piano. We started on the first line of "We Thank Thee, Oh God, for a Prophet", and everyone sang the melody....then when we came to the second line, it was like, all of a sudden, there was the bass, and the alto, and the tenor...it was SO SO SO beautifulcoolawesome! It made me smile, and it definitely brought the spirit. That class will be more work, but I know I'll get so much out of it.

Then I had a foundations genetics class, but I dropped it. It was not interesting, and now I know I'll never do anything with genetics (although I do have to take a class in genetics for my major...funtimes.) Instead, I signed up for a nutrition class. It's all stuff I know, and so it'll be easy, and perhaps enlightening...but probably not. I know nutrition.

Then Tues/Thur, I have a communications class...that class is CRAZY. It's going to be one of the worst discomforts of my life, but I know that if I put effort into it, it'll help me. 

Then I have lab on Tues, 3:15-5:15, and we didn't do a lab this time, but worked on a worksheet. And now I understand sigfigs. SIGFIGS!

Today at 4:30 I go to the snow to fill out a card to be assigned a piano teacher, and they'll probably tell me that I'm not good enough and I'll have to start from the beginning. But that's okay, because I could use the practise, I guess. 

And I'm being responsible this semester, actually doing my homework right after I come home. It's good. If I didn't do that, I'd fall way behind. And I have nothing else to do anyway. If I had any free time at all, it would probably be spent on Facebook. And that is a tremendous waste of time. 

I say "and" a lot.

I also say "awesome" a lot.

The weather was really interesting yesterday. The sky was all nice and blue and cumulus-y, and I was in the Hinckley, looking out at the sky for an hour, and gradually, these huge, dark, sweet storm clouds moved in. I took pictures. I still had 20-ish minutes before class, so I went outside and lay (lie? laid? Stupid english) in the grass, and looked at the sky. I took more pictures. It got really windy, and eventually I went to the genetics class (which I dropped that night). After class, as I was walking through the gardens to get home, it started raining all of a sudden. But part of the sky was still beautiful and cumulus-y, and right above, it was dark and ominous and heavy. So the sun was still shining, and it was raining. It was summer rain. There was that smell...that smell of just-rained-on sunbaked concrete. LOVE!! Then, a couple minutes later, it stopped. I was across the street from Kerr when the absolute most awesome thing happened. It started raining again, but this time I was in FULL sun, with the dark clouds to the left, and the sun to the right, and it RAINED for  maybe three minutes, then it stopped. It. was. cool. I took pictures. Emmz said that it hailed where she was. LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!

Oh, haha, also, during Music Outlet on Monday, there were almost no people there, since it was the first one, and I assume not many people knew that they were having it that night, and people were just getting up and performing (usually they sign up) and then the last person who got up did this:

He stood by the mike for a minute, with his guitar, and said something like, "Hang on, trying to remember how this goes...." Then he looked into the audience and asked, "what's your name" to people sitting in the second row. There was a guy and his wife, and the guy answered, but then Man On Stage said, "no, the girl sitting next to you". Wife answered, "Alyssia" or something like that, and MOS said, more to himself, "A-lyss-i-a...no, that won't work". Then this: "What's your name in the mickey mouse shirt?" "Chloe", said Chloe. And then he said, to himself again, "Chlo-e, chlo-e, yeah, that'll work." And then, oh my gosh, it was so funny!!! he started singing: "Chlo-o-e, can't you see, you're the only girl for me, Steph-a-nie. Steph-a-nie, can't you see, you're the only girl for me, Na-an-cy. Na-an-cy, can't you see, you're the only girl for me, (and then he paused for a second) An-tho-ny. An-tho-ny, can't you see, you're the only guy for me, Ti-mo-thy. Ti-mo-thy, can't you see, you're the only guy for me, (he paused again) ...Chlo-o-e." That's not exact, but you get the idea. It was so funny. I felt kinda bad afterward, though, because there was this other girl there who had on a mickey mouse sweater, but I know he was asking me because I was a few rows behind Wife Alyssia, and a bit to the left. Funtimes.

I took the math 110 placement test (i don't know why you have to take it when you've already taken 108, but whatever) and got 26/30, 86%. Nothing to brag about, but I'm happy. It's not for a grade, just so that you know you're in the right class. 

I'm dissolving my enamel with diet soda, in all its caramel-coloured goodness. 

Our chem teacher made homemade rootbeer in chem this morning. Chem class rules. So does Bro. Manner. He's a cool guy. But that class would be way hard if you had never had chem before. 

In short: I love college, I have lots of homework, the weather is awesome, and this semester's gonna be the best semester in the entire history of the world (at least until next summer).

