Wheat Chex and Soymilk

I hate that it gets so dark so early. Then it feels like you're not allowed to do anything. But I really wanna go somewhere. But there's nowhere to go. And I need 377 more words for my essay. And I need to take two tests tomorrow. And I don't know if I have math homework. I need....a break. 

But I made Baklava for the first time for FHE tonight. Everyone said they liked it. I also made pumpkin bars this morning (because of the massive amount of pumpkin I have that needs a-usin') and took those. I don't think my roomies like to eat the stuff I make. At least, one doesn't.  But she's a freak. We still have some pumpkin bread and some pumpkin seeds. 

My nails are gone, so it's easier to play the piano. It's way awesome. I almost have "Lead Kindly Light" (#97) down. Well, no, I know the parts, but putting them together makes my hands go slowly.

I hate these lulls.

Nothing Is Real

Hey, I found this draft. I think I was out of it when I was writing it. Which is why it was saved as a draft, and not posted. I must have just closed my computer and zombied my way to bed.

Hummmmmm......haven't posted in 4eva.  I cut my nails...actually, I ripped them all off :)

I made my pinky bleed. And now I have short nails. But I can "play" the piano better!! I'm excited about that. The only other problem is that now, I have absolutely nothing to set me apart from the masses. I am, as the blog proclaims, "averagechlo". Nothing special or outstanding, unless it stands out how plain I am.

I have a paper due Monday, a paper due Tuesday, two tests on Tuesday, and a test on Wednesday. It's stinkwad supreme.  But I'll survive. 

My computer was being all stupid, but it's okay-ish now. It started tonight: whenever I'd turn it on, it would give me a black screen that said "blah blah blah blah reseat your memory". I didn't know what to do, so I called Mom (at 11pm my time, 1am their time :D ). Thank goodness she was still up painting. So she woke up Dad, and he took a couple minutes to be coherent, and then he tried to help me but couldn't (His expertise is in macs. He worked for Apple for some years), and then looked for a number for customer support at Dell. I called them, and they were actually really helpful, but in the end I needed to unscrew the back of my laptop to "reseat the memory" (take it out and put it back in). I don't have any tools at all, so I was kinda bummed, but then I thought one of my FHE bros might have mini-screwdrivers (he did) and he was awesome enough to drive down to my dorm to drop them off with 10 minutes left until curfew was over. I found one that worked, unscrewed my laptop, readjusted, figured out how to put it back in, and screwed my laptop back together. I turned it on. It didn't work. So I repeated that a couple more times, then I prayed, then did it again, and it still didn't work.  But I found something online that said something like, "I had bad memory and I removed it and my comp worked". So I removed the memory, and my comp worked!! I prayed again (always give thanks right after, or you'll forget!!). Now I know that the memory is being stupid. But why is it being stupid? Why all of a sudden? Either I have a virus, I damaged something (doubt it), or one of my roomies stepped on my comp or something. But they wouldn't tell me if I did. And while we're on the subject of not telling, MY ROOMIES KEEP STEALING MY FOOD!!! I was almost 3,000% positive that the diet sodas that I JUST bought were being stolen, and I have proof!! Whenever I drink a soda, I pull off the tab that you use to pop it open (I'm collecting them :P ), and I found one in the trash that DIDN'T have the tab off. Isn't it enough that I bake for them all the time? That I spent all my grocery money on baking stuff? But now they're not eating the stuff I baked for them, and I (being the stupid paranoid idiot jerk that I am) feel like they're doing it on purpose, like they know that there's lots of calories in it, so they won't eat it. I know. Illogical, irrational, unlikely. But that's what I think. I also think one of my roomies won't eat in front of me, but that may just be me projecting: I'm afraid to eat in front of this roomie, because she STARES at me and tries to see what I'm eating (I KNOW that this isn't paranoia.) And then I feel like when I do eat in front of her, she gets this air of triumph, and has a noticeable improvement in mood, like she was just waiting for me to eat so that she could be like, "ha ha, you ate, and I didn't." And the stupidest thing is that she eats all these way high-cal, fatty, unhealthy foods, because I see the wrappers and boxes in the trash, but just not around me, I guess. And she's "overweight" or whatev. Fat. But there are so many subtle things that she does that just makes me wonder. And it may be all in my head, and I may be reading too much into it. But it's really bothering me. 

I'm tired all of a sudden. It's only 2:35.

I bought a 10-lb bag of flour on Friday, plus a buttload of other bakingstuffs. I am SO stoked. I LOVE LOVE LOVE baking!! I'm making baklava for FHE tomorrow. But I need to go buy nuts and brown sugar. And I need more yeast. 

Holy cow, I'm falling asleep sitting here. I need to STOP going to bed so late. And procrastinating. And eating right before I go to bed.

