To Chloe, from Life: One humongous kick in the face (It's a good thing)

Kat, I just finished Elder Stiner's emails. And I see exactly what you mean. Wow.

His unselfishness, his positive attitude (even with all that!), made me feel like such a spoiled, rotten, whiney butt, and it also made me want to be better. Why waste time complaining about things when you can change them? Life is too short. Read your scriptures, say your prayers, tell your family you love them. Don't listen to bad music or watch bad shows. Don't waste time. It's so simple...I just love the gospel, and how true it is, and how it makes everything clear. I'm so thankful to Heavenly Father for being so patient with me, especially when I know better. ESPECIALLY when I know better. And I know that I know better. Everything I complain about is so trivial. And I have the Gospel, for muffin's sake! I have no room to complain, no room at all. I know my purpose, I know where I'm going. I have the scriptures. I have the opportunity to go to dang BYU-I! I have so many talents. I have a great family. I'm not dirt-poor. I have absolutely NOTHING to complain about. So many blessings, and I don't recognise them often enough. But that's going to change.

Nothing to say, except that life is awesome (stay positive!)

Dendrite

K.545, please: It's what you do to me.

15 days. 15 days. 15 days. 15 days. 15 days.

Today as I was playing the keyboard, I just thought, "Hey. This is me. I'm doing this. Holy crap. I'm doing this. This is awesome!!!!" And I could feel my hands and my fingers, and it was just SO cool!!! It's my hands. It's just...awesome.

I discovered the secret for not-crispy cookies: make them bigger.

Whenever I make cookies, I make them too small. Today I used about 1/4 cup of dough, and they came out awesomely. 

Made this recipe:

http://www.allrecipes.com/Recipe/Best-Chocolate-Chip-Cookies/Detail.aspx

But I added 3 different kinds of chips: semisweet, milk, and white. I added loads more than 2 cups, though. They're so deliciousness. 

Last night I made fettuccine with 2 jars of bland sauce (I added salt, pepper, nutmeg to the sauce...a bit too much nutmeg...and it still wasn't good. Poo on jarred sauce, yes for homemade.) and broccoli and chicken. 

I really suck at cooking meat.

Tonight I made chicken + onion + bell pepper + lime + pepper + salt + chili powder = fajitas.

There's a lot of leftovers of both.

I'm going to miss having endless resources of ingredients. I'm going back to frugal eating in college (both to save money and to get skinny again).

I love piano.

It rained Saturday night, then it turned to snow, but it's melted now. And I decided that I like snow as long as it happens once or twice a month, and only if it's half a foot, and only if it melts within two days. 

15 days. Two weeks, 1 day. Looooovvvvvveeeeeeeeee.

I wish fifty million people read my blog so that I got fifty million comments.

That would make me happy.

I drew in chalk on the sidewalk, and it's going to look awesome when I've finished.

The song Hey There Delilah: Beautiful. You can't overplay that song. I don't know if it's the guy's voice, or the editing, or the words, or the music, or all four, but that song is probably the most romantic song I know, because he actually sings love. Too bad he's not pretty.

And those are my words.

General Conference is in ONE WEEK! Ying!

16 days.

Let's go let's go.

I need to finish packing.

I need to get out of this idiot state.

I fasted for real today. This might be just the second time in my life that I've actually fasted 24 hours. Usually I just do the "don't eat until after church" fast. 

Yesterday was long and my butt died. 

I set the alarm to 6:30 am, because there's something very satisfying about pressing the sleep button. So I pressed the sleep button until 7am. And then I slept in 'til 7:45, because my clock is 30 minutes ahead. (It's another one of those "very satisfying" things.) 

I threw some clothes on, and got ready, then went upstairs to see why no one else was awake. 

Dad said that they had decided to leave an hour later (we were supposed to leave at 8). Thanks for telling me, Dad.

I was already awake, so I did some more getting ready, then by time I was done people were up. I went and played the piano, then we left. 

It takes around 3 hours to drive to Detroit (it's either Detroit or Chicago where we have to go for the temple...) so we listened to hymns from my iPod and I sat and thought. Thaden was crabby for the last hour. 

We go there, and Mum and Dad discovered that all sessions were "by appointment". Hey-o. 

But they got in on standby.

So I walked Thaden around in the stroller for around 10 minutes, then he fell asleep and I read scriptures. Then it was kind of cold so I went to the car and tried to put him in. He woke up (claro que si). So for the remaining hour and a half, I chilled in the car, bored, while he clambered all over the place. 

Then Dad came out at 4:18, and changed Thaden. Then I went inside to see Mum. 

The Detroit temple is tiny, and right next to a highway (like, RIGHT next to a highway). It doesn't have the same feel as the Nauvoo or Rexburg temples-- until you go inside. I was wondering why it felt different, whether it was just me, but then I went inside those doors and it was like, "HEY". It whooshed me. It was SO COOL. And that was just to go into the waiting room, where you don't need a recommend (I think). Man, I really love the temple, and I'm kicking myself for not going more often last semester. A girl from my ward who's also going to BYU-I and who is also on summer/fall went once every week. I'm going to do that with her this semester. I just never knew when it was open, and I didn't want to go there and like, desecrate the temple or something because I wasn't supposed to go in for some reason. And I'm afraid of doing things alone. Little Miss Wuss, Little Miss No-Confidence. Little Miss Shy. (Side note- I have absolutely no social skills. For some reason, when I got to BYU-I, I was less shy, but now that I'm out in the real world, I keep my eyes downcast, I stay away from social situations, and I'm so so so awkward around people, even people I know well. I'm awkward if I see Piano Teacher at church. Here's another reason why I'm stupid: if I see someone I know, I keep my head down and pass them without saying "hi" unless they notice me and say "hi" first-- unless it's someone I know well or with whom I am best friends. Like you, Kat, for example. I wouldn't do that to you. I am so stupid. I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm done with college and have to leave that awesome "Spirit of Ricks". Probably die.)

Where was I? Oh, temple. 

So it was like that one travelling youth conference where we went on a tour of the Church of Christ temple with the big spirally thingie to our church's Visitor's Center. The C of C's temple was pretty and all, but it was cold, empty. Then we went to our Visitor's Center, and the difference was phenomenal-- it was just a visitor's center, not even a church and definitely not a temple, and you could feel the spirit there. For me, that was the worst youth conference in the history of youth conferences, but I'll never forget that experience.

But I side-tracked again.

