Fun Times

After two-or-so hours of reading, example-ing, and talking to myself, I finally understand percentiles!

It was so worth it.

A New Hope

Hope hath been restored in my dreams of being a math tutor.

I'm thinking that all these good things that have been happening during this break are because I started reading scriptures every day during the break. My roommate was talking to me once about something, and I don't remember if I asked her a question, or if this was just part of her story, but she said something about that doing the little things, like reading the scriptures every day, make a huge difference. This didn't make sense to me, how something so small as reading the scriptures could make such a difference. It's just reading. But then another time after that I was talking to my mom, and complaining about something or other, and she said, "I thought of something. Have you been reading your scriptures every day?" I hadn't, and she told me to, and then she said that it makes a difference. There were also a lot of testimonies given this semester in my ward about how powerful reading the scriptures every day could be. I kept hearing this, and I knew that there must be a reason why everyone kept saying it, but I still didn't get it. I didn't understand how just by reading the scriptures, there will be big improvements in your life.

During the break, I've actually had ample time to read my scriptures, so I have been. And I've had a lot of good things happen: I got to work at Great Harvest for 3 days and earned $110, I had an awesome Christmas Eve and an awesome Christmas, I got to go to a friend's house on Sunday and just hang out, someone bought my contract that I've been really worried about not selling, and it's likely that I'll get to be a math tutor.

I still don't know how reading the scriptures every day makes that big of a difference. I can see how saying prayers helps you to remember Christ and Heavenly Father and your dependence on them, I can see how keeping the law of chastity and word of wisdom help, I can see how going to church helps. But just reading? I don't understand. But I love it. And I love all the people that Heavenly Father put in my path so that I would learn this, among numerous other things. I am so thankful for this church. I would be lost without it. It gives me purpose, it gives me hope, it gives me perspective, it gives me guidance. 

I am so grateful. 

Vivid Dreams

So I decided to start my morning off by reading my calculus book.

And then I spent an hour (or two) making sense of the formal definition of a function, until I REALLY understood it for sure.

I understand it now. Math makes even more sense when you understand the reasons behind everything.

It's so dang cool.


I had a dream about calculus last night. And chemistry.
This took place in a ginormous building that had classrooms, labs, a giant library/computer room on one of the higher floors with windows taking up the ceiling and walls (it sort of reminded me of a terminal), escalators, stairs; almost like a mall/terminal that had been gutted and turned into a school, but even bigger, with, like, five floors and a basement.

It was the last day of school. For some reason, I was rushing around the school. I could see into the classrooms as I ran past: in the basement were the lab classrooms, college-age kids slouching on the lab stools, head on their hands, waiting for the class to be over as the teacher just lecturelecturelectured; up the stairs, skip the first floor, which had tons of students walking around, going to classes; on the second floor, chemistry classrooms, where I see my chemistry teacher (who had been teaching my trigonometry class also), and I paused to talk to him about the class and to ask him a question about my calculator and some assignments, he told me that I had to turn in my calculator before a certain time and that I'd better hurry, since it was almost that time, so I was running, running, running (and this is where I realised why I was running); up to the third floor, where there was a cafeteria; up the stairs again, running so fast past the fourth floor; fifth floor, where all the math classrooms were, and also the giant computer lab, and there were tons of students on the computers, some walking around, doing some last-minute last-day stuff, discussing things with their teachers.

When I got up to the fifth floor, my chemistry teacher was there, and I gave him my calculator. It was a few minutes past the time, however, so he took points off of my grade. He had these eight blue tickets, like the kind for raffles, only larger. He tore off five of them, kept those, and gave me the remaining three. I wasn't given the five because of the calculator being turned in late and because I had also lost points for the assignments I had been asking about. This was on top of a lot of points that he had taken off my grade because of the assignments. I was very disappointed and mad at myself, but I didn't hate the teacher, because he was cool, and it was mostly my fault (This part of my dream mirrors real life: a similar thing happened with my stats teacher, where he didn't count an assignment, so I got a B in the class, but I still like the guy. He's a good teacher. I'm thinking that this part of my dream also translates to my knowing I could have done better than I did in my classes last semester, which really makes me mad at myself. I could have done better.)
But there were still three tickets left, and he gave those to me, and said that they were each worth 32 extra credit points on my final exam. I was a bit alarmed, because I didn't know about this exam (I thought I was done with all my finals), and because if there were eight tickets that I could have gotten, and they were each worth 32 points, then did that mean that I would need all those points because the exam was so hard and I would miss a ton? Then he gave me the take-home final that was maybe 100 pages thick, all word problems that combined trigonometry and chemistry. He explained that it was due on January 4th, the day before winter semester began. I looked at the first problem (it took up half of the first page just explaining the problem), and I was scared for my life. I knew it was going to take FOREVER. Later, I realised that I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to take it in the testing center (which would have been bad, since the testing center was closed for the break) or at home, and I couldn't contact my chem teacher, since it was break. So I was moderately stressed about the test, and upset at myself for the points and the five tickets that I lost. This was for trigonometry, and I thought for sure that I'd get an A in trigonometry, but now it looked as though I would be lucky to get a B. I was very disappointed in myself. 