On College Grocery Shopping

It's a nice, crisp morning. You set off towards the grocery store, cash in pocket, reveling in your independence. Once at the store, you take pleasure in choosing things that you like, limited only by your financial-aid college-student budget. You arrive at the checkout. After everything's scanned,  you discover that you didn't bring enough. Fine, fine. It's a bit embarassing, but you'll live. You come out of the store with your bags in hand. They're heavier than you'd thought they'd be, but you'll be fine walking home. You can do it. Then as you're crossing the crosswalk, stuff starts to fall out. Oh crap. That's when you realise that maybe you should have gotten a ride. But it's too late now, so you keep going. The bags are feeling REALLY heavy by now (maybe it's those 13 pounds of apples you bought), and you still have forever to go. But then a car slows on the side of the road. Could it be? YES! BYU-I spirit comes through!! You're offered a ride by a nice junior, who explains that she used to do the same thing. You thank her when you get out, relieved that you didn't have to walk all the way home with your apples and cans and split bags. You laugh at yourself, feel glad that you're at such an awesome school, and know that you'll probably do the same thing again sometime soon, and there'll be no one to help you. But that's okay, because you're building muscle and getting in shape. Or something.

True story.

I don't like not having anything to do....like right now...I have no homework, I have nowhere to go 'til 9, I have no books.....I have to always be doing something!!!!!!!! I need a mega-social life. 

That's me being bored..

THANKS SISTER PETERSON!!!

...for the birthday card and gift card!! I really like the card, and yes, I AM totally hot, aren't I? 

Tee hee, just kidding. Thanks though! I don't mind that it's not a care package. I know that you care :)

Singing, Stadium Singing, Accepting Compliments, and Wishing

Ever since I practised with the choir last Sunday (first time! I felt so self-conscious), I've had "Lead, Kindly Light" (#97) stuck in my head. Playing it on the piano doesn't help, and singing it makes it worse. Listening to it just makes me want to sing it. The choir is singing it this Sunday, and I half want to sing it with them, but I'd be afraid that I'd mess it up. I don't know if they'd allow me, since I just practised with them this one time. I'd also be self-conscious, singing in front of a whole bunch of people when I don't even think that I sing well. I don't want to embarass  myself.

Last Sunday, at stadium singing, we finally sang "CALLED TO SERVE" (#249). I had requested it via online posting and I wasn't sure if that board was checked. I guess it was though. I got SO excited when they showed the number we were going to sing. "Called To Serve" is my absolute favorite song in the world (but I'm considering putting "Lead, Kindly Light" right up there with it). We sang "Lead, Kindly Light" at stadium singing also, and "Onward, Christian Soldiers" (#246), another song I really like. I LOVE stadium singing SOOOO MUCH!!! I can't even describe how much I love it. It's the thing I look forward to the most. Right after it's over, I want it to be next Sunday. I LOVE STADIUM SINGING!!!!! This last time it was snowing while we sang, and it was cold, and that made it so much better somehow. I LOVE STADIUM SINGING!!!!

ANOTHER  thing I did last Sunday was to teach relief society. It was my first time teaching, and it was mother's day weekend, so the girls were there with their mothers. I think Heavenly Father made it so I wouldn't be nervous, because I wasn't that nervous. Until afterward. But that's okay. I could tell that during my lesson, I was guided by the spirit, and I hope the girls were taught by the spirit. They were all so quiet. And some were whispering to each other. But people did volunteer sometimes, so I'm glad. And I got lots of compliments at the end. But that was probably because I brought treats (those Pillsbury Halloween sugar cookies) and the girls had to pass by me to get a cookie. And because when the teacher brings treats, you have to compliment them on their lesson. That's one of those mormon rules. But in the part of me that carries my small amount self-esteem, I was remembering the compliments, and enjoying them. One mother said to me that she learned a lot about teaching from me. Lots of the girls just said that it was a good lesson and they learned a lot and that I did a really good job and that there were a lot of good insights shared. I wish I knew what they really thought of the lesson and of my teaching, and whether they learned anything. I hope I actually did teach them. I never trust people when they give me compliments, and if I do trust them enough to accept their compliment, I brush it off and assume that they're "just being nice". I really wish I knew. 

Sometimes, XX XXXXXXXX REALLY annoys me. XXXXXXX to XXX XXXXXXXX and  XXXXXXX at me XXXXX I XXX and such. Idiot. 

I really wish I could play the piano.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the more you have, the longer you live.

And speaking of birthdays, MINE IS TOMORROW!!!

I'll be a legal adult!

Whaddya think of that?!

That means that tonight is the last night that I am without all my rights. How sad.

I'm gonna wake up tomorrow with gray hair.