It was just like, once I opened the doors, I was like, "OH okay, so this is where the spirit is."

It's nice outside, don't get me wrong. It's still peaceful, and it kind of has the feel of a church building. I don't know if it's the highway right next to it and the cars rushing by at 50 mph that makes it feel different, or if it's something else, (or maybe it's just me- I hope not) but it doesn't feel the same on the outside as the Rexburg and Nauvoo temples. 

So I went in to see Mum. Then the youth from our ward arrived (they were doing baptisms for the dead and Mum and Dad were helping, and I had to watch Thaden for another two hours) and I took Thaden to the car. I drove around for about 25 minutes, and looked at some wicked awesome for-real rich-person houses (it made me so jealous- the houses were HUMONGOUS and they had some NIICEEE cars. I would have lOVEd to take photos of everything, but I probably would have gotten stoned for being poor). It's this awesome neighbourhood with a school called Cranbrook or something and it's for snobby rich people (I call them snobby because I'm jealous- I wish I were rich. Oh, how I wish I were rich. But only when I'm in rich-people areas, like neighbourhoods like these or like malls or like suburbia).

During the drive, Pooless fell asleep, and I drove back and chilled on my computer. Then an unbaptised girl who goes on the temple trips anyways and who waits in the waiting room for the whole two hours came out and chilled with me in the car. Pooless woke up after an hour and a half and cried for 15 minutes. Yes, I am horrible. But I did try to get him to stop crying. I'm just not good with kids. (Why'd they put me in primary?) 

After a while I gave him some grapes and he was cool. 

Then everyone came out and took a group photo and we left.

The three hour drive home was horrid. I was tired, impatient, bored, and in a bad mood (none of your business). So I just gave in and listened to not-as-happy music on the way home (Collide, anyone? It's a flashback to my idiot 9th grade year- "idiot" is a HUGE HUGE understatement. If I could go back and kill myself, I would.)

But that's just my stupidity.

Stupid.

Anywho, anywhere, anyhow and anyways, today was good. I was going to get up early and play piano, but I was too tired, so I just played it after choir practise (we're singing this absolutely beautiful song called "This is the Christ". I'm singing alto-- yee!!). While still fasting. So it wasn't as good as it could have been, but I still enjoyed it. Then I went home and that part's boring, so I'm done.

16 days. 16 days. 16 days. It's too long.

I need to learn chords.

I have chordae tendinae. 

Axon Dendrite Lammi, over and out.

Back to the best place on earth (at this point in my life).

18 days!

All of a sudden, I was just filled with an intense desire to be back, back home.

This state is cursed; it does things to me. I felt miserable today. 

(of course, that may just be because I don't take my meds regularly...don't tell mum. it's such a pain, you know?)

And I've tried, I really have. But I don't like Aorta (to put it mildly). I need to be away from her, because she makes me dislike myself even more (putting it mildly again). We're complete opposites, and no matter how benign our actions, whatever one of us does usually annoys the other. Maybe she's like cheese, and even though she'll always smell disgusting, she'll get better with age. At least, I pray that she does. 

(otherwise i'll never be able to be around her. everything about her- her interests, her tastes, her actions, her personality- bother me. she embodies nearly everything i hate.)

I packed today. I have a lot of clothes I want to bring. And I need more jeans. Mum shrunk one of my pairs.

(it was the only pair i didn't feel humongous in because it was a loose pair. oh well, more incentive to lose weight when i get back. i've gotten so fat; it's disgusting. this state is cursed.)

I want to become better at photography. I will become better at photography. For some reason, I didn't take many photos my first semester. For some other reason, I rediscovered photography when I came back. So now I'm going to develop (ha ha) that talent.

The youth have a temple trip tomorrow...or today, rather. Aorta and Smells are riding with the youth, Schink has a cub scout thing so he's staying behind, and me and Mum and Dad and Pooless are driving the 3 hours to Chicago so that I can babysit Pooless while Mum and Dad do a session and then help with the youth. It's gonna be a long day (especially because I'm an idiot and am staying up late). 

Piano Teacher tried to explain time signatures to me and I still don't really understand them. I do understand the whole 4-beats-per-measure-quarter-note-gets-one-beat thing, and all that, but why use different ones? She said it was to change the feel of it, like 3|4 is like ONE-two-three ONE-two-three (like a waltz) and stuff like that. But I still don't really understand it. And what if it's a really wacko one like the 9|8 in the second half of "The Day Dawn Is Breaking"? (I think it's 9|8, anyways.)

Right, well, I made this awesome cake today:

http://www.allrecipes.com/Recipe/Too-Much-Chocolate-Cake/Detail.aspx?prop31=1

It's AWESOME. Seriously. No, seriously. NO, SERIOUSLY. 

No, seriously.

I need to be back now. Or I'll die. NOW.

Cor, I need patience. 

No, seriously.

I wish I could cook all day, or bake, or something. Maybe I should have lots of kids so that I'll be able to make food all the time. Maybe I should work in a bakery...naw. I'd mess everything up somehow.

What is it with all the crappy imitation-japanese art on deviantART? It really bothers me. But it is a community for everyone. (but it's not facebook, so one should not just post pictures of one's "new haircut" just to get attention...like i said, that's what facebook is for. stupids.)

Mum's still awake; it's 1:08 am. I'm gonna get off and go downstairs before she discovers me. I don't feel like sleeping, but I'm so dead. I hate sleeping. I want to play piano. Goodnight.

Drawing with chalk on the sidewalk

20 days.

I'm feeling artistic, for some reason. But right now I'm cooking dinner and cleaning the kitchen (because none of the stupid siblings clean up after themselves; dishes not only unwashed, but not even in the sink-all over the house (they're not supposed to be eating outside of the kitchen); pants complete with underwear on the floor; crumbs, half-eaten food; not to mention the rest of the house. Lazy curs. Mum's gonna die when I go back to college because Dad's at work all day and she's the only one who cleans up (aside from me) and the whole house is going to be in shambles.)

I'm trying out a new style, like the way this girl looks:

http://meluseena.deviantart.com/art/Alice-and-the-Caterpillar-117063531

It's pretty cool so far, but it looks a bit artificial because I have yet to adapt it to my style. But that shall come with practise. Hey-o!

I need to make a budget for coleggio if I'm going to stay during winter. 

I'm ready ready ready.