So school was over, and classes were out, and there were lots of people just lingering, talking, getting a few more things done. I was walking down the stairs, down to the first floor. I reached the landing of the first floor, and there was a periodical table posted on the wall across from the stairs and a bookcase on the wall adjacent to the stairs, on the left. The door to go to the first floor was opposite the bookcase-wall, and the stairs to go down were to the right of the stairs that went up. I went to check out the bookcase. There weren't books in there, but little chemistry sets and models and beakers and such. There was this one glass model that was an outline of a hexagon, with a total "diameter" of maybe two feet, but the middle had no glass. The outline was one inch tall and one inch wide, and the whole thing was pretty large and heavy, but also incredibly fragile. I took it off the shelf, because it explained a question that I had about chemistry or something, but I set it on the floor, and it just shattered. Some of the glass went over the floor, but most of it stayed in the hexagonal shape. I stepped on some of the glass, because for some reason, right then, I was wearing socks. It hurt, and blood was leaking through my socks. Then one of the girls who used to be in my chem class (she was actually in my chem class last semester, and she's really smart), but who was now in O-chem and a couple of other chem classes, and physics too, came down the stairs. She saw me, and I asked her the question that I had been trying to figure out with the model. She said something like "Oh, I know this!" then came on the landing with me and started to piece the model back together. I told her, "Don't come down here, there's glass all over the place" but she just said, "Nah, I won't step on it. It can't hurt me" or something to that effect. And she didn't step on the glass, and I knew she couldn't step on the glass (I had no idea why she couldn't) but I was still worried. Then another chem teacher (who's a biochem teacher at my school. I've never had him, but he seems cool. I have no idea why he was in my dream.) popped his head around the corner and made some comment about the question that I was asking, but his comment didn't answer my question all the way. He also said something to the girl about one of the classes that she had with him. She responded, then continued to put the model back together. She couldn't exactly remember how the model was supposed to go, so she couldn't answer my question. She was trying to remember how the model went, and when she was able to remember that, then she'd remember the answer to my question. The answer to my question was the model, or something, but I didn't understand the model all the way. I was just standing there, my feet hurting, waiting for her to remember how to reassemble the model (and she could reassemble it, even though it was glass, and it was broken). She was taking a while, though. The biochem teacher came back, and started explaining to her how to put it back together. As he was explaining it, she was saying "Oh, that's right" and other such exclamations of remembrance. They were still putting it back together, but I left for some reason. 

There was also this other part, where I was with one of my friends in the girl's bathroom. The bathroom was huge, but it was all just stalls and sinks. The bathroom was poorly lit (pitch black in some corners), dirty, dingy. The ceiling was high. The walls were this dark, rusty sort of red tile, with a stripe of dark olive green tile near the middleish, and on the stalls, there was the red tile with a stripe of dark dandelion yellow tile in the middle. The floors were dark blue tile. Everything was very dirty, stained with feces and urine and mould and dirt. There was the occasional rat running around, a few cockroaches, and lots of spiders. Most of the other people in the bathroom were larger, bulky girls, who looked dangerous and mean. Few of the locks on the stalls worked, and most of the toilets were clogged, and the water was brownish-green. But I suppose I really had to go. It took me a while to find a stall. My friend and I were just strolling along, talking. I finally went into this one stall, but it had a door on the opposite side that led into another larger stall. I went into the larger stall, just in case someone came into the smaller stall, but it was very dark, the toilet was horribly clogged, there were spiders and rats and a pool of nasty in the corner, and the lock didn't work. So I went to the smaller stall instead, but the lock didn't work very well on that either. I used it anyway. While I was using it, a girl came in, but backwards, because she was talking to someone else as she backed into the stall. I was shouting at them to get out, but it took a few times for her to notice me and then leave. So I finished using it, and was feeling bad for shouting at them. They were waiting outside the stall so they could use it, and I apologized for shouting, telling them that it was the first reaction that came into my mind. They said it was okay. Then I went and washed my hands, and my friend and I left.