Another post.

I got my books, I made an awesome card, and I hope to go to the Snow tonight. I'm actually having a written-down budget, too. That way I can see if I have extra moneys. 

My classes this semester will be so interesting, but so hard. It'll be cool.

<3

That is all.

Love love love love

HOME! I am home.

So let's see...Wednesday, I suppose:

I was up 'til 4:00 am on Tuesday. I went to bed, woke up at 5:40. Car ride to Detroit, I kind of dozed, and I think I fell asleep a couple of times. 3 hours later, in Detroit. Checked the bags in, and I ended up throwing away like, 5 water bottles (stupid stupid stupid...what, I'm gonna blow up the plane with lemon-flavoured water, yogurt, soup, and a can of pineapple?) Waited for two hours, then plane ride for an hour and 30 minutes. Yay. Arrived in St. Louis, chilled there for around 4 hours. Plane ride for 3 hours, 40 minutes. Arrived in SLC. Waited an hour-ish for the shuttle. Shuttle ride for 4 hours. We went through rain and snow (but the rain was good- I got some cool long-exposure photos). Then picked up and brought to Kat's friend's house, and I slept on a short couch (the long couch was taken up by Alicia, a girl from the ward in Muskegon. She was my travel-mate. I don't think she likes me, and it's not just some unfounded idea. I've got little things that could add up to proof. I keep trying to be her friend, but I just don't think she likes me. So I'm not even gonna try. She was nice, but seemed a bit bland (although I never got to know her). It really bothers me though; what didn't she like about me? I never did anything to her. It bothers me. I tried to be nice and friendly. I just want to know why she doesn't like me, and then I'll be good.)

Thursday:

Woke up around 9, teeth, clothes, breakfast, ride to Danbury Manor East. Hello, Emily! Check in, move things inside, move Emily's things inside, disembowel the storage room, get her stuff out, put everything back in, move all that stuff inside, unpack for 4 hours, take a break, go to Subway, storage to get the remainder of my stuff, Walmart to get a pillow and a mattress cover (I had a pillow...I didn't know that. But it was flat, so it's good that I got a new one-I can NOT sleep on a flat pillow. I die.), Braulims for my oatmeal/splenda/salt/1 gal milk/cinnamon. Then back, finish unpacking, hang stuff on the walls. Colleen comes over (she's so awesome). She left, we chilled, I went to the Snow at 7ish. Played horribly (the keyboard screwed me over, but it was also the piano, methinks- the keys were too sensitive. I like them to be more resistant. I should have changed rooms) but had fun nonetheless. Came home at 10, chilled, chatted to people on the internet. That made me really happy. I think I may actually be a social person, but somewhere along the line I got screwed over on confidence. I love talking to people, hearing about their lives. I guess that would be letting people talk, then. But I do. People are so interesting, when you give them a chance. I went to bed at 2.

Friday: woke up. Emmz is gone. She had back surgery today, and she called after the surgery. She's okay. Then I decided I wanted to shower. So I went in the bathroom, tested the water. It was cold, even after letting it run for a minute. I was determined to have that shower. So while I was in a towel, I put three pots of water on the stove, and filled up two bowls with water, alternating them as I dumped one out then came back and got the other. The water coming from the tap was warm, so I just used that. I filled up the tub halfway, and it took 30ish minutes. And then I had a bath, and was satisfied. Take that, cold water! (Tonight I learned that I have to turn it in the other direction to get hot water...hehe) (But let it be known that the Chloe perseveres when she wants something badly enough, although that doesn't happen too often.) So after that, I got ready, and tried on all my pants and shirts that I had left in storage because I was bored. As I knew, none of them fit (but they're all size 0-3) but I know that with my restricted budget and with all the excersise I'm going to get here, I will be able to fit into my pretty pants again (and this makes me so exceedingly happy- I love being on a teensy food budget. Teensy food budget=teensy size. It's cool, though; it all works out. I want to lose weight, and I have a small budget, and I'm getting walking-around exercise. Ah! I'm so excited to be small and pretty again.) Then I settled on an outfit and put makeup on and had breakfast and read scriptures. Then I imported pictures and did some stuff on the computer. Then I decided I wanted to go to the Snow. I got over there and none of the practise rooms were open. This made me sad. It was a nice day, though, so I just walked back home and put my music bag inside and took a walk about town. It was warm, but with a cool breeze, so it was PERFECT. I got back 45 minutes later, and had lunch. Then I don't remember what I did, so it must not have been important, then I waited for Kat and stepped in water, then we unloaded her stuff, then went to the store and she got food and i got toothpaste. We went back to her place, and she fed me dinner (Thank you again!) and we watched a couple episodes of Lie To Me. I walked home, washed my face, brushed my teeth, took out my contacts, got into PJs, pretended not to be scared of the dark, empty house as I threw trash into the trash can in the kitchen without turning lights on. And now here I am, blogging to preserve memories.