K.545-my project

I'm improving, and I'm so happy, and I'm so happy that I can tell I'm improving. I need to get confidence, though, because I can't play in front of people. Every time I play around people, I feel like I'm showing off if I play well, and that is so idiotic, and I know it's so illogical. But my brain is broken, and my head is backwards. 

I drew something on the sidewalk in chalk, and it looks awesome. I took photos of it from a ladder. 

There's something sticky on my shoe.

Piano Teacher praised my sight-reading skills again. Thank you. It makes me so happy to have at least one person express admiration (or whatever it is) of me. Every time you say "good job" or are impressed by what I do, it makes me feel so warm inside. Thank you for giving me free lessons. Thank you for your praise and encouragement and information. Thank you for providing me with music. Thank you for being so good at piano and showing me what I could be some day. Thank you for being completely honest all the time. I'm glad to have met you.

Pork chops. It's 8:13. Audiouse (That's fancy for "Adios")

SWEET CORN TOMALITO, BATMAN!!

22 days. 22 days.

3 Sundays.

Come on.

I need to pack.

<3

I'm making this:

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Sweet-Corn-Tomalito/Detail.aspx

And this:

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Sweet-Corn-Cake/Detail.aspx

On the second one, I added 1/2 cup sugar. SUgaR.

Make them, they're awesome. If you've ever been to Chevy's, you'll know these as the pile of yellow mush that they used to put a red cactus cracker in (they don't do the cactus cracker anymore). Speaking of Chevy's, I LOVE their tortillas and their chips and their salsa and their tomalito. Me 'n Dad 'n Mum went there while we were in Chicago waiting to go to the airport. The food ain't that good, but man, you can't beat those other four things. But I can make an awesome homemade salsa also, so I guess I can beat that. Ha.

And now I'm going to work on my Book of Drawings Past and Present. It's a huge project, and it's taken a LONG time. There's still so much more I need to do...but once it's done (I hope it's done before I leave) it'll be AWESOME. And hilarious and embarrassing and interesting. I'm excited. I'll be adding to it, too, at the end of each school year, or at the end of each note book. Hey-o!

The end. BWV 1042 is the now.

(I've decided that Baroque isn't one of my favourites)

I'm just scared of what you think You make me nervous so I really can't eat

23 days, 23 days.

Mum and Dad's anniversary is tomorrow, so from 1-4 I cleaned Mum's car as her requested present. I plugged in my iPod and listened to my mix of classical/hymns/80's/other. Dad was out there for a lot of the time, helping me. Thaden was out there too.

Dad's post-call days, when he is home all day, those are the best days. Everything seems better. And no matter how much I may say or think I hate my family, I know that I really do love them.

I made molasses dough, white-chocolate almond dough, and three different types of chocolate-chip cookie dough. I've cooked all the molasses, and all of one kind of chocolate chip. I'm cooking another kind of chocolate-chip right now. I've got three sheets and I'm cycling them between the oven, on top of the stove to cool, and the freezer to cool the sheets themselves. It's funtimes.

I was in a not very good mood, then I talked to Emmz and some of that good ole' BYU-I spirit came through and now I'm happy. 23 days. Oh man.

I found out from her that I'm rooming with two of my old roomies from last semester. I hope it's good. I like one of them, and I would like the other if I was sure that she liked me. Emmz and the other roomie have assured me that she does, but I'm still not sure. I'm paranoid. 

OHOHOHOHO

Yes. Now it's time for me to be bored as I impatiently wait for the cookies to cook so I can go outside (as it steadily gets darker) and draw with chalk. CHALK!

RRRRRRRRRRRREEEeXXXBBUUuRRRrrgGGGGG. COR, it's SO CLOSE!!!

Wearing nothing but a bra and sweatpants around the house as you clean does not make you cool.

3 more sundays. 23 more days. Come on, come on, come on! I want to get out of this hole!

We're not living dead At least not quite yet Please I'll be gentle it's just a rental Your voice is void

I almost died tonight. My ears are still bleeding. Purge me purge me of those disgusting sounds. Give me Chopin. 

But besides that. I don't mind putting up with stuff as long as the people aren't spoiled brats. I can't deal with spoiled brats. If my children are spoiled, they'll have their esophagus ripped from their body, then boiled; and their stomach will be pierced with a lance; and then I'll chop their heads in half with a butcher knife. And then I'll move to Mexico.

But besides THAT. I played piano from 5:30-10, straight. I looked at the clock once after I started playing, and it said 6pm, and then later I looked again and it said 9c

Oh, and there was this RS activity this morning in which I baked a MUFFIN AMAZING dish:

http://www.bbonline.com/recipe/buttonwood_nh_recipe1.html

OH MY HOLY MUFFIN. MAKE IT. MAKE IT NOW. Then cut out a piece and before even tasting it, give the entire pan of the stuff away. Then you can eat that piece that you took. HOLY MUFFIN. 

I modified it somewhat, of course. But it'd be AMAZING as it is. I just did stuff to increase the topping: at first, I made it how it said to make it, but I had half a bag of pecans  left, so I just added a Tbsp of butter (all we had left) and then the rest of the cream I had, and a buttload of brown sugar, and some more corn syrup. I cooked it on med-low heat, and inadvertently made caramel. Cool, eh?

The end result tasted like custard/flan, so if you don't like that, then don't make this.

Or make it, give it away, and wait for the inevitable marriage proposal.

TWENTY-FOUR DAYS TOMORROW!!!! And after tomorrow's over, I only have THREE MORE SUNDAYS!!!! I want to go HOME!!!! (isn't it ironic how I wanted to leave college so badly, and now I just want to get the heck out of this cursed state and back to home? Grass is greener....in Rexburg. When it's not snowing. But even then the grass is green, because it's mormon grass, and mormon grass can't be anything but green. Hey-o!)

Twenty-four days....LOOOVEEEEE

I can't wait to spend my days at the Snow. I can't wait to learn. I can't wait to see all my friends again. I can't wait to have my independence. I can't wait to buy my own stuff. I can't wait to be free................................free!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I were past the note-reading so I could work on the dynamics. I know I've improved, and I can still see myself improving, but I'm so impatient...I just want to be good NOW.