For the past, like, five days I've been having weirdly vivid dreams like this. I'll wake up at some point in the night, probably around 2 or 3 or 4, then I'll fall back asleep, and I'll have one of these vivid dreams. Then I'll wake up and remember it. Saturday night, I had a dream that I called one of my friends and talked to them on the phone, but it seemed very real. Friday night, I had a dream that the humans were fighting cars, because the cars were trying to take over the earth, but we were in another dimension that belonged to the cars. The fighting all started out of miscommunication and confusion. And Thursday night I had a dream that Aurora had a kid that she pretended was mom's kid. There was also a part where I was at this weird store that looked kind of like WinCo, but the lighting made everything look dark blue, and it was night time outside, and there were mexican people. And a theatre, and rich people, and rich people's houses that we looked into because they were all set up like raquetball courts, and there was a ledge that you could walk across and look into the houses. They were nice houses.

I love vivid dreams.

Thoughts

It's so weird...

People really do change.

It's so weird.

Life moves on in other places, not just where I exist.

Other people grow up too, other people live their lives.

It's so weird.

Life is so weird. People are so peculiar.

It can seem so incredibly, laughably simple, or so hugely, incomprehensibly complex.

It's so weird...

The Major and Minor of it all.

My major is economics. My minor is math.

The only disappointing thing is that any time anyone will ask me what my major is, and I tell them, I'll get that pause, and you know they're thinking, "...BOring!" and then they'll verbally add the half-hearted reconciliate "Oh...cool...."

Oh well. I'm going to love it.

And the plan after college is still graduate school, but for econ, not statistics!

I'm so stoked.

There go all my hopes and dreams of being a math tutor...

Chloe's got a temporary job. COoliO

Today, I found a really neat way to play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
I doubt I'll be able to replicate it unless I am again in the zone.
Which happens once in a red moon.

I worked at a bread-baking place today. Not baking bread, though. But other stuff. And it was fun. 8 hours of fun. And I get paid to do it. That seems weird. I even got free bread.

I want to get my hair colored and cutted. Perhaps I shall.

Today, I told someone what my major was, because they asked. They didn't know me, and neither did they know I'd been frustrated with the whole thing. But when I told them my major, it felt right. So I don't think it's jinxed. But all the same, I want to change it and have it be mine, officially, antes de I tell everyone. Not that anyone's going to be excited about it. Heh.

It's 10pm. Tengo hambre. No quiero comer. Y manyana, trabajo. I feel like watching a movie. YouTube! A Beautiful Mind, or Cinderella Man? We shall see.

Calculus and Conversation

My calculus book came today, as did the box of presents that mum shipped to me.

I was more excited about the calculus book.

It was like an early Christmas.


I spent the entire day reading: reading my bio book (I'm dropping my bio class, though); reading my econ book; reading my calculus book; reading books for school. It was amazing. And I made a connection between calculus and statistics. On my own. And I even wrote it down on this little white board that we have in the apartment, and then took a picture of the white board so that I'd always have my discovery. I told my sister about it when she called, and she said I was a geek. No. I'm a nerd. But I'm hot, so it's okay.


I was talking with a friend tonight about everything from putting human life and the Atonement and love into a formula to missions. It was fascinating. There is so much to learn from everyone. And I know that the things I learn from the people I meet now will be important in some way later in life, and so I'd better pay attention. It's just amazing, what one can learn from others.


Oh, and I shan't put my major upon this blog, because it seems that every time I make it concrete, it's wrong, so suffice it to say that math shall be my minor and my major shan't be biology, nor will I do a double minor. Perhaps I'll put it up later. But I'm for sure for sure I'm in the right major now. And it is final and forever. No more changes. So there.

I'm so stoked for next semester. It'll be the best yet.


Looooveeee.

