Thursday, November 6, 2008

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

So last night I went on a DATE. My first real one since...ever. Oh, sure I went to junior prom, but that didn't count, 'cuz my sister set it up, and we weren't even really friends, and junior prom sucked. And then Craig...have you guys heard the Craig story? Well....

First day of school. After classes, I go to the gym. I can't find where the changing room is, and I ask this kid that I see if he knows where it is. But he says he's looking for it also. So we look for it, find it, say 'bye. I'm on the elliptical. See him as he goes to and from the weight room. An hour passes, I'm almost done, he comes up to me while I'm still on the elliptical. 
"Hey, uh, you wanna, uh, go on a date?"
 I'm like, what? But he's not ugly or fat, so I say, "Um, sure!"
 "Can I have your number?"
 I don't know it, so I give him my apt. number.
 "So, uh, when do you want to go?" 
"Umm...seven would be okay." 
 I finish, go back to the locker room, start home. As I'm walking home, I remember that we have FHE that night. So I say "Oh crap" to myself, and decide that I'll just skip FHE. After all, it IS my first date. So it's 6:45-ish. My roomies go to our FHE dudes' apartment. I wait. And wait. 'til 7:15. I leave a sticky note on the door, and go to FHE. Fast forward to Wednesday. I'm walking to the gym again after class. I run into Craigless. I find out he'd gone to a different apartment accidentally. So it was just a misunderstanding, a bad memory. Not a blow off. (although if he "liked" me enough to ask me on a date, how could he have not remembered the apartment number? Loser.) So we talk on the way to the gym, then set another date. i gave him my number, 'cuz i wrote it down (big mistake. now i have him listed in my phone as "Dont' Answer Me". Word to the wise- don't EVER give your number out to strangers. Especially strangers who ask you on dates). Fast forward to date night. My roomies decided to invite over one of our FHE bros (one of the roomies had/has? a crush on him) and get pizza and play games and stuff. So since Craigless' idea was to "i dunno, maybe go get something to eat?", i invited him over to do pizza and games with us. But FHE dude stayed just long enough to have a bit of pizza, then left, so I was stuck with Craig-o and nothing to do.  So then I ate my own dinner, and we sat at the table and talked about nothing interesting. I had to make the conversation. That's how boring he was. He's from alaska. A small, isolated town in Alaska. Without a McDonald's. WTF. What town doesn't have a McDonald's?! Anyways, I was bored, so I said "let's go out somewhere". Yeah. I was suggesting stuff. Lame. So we went to the MC and got some pints of ice cream and ate them there, and talked some more about nothing. Actually, I  talked about nothing, and asked questions. He just kinda sat there and was weird. And boring to death. But I pretended to have fun, and tried to trick myself that I was having fun. I wanted to be done already, but I don't know how to end a date, so we meandered around a bit, and we were like, "okay, what do we do now?" So he said, "wanna go to my apartment?" (oh, funny side-story: We were walking to his apt and I think we were talking about how much we loved BYU-I, and how we knew we were supposed to be here or something, and I remember this: "Yeah, my brother went here, and said he loved it. He met his wife in the first week he was there." I rolled my eyes mentally and thought to myself, 'yeah, real subtle, loser. What happened to tact? Or knowing a person first?'  I just laugh when I think about it.) So we get to his apt, and plop down on the couch. And watch football. And I'm still nice, and pretend to be interested, asking questions about how it works and such. I don't know how I ended it, I just know that I was glad when it was over. 

So he called me the next day to go to a demolition derby...two problems here. One: demolition derby?!?! What kind of girl wants to go to a demolition derby?!?!?!?!! Two: calling the night after the first date is just something you don't do. So I said no.