I practised scales today for 30 minutes. I don't normally practise scales precisely because  it takes so long. I didn't get through all of them. But the ones that I did do, I did a lot of times. And they're 2 octaves. Blah. But I don't see why everyone hates them so much (because apparently everyone does); they're not that bad- they're actually kind of fun, and they sound cool. And they're dead useful. I can tell that they've helped me. It's so cool, 'cuz sometimes my hands do the fingerings on their own. I love piano so much, and I love being able to tell that I'm getting better, and I'm SO SO SO thankful to Heavenly Father for helping me learn, and for giving me patience and perseverance. I really hope that some day I'm good enough to play hymns or the children's songs so that I can give back to Him, even if it is a miniscule amount. Geez...I could talk about piano for hours.

Have you ever noticed how everyone seems more agitated on Saturday night? It's because that Sunday awesomeness is nearly worn out and you need a refill.

Don't bring someone to a church activity unless you are going to be a good example. Otherwise, you're stupid. 'Nuff said.

Now it's 12 am, and I need to shower and choose my clothes and go buy some milk for mum who is writing a talk and has to do her nails and choose her clothes and do her lesson and stuff. GAH! 

Life, here I come!

(I'm cold)

Hor He Hor Hor (Lammis rule)

IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING!!!!

HOLY YES!!!!

I've decided that not sleeping has the same effects as drugs, to a milder degree (I've never used drugs...just going off of common knowledge). 

And also as with drug use, not sleeping is addictive: the less sleep you get, the less you want to sleep; or, the later you stay up, and the earlier you get up, the less sleep you want.

It's this way for me, at least. Back sometime in December or January I went to bed around 9:30-10pm, got up at 7 or 8am. I was tired at the right time, and my days were a notch better, and I actually didn't mind sleep. 

Now that I've been staying up late, I don't want to go to bed early. I still love the mornings, so I still get up early. And my view has gone back to "why waste time sleeping". I could get SO much more done if I didn't need sleep. I've said all this before. My point: not sleeping is bad. Hence section 89.

I was reading in 2 Nephi this morning, and chapter 11 made me SO stoked for the millennium. I HOPE I can be alive during that time. I hope I'm righteous enough. I hope I'm righteous enough to become exalted and create worlds. We're told that it's a "select few", but everything is relative. But in my mind, that means that the prophets, their wives, and their close family will get to be exalted, along with other great leaders and those who had lots of accomplishments during their life. Which is not me. (Side note: I'm not even sure how I got in to BYU-I: My grades aren't that good [at the time of my applying, I had a 2.8 GPA-SUCKY], I never did any extracurricular stuff- no clubs, no sports, no "NHS". I am, basically, a loser. The only thing I had going for me was my ACT, and even that wasn't that good. I'm counting my blessings for sure.) 

Anyways, the millennium. Just reading the chapter heading- Stem of Jesse (Christ) shall judge in righteousness—The knowledge of God shall cover the earth in the Millennium—The Lord shall raise an ensign and gather Israel- doesn't that sound AWESOME! Especially the part about "The knowledge of God shall cover the earth". During FHE, Mum said that it was the actual physical act of eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil that changed Adam and Eve to mortals. (She also said that it said that in "Jesus the Christ"- I seriously have to read that book). This was just so interesting- so interesting! After FHE I asked Mum if she knew anything else about that (she didn't) and then I said that I wanted to learn the science behind that (since God has to follow the natural laws) (Side note- you know how our knowledge is only partial? I wonder what the complete laws of physics are like- there has to be something in there about the priesthood, and resurrection, and being omniscient, and all that. I can't WAIT to learn about all that!!). I can't wait to have the complete truth, to learn about everything about the universe. And thinking like this makes me want to try harder, to be better. I so badly want to learn everything (the main reason why I'm so excited to get back to Burgland-I want to LEARN). 

We have this commentary thing for Isaiah; it's called "Isaiah Speaks to Modern Times". It has commentary on each verse. Isaiah 11:9 (2 Nephi 21:9) says: 

"They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea."

The commentary for this verse says:

"It is amazing to contemplate, but Isaiah assures us that in those days there will be no crime, no war, no cheating, stealing, robbing, or ravishing. In fact, the Lord says people and animals 'shall not hurt or destroy in all my holy mountain'. 

"The modern prophet of the restoration, Joseph Smith, had the following comments on verses 6 to 9:

 'Men must become harmless before the brute creation, and when men lose their vicious dispositions and cease to destroy the animal race, the lion and the lamb can dwell together, and the sucking child can play with the serpent in safety'. (Smith, Teachings, p. 71.)

"On another occasion he said:

'Friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of "Mormonism"; [it is designed] to revolutionize and civilize the world, and cause wars and contentions to cease and men to become friends and brothers. Even the wolf and the lamb shall dwell together; the leopard shall lie down with the kid, the calf, the young lion and the fatling; and a little child shall lead them; the bear and the cow shall lie down together, and the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall play on the cockatrice's den; and they shall not hurt or destroy in all my holy mountains; saith the Lord of hosts.' (Smith, Teachings, p. 316.)

"It is interesting that there will be no atheists or agnostics during the Millennium. Isaiah says that the whole earth will be filled with a knowledge of the Lord, even as the waters cover the sea. The unveiling of the spirit world so that all mankind can see the Lord at once is referred to in a modern revelation as follows: 'And there shall be silence in heaven for the space of half an hour; and immediately after shall the curtain of heaven be unfolded, as a scroll is unfolded after it is rolled up, and THE FACE OF THE LORD SHALL BE UNVEILED. ...EVERY KNEE SHALL BOW, AND EVERY TOUNGE SHALL CONFESS.' (D&C 88:95, 104)

"No wonder there will be neither atheists nor agnostics! Jeremiah said: 'And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them' (Jeremiah 31:34).

"The Millennium will be almost like heaven on earth. As Isaiah had said earlier, 'they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more' (Isaiah 2:4).

"The Lord will once again restore the pure language of Adam (Zephaniah 3:9). The history of the world will be revealed (D&C 88:108-10). The Lord will reveal how the world was created (D&C 101:33-34). The righteous will not die and be buried in graves, but will be changed in the twinkling of an eye (D&C 101:29-31). Science and astronomy will be taught by revelation (D&C 121:28-31). The whole human family will bow in humble recognition of the divinity and governing power of Jesus Christ (Isaiah 45:23; Romans 14:11; Philippians 2:10-11)."

Doesn't that sound AWESOME?!?!??!?! Peace, knowledge, righteousness. It WILL be heaven on earth. Oh my gosh. 

