Every day, I become more annoyed that time is a limited resource.
I've come to find that the more I know, the more I want to know, so it's like getting more hungry the more I eat.
And I have potential. But I have to waste it on being a mother and stagnating at home while my husband gets to go live life and learn and do different things every day. We had a large discussion about this tonight, with the conclusion that it's about faith and exaltation requiring you to have a family, and the fact that we get experience families now rather than later, and we have eternity to learn when we die. I wanted something tangible, but alas, faith is the answer. It's annoying. Learning about economics, I am finally able to put my frustration into words: the opportunity cost of having a family is HUGE. Like, HUGE. And this annoys me. I don't know if it's worth it. Although my logic tells me that the long-term benefits are worth it, I see the short-term. And the short-term tells me that it is SO not worth it to have a family. There is so much else that could be so much more beneficial that I could be doing. And my short-term logic just can't handle the option of being a mother knowing that my opportunity cost is so huge. To choose the route of mother is just...irrational. And that's not allowed in my world. I see the short-term benefits, and right now, the short-term benefits are the long-term benefits, if that makes sense.
It's just...stupid for me to choose to be a mother. For other people, the opportunity cost isn't so big, so it would make more sense for them to use their lives to spawn. But I could do so much more- I have the desire, the potential. I don't want to waste it! I am so frustrated.
Waste, waste, waste. I could do so much more. And I know, because I'm logical, that I'll eventually become a mother, and waste my life anyway, because my purely logical side can see the long-term benefits, and is, ultimately, the most rational. But my short-term, not-so-purely logical side (I suppose, then, it would be my emotional side-- another reason why emotions are useless-- see previous post) knows that I will be INCREDIBLY unhappy and dissatisfied with life, and restless.
Waste. It's so frustrating, and even more so, now that my vague frustrations can be precisely articulated, and the ideas expanded.
So, I need to learn as much as I can now, since my learning and thus my progression will halt and then move backward once I become a mother.
Bollucks, then.
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2 comments:
Faith doesn't prevent you. It enables you. Waste? I guess it depends on what your definition of waste is. And I don't think that family and motherhood is waste. You can guarantee that you will have opportunities to accomplish great things in the future. But ONLY if you have faith. Otherwise even if you never decide to be a mom you future accomplishments will wash away with time. Eternal perspective in ALL your goals is the only way doing anything has meaning. Faith will direct you where you can accomplish the most. Your potential is great, it's true. God knows that more than anyone. He's a GOD, and you are his KID! What greater potential could anyone have? I guess it comes into letting him guide you that you can become that greatest and do the most you can. Faith.
Chloe you have this all wrong. I have worked, graduated from college, worked in the medical field, started my own photography business and you know what I would give it all away for my children. There is nothing like raising my three adorable children. They are Heavenly Father's children and I have been given the honor and privileged of raising them. I honestly do not believe I am wasting my time at all. I have learned what is really important in life through my children. Yes, there may be more exciting things to do for some, but it can never give you true happiness. True happiness is when my 21 month old wraps her arms around my neck and gives me the biggest hug or when my little guy tells me he loves me even thou I am not a perfect mom or when I hear my 6 year old giggle. That is happiness. I love being a wife and mother and I am not just saying that. It is wonderful and hard at the same time, but I would never want to do anything else. Being a mother doesn't stop you from doing the things you love. I LOVE cooking and get to do it everyday. I LOVE taking pictures and I have some great models. Families can be expensive, but you don't need a lot to be happy. The world wants you to think that money is everything, my kids are doing just fine with what they have. They are happy, smart, have great friends and know that they are loved. Money cannot buy those things. The world wants you to think having a family is a waste, but Chloe follow your heart what does it say? The world wants us to be selfish and to only think about ourselves, but if that was the case I wouldn't have three beautiful children sleeping in their beds right now. Being a mother is one of the most unselfish things you can ever do in this life. Yes, Gage gets to go to work everyday, but it isn't always fun. There are many, many, many days he would rather stay home with us!!
Life is what you make of it Chloe. No matter what you do in life it is going to be hard. Heavenly Father has sent you here and he has a great work for you to do. It is up to you to listen and know what that work is. Only you will know. It might be raising His children in this crazy world. To teach them how to love, show compassion and to teach them about the Savior. Nobody else can do that Chloe but you.
I can honestly say I wouldn't want anyone else raising my children and here Heavenly Father is letting me raise His. I can testify to you that it is NOT a waste. It is the greatest work I will ever do in this life and doing this work will bring me closer to my Heavenly Father and His son, my Savior Jesus Christ.
There are many who cannot I have children, but continue to teach the world by there example and Sister Morgan is one of them. She would be the best mother, but hasn't got the chance yet. So whatever your mission is Chloe do it with all of your heart and remember that you are a daughter of God and he loves you very much and is always there for you! Don't you ever forget that!! YOu have a wonderful future ahead of you, let the Spirit guide you along the way. I love you.
Love, Sister Dixon
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