Nadie

Two weeks to do whatever I'd like, with some constraints.
My own house.
Nobody around to bother me.

Hmm...

Yep...this'll be good...


Yep.

The End is Nigh at Hand

One final left: The ACS Two Hour Mega-Comprehensive Fail-Me-Now Final.
I don't really care anymore.

Tee hee.
No more chem for me!!!!!

The Latest and Greatest

I tried to switch my major today, but we're having minor complications. Ha, unintended pun. But anyways, I can't switch it yet.

But really, I was having minor complications. I didn't know what to choose for my minor. It was between biology and economics. And then today, it hit me: double minor.

I realised that the only thing I'm really passionate about in biology is human anatomy and physiology, and so I decided to go with the entire major because I didn't know what else to do. But the classes I'm really looking forward to are the anat and phys classes. The other stuff is cool, but I don't have the intense interest like I thought, and that will harm me. Math, on the other hand (my new intended major), I've found that I definitely have a passion for. It's the weirdest thing.

So anyway, there are only four more classes in biology that I want to take that I'll really work for, but I have enough credits to make biology be my minor. At the same time, there are enough economics classes that I want to take to have economics be my minor. So what makes the most sense is to be a double minor.

Standby for details.

Muse

So either Muse is really really really good at faking it, or they actually feel the music that they're playing.

It's ALL about feeling it. Making it yours. Not playing a song, but singing your self. It's not just music, it's you.

Love.

Health Care Reform and Closed-Mindedness

Do you know what I've noticed?

Most nearly everyone (including myself) are biased towards information in terms of political party.

This sounds so obvious (because it is) but it goes deeper than I thought.

We've all heard of the new health care reform thingie that's going through the senate right now. I've been curious about it, because I don't know much about it, and I know it would have huge consequences on many aspects of our country. So I've talked to a couple of people and read one or two articles, and all the information I've found has been given to me through the filter of bias, opinion, and past experience. I don't want this kind of information. I want pure facts, and in addition to that, I would like opinions from people on both sides of the issue. So I looked up the official website that is promoting the reform, and I looked up the text of the actual bill itself.

While I was looking over both of these, I found that I was viewing the information on the website that is promoting the reform in a negative light, already doubting the effectiveness of the reform, and the motives of Obama and his peoples. But then I tried looking at it in a different way, just for kicks. What if this is actually good? What do the people who I talk to know? What should it matter that they are democrats?

Here's some opinion for you:

In my opinion, I think that the majority of the people who talk about this reform know almost no facts. I think that the majority form their opinions from what they see on the news, what they hear from other people, and which party is promoting it. I think that a small amount of people have done some research, but that this research has been clouded by either positive thoughts or negative thoughts, depending on their political affiliation. I think that more democrats support this reform just because it is from Obama or because they are defending their party so they "have to" go with it (like loyalty to a sports team that you were raised with, even though they may suck); and I think that republicans have a problem with it because it's from Obama and because the democrats are supporting it. I think that the democrats look at the good that the reform will do, and ignore the harmful effects, and that the republicans look at the bad effects that the reform will have and downplay the good or pass it off as "fluffy democratic do-good-to-all irrational, wishful thinking".

I think that if people want to have a strong opinion on anything, and argue for or against something, they should do the research for themselves. I think that people should be smart. It annoys me when people strongly argue for or against something without having their facts founded on something solid. It annoys me when people are closed-minded, inflexible, and unwilling to admit that they may be wrong. And it very much annoys me that most of our political crap is all about pushing the names of the parties and the generalizations and stereotypes that go with them, rather than the actual, technical things that the parties are trying to do. Those who really understand what's going on and THEN formulate a strong opinion, and it's valid, are people I respect.

Sure, it's fine to say stuff, as long as you're willing to take in new information.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is: be open-minded, if you don't really know what you're talking about. You can't learn anything if you form a premature opinion on something, and won't accept any other information that contradicts your opinion.

That's just stupid.

But that's just my opinion.

'Cause no one really cares, they're just pretending.

I bought textbooks online yesterday.
I bought one in the bookstore today.
I am set for next semester.
I am stoked.

Christmas break: piano, gym, library, job, get ahead on homework.

It'll be perfect.



I've realised that my life operates on Le Chatlier's principle. It's so very "I told you so", it makes me laugh. Ironically. Cynically. But I laugh nonetheless.