Piano lessons were rescheduled from yesterday to today. I wonder what music I'll get now? I was thinking about it, and decided that I like piano lessons because I get to show off and play for someone who cares, and because I get new music. No one at home even seems to care, let alone stops to listen, or act impressed. I am human, and I thrive off compliments, adoration, and attention, no matter what I say or seem like. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen, so I have to resort to my passive-aggressive attention-seeking habits (don't get me wrong, that's not the only reason why I dress/act/look like I do, just one of many). But that doesn't work as often as I think it would. So whatever. I know that Heavenly Father is proud of me when I do the right thing, and if I'm being honest with myself, I know it's the only thing that matters, and it's the best feeling in the world to know that Heavenly Father is proud of you.

I can tell that I've improved with piano; like, I can see myself getting better. It is so wicked cool. 

Earlier today I was wondering what people's first impressions of me are. I wonder if I stand out at all, or if I'm only different once you get to know me. I wonder if random people have ever thought I'm cute, or that I would make a good friend. I wonder if anyone has ever thought I was fake or annoying, without meeting me. I wonder what stands out about me the most. I wonder if people think of me as "individualistic", "unique", "different" (in a good way). I wonder if people have ever been too shy to talk to me (that would be hilarious, and ironic, considering how shy I am). I wonder what people think of me once they've gotten to know me. I wonder if I have any true friends. I wonder if people like me. I wonder if I'll ever like myself. I wonder if I'm really how people say I am, or if they're just saying that out of pity. I wonder who would miss me if I died. I wonder if people would even notice if I were gone.

I've also noticed that my english class actually did help me. I found myself planning out the rant on my last post as if I were writing a paper. They really know how to ingrain that stuff in your brain. My teacher taught us about fallacies; I'm seeing them everywhere now: in advertisements, in books, in the scriptures. It's so weird, and so cool. In hindsight, I really liked that class. That teacher was awesome. I wish I wasn't so shy; then I could talk in classes.

Oh BYU-I, only four Sundays. I WANT.

I refuse to sleep. I feel like a zombie. But I hate sleeping.

It's not so bad, it's not so bad

I got an awesome shirt. No, like, an AWESOME shirt. No, you still don't get it. It's an AWESOME SHIRT!!!

And I learned that only tall, skinny people look good in straight-leg jeans. I wish I were tall and skinny. Then I'd be perfect. I would love myself completely. But that's beside the point (there was no point).

Mini-rant now:

I don’t like when people like things just because they’re popular. Likewise, I don’t like when people hate things just because they’re popular, or because someone that they hate likes it. You should like the things you like because it’s good, or just because you like it, not because the magazines tell you that you should like it, or because the popular girl/guy at school likes it. You should like it regardless of whether people make fun of you for it. If you like it, you like it. It doesn’t matter whether they do or not. It’s all about different tastes. And you shouldn’t hate something because it’s popular and it’s uncool to be popular. First, if you’re liking it because you actually like it, then it’s not “giving in” to popularity. You’re not trying to be something you’re not. If you’re hating it because it’s popular, then you are trying to be something you’re not. You gotta give something a chance before you hate it or like it. Don’t write something off because it’s a certain brand, or a certain genre, or by a certain author, or because so-and-so likes it or doesn’t like it. Example: Jonas Brothers. There are millions of preteens swooning over the curly-haired dorks, but that doesn’t mean you should like them. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t like them. And just because they are curly-haired dorks doesn’t mean their music isn’t good. I’m not saying that I like them, but I did hear one of their songs, and to my surprise, I liked it. I’ve been guilty in the past of hating things because they’re popular (blah blah refuse to wear name brands blah blah that makes me cool blah blah blah), and liking things because they’re popular (N*SYNC, baby!). But it’s stupid. It’s just a form of judgment. Like something because you like it. Hate something because you hate it. It’s that simple.

And just for the record (that doesn't exist): I hate Taylor Swift. They lyrics are cute on first listen, but by the third time you hear it, it's just stupid. And the music is annoying to DEATH, and it has hints of country in it. She reminds me of Hannah Montana, only older. They're both so annoying and so the same.

Another thing: I hate rap. I HATE rap. I HATE RAP. This is another thing you don't understand. I can't listen to it. I really can't. My ears start bleeding, my eyes fall out, my brain implodes, my lungs collapse, my bowls move, my appendix ruptures, my stomach digests itself, my legs and arms shrivel up, and a piercing scream escapes from my lips. I can't listen to it. I seriously get rabid and start biting with words everything and everyone in range. That is not good music. 

I don't like R&B or hip-hop, either. Except for a SELECT one or two songs.

I felt kinda pretty last night and pretty today. I wore an awesome outfit. We went to Target and I envied stuff and people with money. It sucks when you can't even afford to shop at the muffin thrift store.

All I can think about is BYU-I. I SO BADLY want to go back and see my friends and live on my own and learn. AND LEARN!! I want to LEARN!!! I love college, and I'm so determined to try harder this time. I know I can do better; I'm just a lazy-nose. I hope I get an on-campus job. I hope I practise piano a lot. I hope I do my homework to the best of my abilities. I hope I can be a good friend. I hope people invite me to do things. I hope I have enough time to do things. I hope I can stay there for winter (it's my goal to never come back to Michigan: I want to stay there until the fam moves again). I hope I get that chem class. I am SO stoked for life right now. I can't wait. 3 Sundays left. Oh man.

And I cooked today. Two kuchen, one pan.

Peace.

My Week Thus Far: Prepare to be AMAZED ASTOUNDED ASTONISHED and ATROPHIED!!

Sunday evening, Dad decided to roast hotdogs with our fire pit. He and Smells and Schink did that, and Pooless too. Aorta went out there, and shortly after I went out to see what was up. It was cold, so I went back inside and fetched a blanket and a coat. And my camera. Later, Mum came out and we all eventually ended up around the fire pit, and talked. It was....happy. We talked until it was dark and cold. Life should be like that, just sitting around a fire, talking about the nothings that meant everything.

On Sunday I stayed up to register (at 2). Did that. My classes are as follows:

1. Gen Chem (7:45-8:45 MWF, lab 3:15-5:15 T): I don't actually have this class, but I'm going to try to sit in on it.

2. College Algebra (12:45-1:45 MWF)

3. BoM 2nd semester (2-3 MW)

4. Private piano lessons (4:30-5:30 Th)
5. Music Theory: An online class

On Monday Pooless woke me up (I slept on the couch. I hate my room. One teeny window. It's so suffocating down there. When I get a house, it's going to have a LOT of windows). All I can remember of Monday is that I went outside and cleaned up some leaves. Dad was on call on Monday.