A couple days later I was thinking about it a bit more, and decided that Craigless was just boring. He just had a boring personality. Not fun. Not funny. He came to my apartment one night after he had gotten out of class on some Thursday, prolly, like, a week after date #1, and asked me on another date, and I said yes, even though I didn't want to. Thought I'd give him another chance. When the night came to go on a date, it felt like a chore. I didn't want to go at all. Once again, he had no idea what we were gonna do. Somehow we ended up going to his apartment complex's lounge, and we played a couple games of pool (neither of us knew what we were doing), a couple games of foozball, and a couple games of battleship. It would have been okay if he weren't just a lump. He didn't talk! He just laughed his annoying laugh. You KNOW a date is bad if I'm the one making most of the conversation and asking all the questions. So I eventually ended it by saying I was tired (i was) and earlier i had told him that i wanted to be back by nine 'cuz it was saturday before church or something. i was actually tired; i stayed up late the night before. And it was close to nine. So he walked me home. I either kept my phone off or left it on silent for a while after this. (cruel, cruel. But I don't have good coping strategies when it comes to people. So there.) A month or so later (I actually don't know. Time is weird here. It may have been longer, it may have been shorter) I was with roomies at some flag football thing. Phone rang, nonlabelled number came up. I answered, t'was Craig-o.
 "Hey, uh, haven't talked to you in a while." You don't talk.
 "I was, uh, wondering if you wanted to go on another date." NO NO NO NO
 "Uh, sure."
 "Alright...how 'bout, um, tomorrow?"
 "I'm busy tomorrow." I really was. It was a hectic week. 
"Um, heh, alright, what about Friday?"
 "I'm doing something else on Friday" I was.
 "What about Saturday?" 
"Noooo, I'm waay busy on Saturday." And I was. Like I said, hectic week. 
"Alright, what're you doing next week?"
 "I have no idea. I never know what I'm doing for the week until I'm already into it." True also. "Alright. How about I just call you sometime next week then?" 
"Alright" 
"Alright. Heh. Well, talk to ya later then..." 
"Yep! Bye!"
 "Bye..."
He didn't call back. Thank goodness. I'm a bad  person...

Where was I....Oh, right. So I don't count those as dates. But last night (I guess it's two nights ago now, since it's one AM!) me n' date went to Subway and then swing dancing, and it was actually fun! I felt way self-conscious when I was swing dancing, but it was still good. 



Hmm, other random stuff...

I made a pumpkin roll today. With cream cheese frosting filling. My roomies and neighbor assured me it was good. I overcooked the cake a bit, and the frosting filling looked ugly, but whatever. If they liked it, I'm happy. I'm gonna make pumpkin muffins some time, and pumpkin pie, and pumpkin pancakes. By time this month is over, our dorm's gonna hate pumpkin :D
But we share it with the world, so it's okay. Roomies take the stuff to work and class and neighbors and stuff. I'm wondering if they're giving me enough credit, though....I need to be known for SOMETHING. And baking is all I know, 'specially since I killed my nails. Maybe I'll get my hair done again. Or maybe just give up and fade into the background as before.

Tonight I went to a performance in the Snow building put on by a club called "Piano Improv Workshop". It was SO AMAZING!! Everything they played, they made up right there. It was soooo amazing. I asked if I could go to the workshop (every Thursday), even though I've never played an instrument and could only recognise a few notes and have never played the piano. They said yes. So I am going. And then I went to my favorite piano and played "Lead Kindly Light" and the soprano and alto of a couple other hymns, and the only song I actually know: a simplified version of Canon. Then I actually communicated with the piano for a little bit when I played some random stuff, trying to convey my emotions. It sucks; I can hear the piano calling, and it tries to tell me things, but I can't understand its language, except briefly for a VERY few occasions. But when I do connect, and understand, and communicate, it is so beautiful, I can't even describe the feeling. I can't wait for my class next semester. And maybe they'll teach me stuff at the improv workshop. I hope so. And then today there's a thing called Grand Pianos Live. I'm so stoked. It's gonna be awesome.

Saturday I'm going to Walmart to buy a couple of CDs and then to grocery store to buy groceries with whatever money's left. I have no idea what to buy, though..the only really cheap things are food that's bad for you, like Ramen, less than a dollar for eight or something, but 190 cals and too much fat for 1/2 the package. So 380 for the whole thing. And it doesn't even fill you up. Then there are those disgusting fake-food frozen Banquet meals. I could just eat a can of tuna for a meal, I guess. But that'll get boring really fast. So it'll be fun to see what I do.

On Sunday, there's stake conference, and I'm singing in the choir (they sound so awesome. I'm excited). Then I'm making CRANBERRY MEATBALLS for dinner, and those are SOO good. Kat's coming to eat with us. It'll be a blast. And then there's stadium singing, claro que si!