Tomorrow @ 11 I'm going to Kat's house and we're gonna compare schedules and figure out exercise time, and then go buy books, and then I'm going to the Snow (hopefully it's open) and then home, and I will meet my new roomies. I think Emmz is coming back tomorrow. School starts Monday. 

I'm having a general sense of not-happy right now (once again: take meds every day). I'm trying to pretend that I am happy until the meds kick in again. Stupid me. It's so annoying though. I hate being dependent on meds. Stupid serotonin. 

And I have many cool pictures on my wall. This is home. I will be happy when the meds start working. Stupid stupid depression. 

Tired. I'm gonna look at my budget. Goodnight.

I hope there are cute guys in church and in my classes (although I'll be too shy to talk to them or look at them and therefore they will think I'm being standoffish and I'll never get married. Eh. It would be nice to go on dates once in a while. I don't want a relationship, but dates would be fun. For whatever reason, though, guys don't like me. Harrumph. Thank goodness I have awesome friends. And piano. And sleep. I'm tired.)

Tired. I will be excited when the meds start working.

Goodnight.

Hellogoodbye

I still have stuff to do...but I'm procrastinating. Hey-o!

Did billions of errands with mum today. Things are getting done. All I have left to to is pack and repack.

I may be up for a while.

When I post next, I shall be in Rexburg! 

Easter

D&C 76

  22 And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the ^atestimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he ^blives!

  23 For we ^asaw him, even on the ^bright hand of ^cGod; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only ^dBegotten of the Father—

  24 That by ^ahim, and through him, and of him, the ^bworlds are and were created, and the ^cinhabitants thereof are begotten ^dsons and daughters unto God.

Read the rest of the section now.

Asbestos and Actin

Hey there hi there ho there!

Today was a greatly fun day.

I was woken up at around 9 by Dad, but decided to just lay on the couch in that half-awake, half-asleep state, where you know you're asleep and you can still hear and respond to everything around you. Then Jothan came home and rang the doorbell fifty million times. Other people were asleep so I had to jump up to answer the door. Then I got up because I knew there would be no going to sleep after that. I had breakfast and played piano a bit, then we all piled into the car at 10:40 to go to an easter-egg hunt thing. We did that, and it was fun (it was only for Thaden and Schink, but that's okay. It was fun watching them. It was at a different church, though, so Aurora was church-bashing some of the time, which annoyed me. Gen Con just addressed this. Did you pay attention? Good.) Then Dad decided all-of-a-sudded that he wanted to go to the Dairy Creamery or something like that (it's a cow farm) so we did, and first we had lunch at their restaurant (delicious sandwiches, salad, and all-you-can-drink milk). Then we went on the tour (it was just our family, and it was so cool!). The tour was awesome. It made me want to work on a cow farm. Our tour guide (one of the ranch owners) was really nice. After the tour, we went home, then I practised piano for a bit, then went to my last piano lesson (it got rescheduled twice). I think that's one of the things I'm gonna miss the most. Piano Teacher was so nice (she used to be my YW prez; she still is the YW prez) and she was always positive and complimentary. She had great advice, and she was really fun and easy to talk to. I'll miss her. I'll miss piano lessons. I looked forward to those each week.

After that, I came home and did stuff, then went outside and played with Pooless. I ended up pushing him in a wheelbarrow that has only one handle. He liked it. I liked it. It made us both happy. Then mum polished my hair a bit, trimming just my fuzzies and my bangs. Being a perfectionist is good sometimes. Now they're at the store, getting easter stuff, and after this post, I'm going to go clean. Wahoo. After I clean, I'm gonna play on the computer. 

Oh, my hair's been recut and redyed. It looks awesome (except now it's so short that I'm gonna need to wear mascara all the time or I'll look like a dude). It'll look even more awesome on me once I've lost weight. Then I can be a thin pixie beauty. But the dye is Demi, so I need to redo it every 6-8 weeks. So I'm a-bringin' hair colour to college! w00t!

Four days. Love.

vOLvEr a RExBurG

EDIT: I said that I had a 200-a-month budget. Well, it's actually a 200-a-semester food budget. Now THAT will be awesome.