On Tuesday, Dad had his day off from being on call, and it was a good day. We were outside for nearly the entire day, and he worked on the fence, and I got to use his round saw spinny-blade thing to cut up wood, and Mum was out there, and Pooless. Then Smells and Schink came home, and Schink built a box with Mum for cub scouts. I took pictures. The lighting was incredible, the weather was incredible. The sky was incredible. It was a happy day. Later, all of us (including Aorta, minus Smells) went to Wall-Fart and Lowe's. That was fun too. The sunset was beautiful, and it reminded me of easter. I smell spring.

I slept on the couch again last night and was woken up by Schink and Smells to ask for a ride. I had been up later than I should have been reading this: http://thepioneerwoman.com/category/black_heelstractor_wheels/the_night_i_met_marlboro_man

It is a story that's *GASP* better than the Twilight series. GO READ IT. 

And I'm not kidding. She is a GOOD writer, and this story is so interesting. I want me a Marlboro Man.

But anyways, the ride: they had (once again) not gotten up when woken up, so they missed the bus. I was snappy and dead, and drove like a zombie, but by time I got home, I was awake-ish. Then I played piano, and did other stuff. Then Mum came downstairs and asked me to watch Pooless because she needed to take Aorta to the doctor (her knee's messed up from running- running is stupid and pointless and I hate it and I have NO idea how people can find it fun. I would rather room with CaliGirl again or go on a date with Craigless than run). So I did, and did dishes and swept and cleaned the floor with a sponge (I'm tellin' ya, it's fun-try it sometime. So much easier than mopping).

I didn't sweep with the sponge, I swept with a broom. Stupid english language.

And then I did other stuff that I don't remember, and it was kinda boring. Oh, I cleaned up my stuff a bit more. 

I'm wearing a fur coat inside-out right now, and the fur's on the inside. It's nice.

Sunday

Mum laughing, Dad in the 'hood, Pooless chillin'

Schink being Schink. Too manly for a coat, I suppose

Smells, warming her rear by the fire

Dad and Pooless again

Smells threw leaves on the fire

Tuesday

Mum's building the box

Dad's being manly and building a gate for the fence that he built

Building the box with Schink

I got some awesome pictures of Pooless. My camera was being really good

The sky was beautiful

My feet were muddy (yay! I miss summer feet)

Cutting wood for the box (I think that's a router?)

Big man, little man

Waiting for Registration

Yesss....sign-up at 2am....I've got my classes all planned.....I hope I get the ones I want. In a couple of them there are only one or two seats open. It's a race! 

....wooo.

Spicy Chicken bouillon cubes are good when in cube form, but not good in broth form, especially when you're having it plain as soup. Burns the throat, see.

I'm so stoked. I see April. Four weeks.

I'm so stoked.

Ganaching your Teeth and Other Pass-Times

I'm planning my classes. Yee-haw!!

Today's been sweetness so far. Registering, then a bike-ride with Aorta and Dad and Schink. Through the woods (and some soft dirt). It was fun, and hard, and fun. I can't believe it's 4:27.

Made chocolate-chip cookies ayer. The secret to soft cookies: less butter, more flour.

Made split-pea soup again today. Awesomely delicious.

Four weeks and some days. Happy! I can't wait to be doing something again.

I changed my minor. It feels right. And it's never until after I've made a decision and gone down that path that it feels right. I've probably already said that. But who actually pays attention anyways? :P

PIANO

Speaking of which (or rather, typing of which), Piano Teacher is having me play a hymn for the YW for their opening exercises, just so I can start getting practise with playing in front of people. I can play a song okay, but if people start singing, or if people are listening or watching, I get really really REALLY self-conscious and play horribly, even if I've played the song well before. And for some reason, I feel like I'm showing off. 

I hope I get the classes I want/need. 

And I fear I'll die this semester. Or at least have no social life. But that's okay, because I have piano.

If all goes well, my classes will be thusly:

Intro to Bio I

Gen Chem

College Algebra

Religion 122

Basic Music Theory

And then some piano class, although I have no clue which one to sign up for, and I can't get ahold of the dude that I'm supposed to talk to about it. I'll probably end up in one that's too easy, but one that I'll seem like I should be in, since I play so crappily in front of people.

O Confidence, Confidence, wherefore art thou, Confidence?

Deny not thy Chloe and refuse not to aid

Or, if thou wilt, be but sworn my stranger,

And I'll forever be "the quiet one".

DIet sODa is the beSt.

And now it is expedient in me that I go practise a hymn like mad. 

Fine

Trousers

A penny for my thoughts? Okay. But I think they may be worth rather more than that.

Yesterday mum decided to take a different route home, and we came upon a part of town that we'd never seen before. It was along the lake, and it was awesome. It reminded me of San Francisco, of Monterey Bay, of fishing, of the ocean. But there was no salt in the air (which made me a bit sad; it's not the ocean without the salt). But the mist, the cold, the water, the grey; I love it, and I've realised that I will live on the coast. But not somewhere where it snows. 

The houses there were awesome too. This place was an entirely different world compared to what I've been seeing. It made me wish that we lived there. It made me wish I were back in California, fishing on the pier with dad, catching crabs (it was so fun) and catching fish that were too small, but we were proud of them nonetheless. Walking in the sand, making footprints that last as long as the next wave. Visiting the tide pools, peering into the few inches that make up a universe. Hearing the incessant (but necessary) noise of the seagulls. Finding seashells. Sand in your swimsuit. Freezing in the water, but it is fun. Body surfing on the waves. Making sand castles of a quality that can't be obtained with any lake sand. Visiting all the shops. Having clam chowder in sourdough bread bowls. Looking across the water into a grey infinity.

I miss the ocean. My dad's family is having a reunion in August, and I'm going, and so is my family, so maybe (maybe) I can persuade my family to go to the ocean. Although it's two hours or so away. But oh, how great that would be!

The counter still smells like onion and I just made some AWESOME cookies. Wanna hear the story?