I have ANOTHER 1500 word paper due on Thursday, a critique. How do I make a critique be 1500 words?!?!? Crazy english teacher. He's way cool though. A really nice old guy. I like him a lot. But this one-semester english class is gonna kill me. OH!! I did get an 82% on my english test that I took on Tuesday. I was stoked. Maybe I'll actually pass that class with more than a D. That's more than I can say for math, though. I got a lovely 64% on my last test. It was on finances and crap. Husbands do that stuff. Not women. Women cook. Women clean. Women take care of kids. Husbands earn the money and budget and do finances. And if I don't get married, I'll.....be a hobo. They don't have to worry about finances. So there. 

I was so out of it last night when I was writing in my journal. My brain just shut off, so I closed the journal, put it on a shelf by my bed, and went to sleep. I think I was asleep before I even hit the pillow. I don't even remember. I woke up the next morning to find that I hadn't even gotten under the covers. XD I must have been waay dead. And I stay up late again. Stupid stupid stupid. 

My mum sent a package last Monday, and it came yesterday. :D It had scarves, hats, gloves, my recipe book (YES YES YES!!! I CAN COOK NOW!!! I'm psyched!!), church boots, not-ugly tennis shoes, four church books, and a birthday card that made me happy and sad. I wish I were going home for Thanksgiving. But after Thanksgiving break, there are only two weeks left of school, and then it's home for Christmas break. I know I'm gonna be sad to leave this place, though. There are so many things that I'm gonna miss: the Snow building and the variety of musics that come out of the practise rooms, and the pianos in the building that are free for anyone to use, Music Outlet, Stadium Singing, my ward, church choir, walking to the grocery store because you have to, not 'cuz you want to, my Book of Mormon class, the shows that the college has, my freedom, my independence, the Spirit of Ricks, my roommates, my neighbors, staying up unhealthily late, the Spori quad, being able to walk wherever you want whenever you want (within curfew, of course), modesty in language and dress, people's kindess, everyone having nearly the same standards, the Honor Code, my bishop, the Hinckley building, the Gardens, DI...so many things. All just to go see my family....I don't even know if my baby bro remembers me. He can say everyone else's name, and he's learned so much.

It's 2:41 now.

My computer has something wrong with it, my camera has something wrong with it, and tonight I broke the bulb in my bed light. Now I just need to break an arm or leg.

I'm so tired but I hate sleeping. There are so many other things I really want to be doing right now.

I still love pianos, and am so glad I could go to the Piano Improv performance. I just can't get over how cool it was! They were so talented, and so kind, and they seemed like such fun people. And I fear I'll never be able to play the piano well. I really want to play Chopin's stuff. It's so full of emotion. I'm listening to his Nocturne #2 right now......so beautiful. SO beautiful. It's my absolute favorite song for the piano that I've heard so far. I love that bittersweet sound.

One of my roomies is passive-agressive. She's rude in a girly, manipulative "oh, sorry, didn't know that would make you mad. no offense" kind of way. Girls. Emotions. Both useless. Both necessary.

It's so dry. The inside of my nose hurts.

I'm tired. I hate sleeping. It's not even three. I just want it to be Saturday. I want those CDs. 

For any of you who actually read this all the way through, CONGRATS!! I just wasted several minutes of your life. 

Orright. Can't drag it out any longer. I'm gonna collapse. Tiempo para dormir. 

'night y'all.

Chole Lammy

2 comments:

Chloe said...

Oh my holy. This is a long post. I didn't even realise. Well, mega-props to anyone who comments!!

Danette said...

Yeah, props to me!
This is like a novel and I would be happy to read any sequels :-)
I couldn't stop laughing about the dates you were suckered into. You had me rolling over here. I'm glad you went on a real date where you had fun and enjoyed yourself. You best be posting pics of any guys you are really interested in. We need some kind of code word for the ones you really like, in case they check your blog or something. Let me know what word you want to use and I'll know when it's one you are really hot after! When you come back to MI for Christmas I'm going to drive up so that you can make me something. Mmmmm, when you talk about food on here it makes me so hungry.
Ok, I'll stop, this about as long as the post.