(8 days)

I've got webcam set up, I've got budget made, I've got bags packed, I've got (most) affairs set in order. Most of what I need to figure out now has to be done when I get to Burgga-da-Burg-Rexy-Roxy-Roxbury-Rexburg. I need to wash my clothes, though...which I'll do after this! But I'm  pretty much ready to leave in a day and NEVER NEVER NEVER come back. 

If I don't get a job this semester, I'll need a job next semester. If I don't get a job next semester, I'm gonna be living off of oatmeal, tuna, and ramen, and not going to any university events unless I can bum off of friends. 

I budgeted so that I only spend 200/semester on food...how's that for awesome!!

So thank goodness there are lots of parties and food handouts on the college scene. It's too bad guys don't like me or I could go on dates every night and get food that way. 

I do hope things work out and I can stay there.

I need a job. And I don't just need a job. I NEED a job. Unless I want to come back here. But I'd rather starve on a 200-per-month food budget than come back here.

That's the end. I am SO SO SO excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And SOOO happy!!! I'm goin' back, I'm goin' back, I'm goin' back hooooooooooooooome!

And I'll be right by the temple again, and this semester, I'm determined to go often.

So what's gonna happen this semester? Will I make new friends? Hopefully. Go on some dates? Highly doubtful. Learn a lot? DEFINITELY! Try my best? I plan to!

Have fun?

A solid and resounding YES.

And now I scream it: 

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your voice is void Squeeze 'til your bones break

Hey, wanna hear a secret?

Come closer.

No, closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Good.

(I think I like country music)

Tell anyone, and your children will die, your house will be consumed in fire, your cat will eat your fish, your dog will eat your cat, and you'll never fit into a size less than XXXXL again.

Tell anyone, and your hair will fall out, your eyeballs will pop, your nose will become huge, and your entire body will be covered in red pus-acne.

You'll never catch me listening to it on  my own, or tolerating it. As soon as it comes on, I'll do the regular "EW, country!" and make them change it. And therefore will this abnormality be crushed. I won't have this uncultured crap poisoning me.

But besides that. I stayed up 'til 1:30 last night (I intended to stay up longer, but I fell asleep on the floor watching Hercules with Mum and Aorta, then in a sleepy stupor stumbled over to the couch and slept there) and woke up all of a sudden at 5:30. I was just like, "okay" and chilled on the comp. Then I had breakfast, then practised piano, then drove Aorta to cross, stayed there and looked at the waves and the sand and the sky and played the keyboard (I took it in the car) (Side Note- There are few things as awesome and beautiful as coming over a hill and seeing the ocean, big, blue, stretching on until it meets the horizon). Then we went home (we wanted to stay and play on the beach so bad, but it was FREEZING and windy). 

At home I made breakfast for Smells, Schink, and Mum. Then I did stuff, then I INVENTED MY OWN RECIPE!

I'm still working on it. Today was trial 1. I'll have to wait 'til 50 million years in the future 'til trial 2. But I think I know what to do now, and how it'll turn out. Ying!

Then I ran some errands with mum, and did other stuff, and now I'm playing piano and messing around with "Nearer, My God, to Thee". You know how people play hymns and just make them beautiful all impromptu-like? Yeah, I can't do that. But I can add in an extra note or two and stuff. Nothing worth mentioning. It's just fun, and good practise, I'd imagine. I love piano.

Right now, I'm wearing two shirts (one backwards) and two bras (one backwards) and my necklaces backwards. Yes, I am cool.

Okay. Check this place out if you ever feel like making music:

noteflight.com

It's cool. I just wish I could compose music...ah, that would be awesome.

Plywood Plaster of Paris People Pry Potatoes REXBURRY BURG BURG!!! 8 days, 2 hours. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE!

Side Note

Oh look, this side-note gets its own post!

Anyways, I was inspired by an artist on deviantART to try and make some felt accessories, so I'm browsing photos of felt accessories on google. I saw a picture of a girl with her hair in a ponytail and all of a sudden, for absolutely no reason at all, I wanted to have longer hair. I want to be able to pull my hair into a ponytail again.

So there you go.

I'm going to use my sleeping time on thinking about making feltstufffs. 

Gen Con and The Rexburg

Gen Con Gen Con GEN CON!!!

I love it.

I loved all the talks. Theme (according to Eolhc)- Adversity: Why it is Necessary and How to Get Through it.

But I'm not presumptuous.

Watching Gen Con reminded me of last year's conference. That was so fun, and such a great experience.