There's this recipe for chocolate-covered chow-mein noodles that looked cool, but instead of using chocolate-chips, I made the recipe for fudgies, and used the noodles instead of oatmeal. It tasted weird. So the noodle-fudgies have been sitting in a covered bowl in the cabinet for a few days, and I got it out and tasted it again yesterday. Yup, still weird-and now the noodles have gone soft. But it did taste nutty-hmm....peanuts! I'll use it in a peanut/peanut-butter recipe. And what better recipe exists for peanut-butter than peanut-butter cookies! So I processed the noodle-fudgies and some chunks were left in there (which was okay) and used this  powder stuff instead of peanut-butter in a peanut-butter cookie recipe. But I used, like, 2 1/2 cups of the noodle-fudgie powder whereas the recipe called for 1 cup of peanut-butter. So I just added a bit of oil, and less flour. And it worked. Not only are these peanut-butter cookies, they're chocolate peanut-butter cookies....AND I didn't waste the noodle-fudgies! (I hate wasting as much as I hate things sitting in the pantry) 

And that's that. I turned a gross thing into an awesome thing. 

The weather's deciding to be stupid and has gone down to the 20s and is flaking and has 45 mph wind after its streak of perfect grey mist rain 35-45 degree weather. But it's going up. But then I'll go back to Berg and it'll be cold. I'd rather be there than here, though.

BERG

DId I say already that I'm switching my minor? I don't remember.

Well, I'm switching my minor. From chemistry to music. PIANO!

It's not like I'm going to be able to get a job anyways, since I have to be a mother.

Which, supposedly, is a good thing.

Alright. I need to finish these galletas, then go practise piano, because I have definitely NOT been practising as much as I should, especially with how much music Music Teacher has given me and with how not-easy it is. Cor.

ADIOS, my nobodies!

Keratin and Kerosene

During one of my thinking sessions today (this particular one happened while I was on the loo),I realised that of course I'm not going to be super-splendifically-mega-awesome-super-cool-mega piano player yet; I've only been playing for five-or-so-months. And it wasn't even until December that I knew what a quarter-note and such were. So I concluded that considering everything, I'm doing okay. And I told my mum so, because it was a good thought. 

Sometimes words originate in my throat and fall out of my mouth without my brain ever being involved.

The fantasia isn't hard note-wise (technique-wise? I dunno); it's the speed that's gonna burn me. When I first got it, I thought I'd never be able to play it. But I took it note-by-note, and it's going okay. I play better when I've memorised things; I assume it's like that for everyone (since, dur, it means that you know it well).

I wonder why really good piano players do weird movements and noises. I tried googling an answer, but nothing came up. Surely you can be a great pianist without throwing yourself around so much? Because if it's necessary (although not sufficient-hehe, english class. Speaking of which: because of that class, I've been identifying fallacies in advertisement and stuff. And looking for logic in the scriptures. Crazyawesome english teacher), then I don't think I'll ever be a great pianist.

Today was kind of a boring day. But whatever. Tomorrow, it's six weeks and two days until I'm back. Still too long. 

But sign-up is in a couple of weeks. 

I've naught more decir. Except that I need to shower.

BLISTERBLUFF

Hands and even more Beautiful Weather

Trying to play lots of little notes hurts my hands. Practise practise practise.

It's rainy today. Greyyyyy and awesome. 36-40 degrees. THAT is winter weather. Not blasted snow every day. It's nice and overcast, and I hear birds. I haven't heard birds in forever. There's a hawk living in our backyard.

I don't know what I'll do today. 

Toes and Beautiful Weather

Piano. As in, I get to play piano tomorrow morning because there's an elder's quorum breakfast and the church will be open. At 8:30. And I get to play all day if I want :D

Not all day, actually, because I want to go to choir festival at 1:15 as a chaperone so that I can ride on the bus for free. It'll be cool, if I can go.

It was beautiful outside today. It even got so hot that I had to use an umbrella. I went out at 10am with a blanket and the keyboard and my music and some drawing stuff and some books, and stayed out there 'til 2-something. Then I came in and did computer for a bit, then Art Girl called and I did modelling for her 'til 6. Then I went with Aorta to Music Teacher's house (who is also the YW prez) and there was a YW party going on. Alysia Wilson was there. She's cool. But it was fun, and I did paraffin wax on my hands,  and ate too much, and gave two of the leaders (including Music Teacher) foot massages and painted their toenails. Aurora did three leaders. Then I helped clean up, doing dishes and such. It was cool. Service is good.

And now I'm home and wanting it to be tomorrow. Piano.

euphoria close to euphoria i could get lost

My life right now is a bunch of Wednesday-from-5-to-10's and Sunday-from-7-to-4's strung together, with a dash of Tuesday-or-Thursday-at-2's in there. All of it saturated in piano and sloth. Winter has killed my spirit, and I need spring to make me alive. Or friends or something. 

I need to get away from this space, these few square feet that trap me and are making me go backward. I need to get away from the influence that this place and my family has on me. I need something different, because this taste in my mouth won't go away until I go away. 

Change is what I need, variation; I am free; I am not alive when I'm caged like this. I need movement. I need to fly near the stars and drift in the wind.

I need to be able to go where I want when I want, without notifying anyone. I need to be able to disappear once in a while. I need privacy. I need to be untethered.

I'm slogging through thick mud, not unscathed. It's getting in my ears, making me deaf; it's getting in my mouth, making me silent; it's going down my throat, into my lungs, gathering in my stomach, becoming a heavy lump of dead, and it's choking me. 

I was made free; but they have again tied me down. I have had a taste of life, and now I need it to survive. 

My eyes burn when I look into the light; I was just getting adjusted to its intensity. These months of darkness have been terrible.

I need to get out. If I am to stay sane, I need to get out. I've cut myself from them, and they can't have me back. They can love me from a distance. But this close I am smothered. I'm responsible for none but myself; they can't put guilt on me. 

April, April, April, I can see you on paper, I can feel you coming. But why aren't you here yet? Why are you taking so long?

I've run out of time.

Let me go.

April 15th, the day of yes!

Piano lessons today. I got lotsa stuff. I want to play piano. Real piano.  Not keyboard. 

I'm making dinner right now: pineapple pork chops. It requires soy sauce, and I found that we had none, so I'm making a substitute from a recipe that I found online. 

It's 60 degrees outside, or was. LOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

It felt like October.

Art Girl is doing a photo project and I'm going to model for her. In a dress. 

I burnt my tounge eating the not soy sauce. 

I like to eat plain baking soda.

I like to eat plain balsamic vinegar.

I like to eat plain bouillon cubes.

I like to eat food from a can or a pot. Bowls and plates are for not-college-students. Speaking of college, I really want to go back. REALLY.