I budgeted and figured that in order for me to live in Le Burg for winter, I need a job. Even just an on-campus job will work. But it'd be cool if I could get a longer-term one. I'm going to do what I can, and pray that it works out and that I'm supposed to stay in Rexburg, because I don't think I could bear another four months at home. I'm done with that phase. 

But to find a job...I'm scared. I've never had a "real" job and so I don't really know how to work, and I'm shy so I won't be able to talk to my co-workers unless they talk to me first. Maybe I'll do something where I don't have to interact too much, thereby prolonging the problem. Yes, I'll do that, because I'm comfortable with that.

11 days. I love piano.

Hi, Hello, Hey: Let's all be gay (happy)!

Financial aid came in! (finally)

It's for fall/spring '09/'10.

Tomorrow, I get to create a budget and find out how much it costs to stay in Burgland for winter semester. 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: If I can help it, I'm never returning to this blasted, cursed, idiot state with its laid-back people and horrid weather. (grumble grumble)

So for tomorrow, at least, I have purpose!

1 week, 4 days. 11 days.

The closer it gets, the longer it takes to get here. Time is definitely relative. Sidetrack- Isn't it so cool how everything is relative? It was physics that first helped me to realise that. Right now, I'm moving at zero kilometers per second. OR AM I?! I'm also moving at 0.5 km/s, 30 km/s, and 250 km/s, according to this site: www.enchantedlearning.com/subjects/astronomy/planets/earth/Speeds.Shtml.

Because I am on the earth, I move as fast as the earth moves when I'm not moving. 

Take a physics class. It is so WAY interesting. But make sure you get a good teacher. My teacher was a prat, therefore I learned a LOT less than I could have and everything got all muddled. He was a coach. Coaches shouldn't teach. Especially not physics. But take a physics class. I'm definitely giving it another go. It really helps you look at the world differently. 

Then again, I'm a nerd. Don't tell anyone, though.

I made caramel today. It was FAWESOME!!! Like so immensely incredibly delicious, I would eat the whole dang pan if I didn't give a fart about my body.

Here's the recipe. Make it. Eat it. Get fat.

Or not.

http://www.leitesculinaria.com/recipes/cookbook/caramels.html

We also went to the beach. There were stupid ugly clouds covering the entire sky except for a sliver at the horizon where we watched the sun for maybe 5-10 minutes as it set. It was pretty, but still can't beat those sunsets in the Burg.

I also went on the trampoline in a short-sleeved shirt in the 44 degree windy spring weather. How's that for MANLY!?

Oh, and last night I made chicken tetrazzini. It is the FACE! But I don't have the link, and no one pays any attention to the recipes I post anyways, so it doesn't matter.

I had oatmeal for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner today. 

There's really nothing else that sounds good (besides cereal) and the way I make it, it's just delicious. 

What?

You want to hear how I make delicious oatmeal?!

Of course you do. Because I know that everyone who has access to a computer reads my blog and tries the recipes I recommend, you're all just too shy to comment. I know how it is.

So, usually you boil 1 cup water with a dash of salt, then add 1/2 cup oats.

Well, I use 2 cups of water with 1/4 tsp salt, then add 1/2 cup oats. 

Then I put it in this green glass bowl that we have, and it's big, and I add milk to about 1/2 in from the top (maybe 1/2-3/4 cup?)

Then I add some cinnamon (1/2 tsp?) and some Splenda (a few tbsps).

It's really REALLY good, and it fills you up, unlike just having 1 regular serving.

Beat that.

I wore a dress to the beach.

I have 11 more days in this evil place.

I like piano.

No, I LOVE piano. And I'm dead nervous for my class. Where's Confidence? I need him (because Confidence is definitely a him...Haughtiness is a girl, Arrogance is unisex, Cockiness is a guy, Shyness is a girl, and so on).

Tomorrow is General Conference and I'm so glad. I'm going to watch it at the church so that I don't have the chatelaines to distract me. I can't wait to go down to SLC for fall.

I need a hairtrim.

11 days.

e-l-e-v-e-n-d-a-y-s

Have you heard of the Leven Thumps books? Have you read them? You should, they're good.

Next week is spring break for the chatelains, and it's gonna suck to death.

S:OIEN:FHLWHEB"QPOWHJRNBG?K>X

I'm tired and I refuse to sleep.

I'm going to go use the bathroom then go waste time and try not to fall asleep.

Then tomorrow I'll sleep in then go to Gen Con and then stay for two hours and play piano (I'll bring lunch with me) then watch Gen Con then play piano s'more. Same on Sunday, except for the 2 hour break we have choir practise. Did I mention I'm singing alto, and it's awesome?

Hey-o.