I'm switching to music minor, unless I get a "no" feeling. But I think it's right. PIANO

And ear training and music theory and tonal something-or-other. And piano lessons. PIANO

I like the crumbs at the bottom of the cereal bag. That's my favourite part.

Make a "W" with your mouth and then go look in the mirror. You look pretty. Then make a stupid face and laugh at yourself for making faces at yourself. Then laugh at yourself for doing what I told you to do.

Schink is allergic to dust mites. And cockroaches. Eh?

Piano. Mozart. Mozart's awesome. I wish I were that good at piano. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmozart.

I have nothing more to say.

I think I'll go to Boston

I like to put lather over my ears when I'm showering and mute the world. Then I foam my hair into a fauxhawk. That's how cool I am. And then, at the very end, I boil myself by turning the water up as high as possible and see how long I can stay in the water before I die of hurt. 

Piano today: from 6-10:30, straight. Not enough time. I think I'll spend whole Saturdays in the Snow building. I can't wait to go back!

I learned "Boston" by Augustana. It is wicked fun to play, and wicked easy to learn. Wicked wicker witches whine while whistling. That song reminds me of Gillette, because I remember one morning after seminary he was playing it, and I asked him what it was, and I didn't remember what he said the song was, but I remember him saying, "It's called blah blah blah. You would like it." And it's the "you would like it" part that bothered me when I didn't remember the name, only the melody. It's such a pretty song. I wish I had written it.

Piano lessons tomorrow. I didn't do everything she asked me to do; I still need to study intervals and diminished and augmented, and which letter goes with which key signature. 'Tis but memorisation. And she gave me a simplified version of "Canon" to do, with the same left hand part the whole way through. If I could memorise it, I could play it better. 

Still working on that Fantasia. I think the hardest part will be the speed. But I don't know; I'm only two pages into it and it's six pages, with a lot of "flying up and down the keyboard" parts. It gives me shivers every time I listen to it in the car.

I just ate a cucumber.

A couple days ago I made fudgies (you lesser mortals know them by the dull name of "no bakes"). Mum's recipe is the best. So is her sugar cookie recipe. But it wasn't cocoa-y enough for me so I added a couple more tablespoons and that's when I learned that I like darker chocolate, 'cuz mum thinks they're gross like that. And today I made yet another version of chocolate chip cookies, and these awesome delicious try-them-or-die thingies that are called "Golden Yam Brownies", but they're not brownies, but they're not cake, but they are probably the most delicious things I've ever tasted. Ever. Look up "Golden Yam Brownies" on allrecipes.com. Make them. Or die.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I feel really pretty right now. I look in the mirror and don't recognise myself. I just don't look like that, and my hair is not that cool, and my eyes are pretty, but not that pretty...the girl in the mirror could be a model, but I'm too fat and short. And her lips are pretty; so are her hands and wrists and even her nose. But not mine. My lips are too small, my fingers aren't long enough, my wrists aren't thin enough, my nose is too big. That girl isn't me. I don't know who she is. But I wish I were her, because she's so pretty. I'll bet all the guys like her. I'll bet she can wear anything and not look fat. I'll bet she's confident and funny and smart and artistic and good at everything. I'll bet she's cool. I want to be her friend, but she wouldn't ever be friends with someone as boring as me. Except she would, because she's that nice, and she finds everyone interesting. But I'm too shy to talk to her. She has a pretty smile. It looks genuine all the time. She looks so interesting, and so complex; like she has so many different layers, so many different sides to her. I wonder what her story is, because she has to have one. I wish I could be her, because then I would have an awesome life, and I'd be happy and having fun all the time, and everyone would like me. She's not me; who is she?

I like my hair even more, now that it's grown out a bit. 

I didn't sleep last night, but I slept from 7:30am-10am. Sleep is a huge waste of time.

The sun was AWESOME when it was setting. It was HUGE! And ORANGE! I was driving to the church when I saw it and Smells and I (well, actually just I, but Smells was in the car also) chased the sun. I took a few pictures whilst driving. 

I think that one of the greatest things in the world is listening to music turned way up in a small car while driving really fast in the dark by yourself and singing along and improv-harmonising, and it doesn't matter whether you suck or you don't, because you're the only one that can hear.

Today I felt October. But I also caught the tiniest hint of spring. It's waiting.

I'm tired. 

42 days 'til I'm back home.

That's 6 weeks exactly.

Reality 2.0

Self pity doesn't really suit me. Ignore my blobbing. It's all crap. 

Reality

I will never be good enough at the piano. 

I don't have talent, I just practise a ton.

That makes me sad, because I love it so much.

I know that no matter how much I practise, I will never be good enough.

Nearly every mormon can play piano somewhat.

I'm not even sure I want to take a class anymore, because I fear I'd be told that I wasn't good enough. 

Of course, I'm grateful for what I can do. I never thought I'd be able to play hymns. But I fear that's as far as I'll go.

I just wish I were really really good at one thing. Even if it meant not being really good at other things. Because being a bit good at everything is not as good as being really good at one thing.

I would gladly give up all my artistic "talent" to be able to play piano well.

I would give up my ability to cook.

I would give up my photography.

I would give up...whatever else means a lot to me (within reason).

I am grateful for what I am able to do, though.

Is it April yet?

Feel Some Kind of Strange

Because you can go back and edit posts, it's kinda like 1983, where you can erase all traces of whatever you want. Right now, we're at war with Eurasia. East Asia has always been an ally. Trust me.

But whatever. We went to go check out the pinano yesterday and it sounds like a saloon piano. It is WAAAY old. But it's okay, because I knew it was too good to be true. Things like that just don't happen to me, or they do, but there's always a catch. 'Tis my unluck, but I'm used to it, so it's cool.

I'm bored. One month and 15 days, and I'm outta here, hopefully for a long time.

Parts of my dream that I remember:

I was in the parking lot in between the dorms, but it was a bit different, because the dorms were more like apartments, and there were more trees, and they were taller, and mum was there, picking me up to go get dinner or ice cream or something, and I was packing my stuff into the van (I think) and other people were packing and moving out. It started out sunny, but then more and more clouds came, and the sun was lower in the sky, and then, I looked at the sky, and it was THE MOST beautiful sky I'd ever seen: sun making everything yellow-brown-orange, covered by stuck-together-cotton-ball clouds, with a big, dark, grey sheet of  cloud moving in from the right. I didn't have my camera with me (of course) so I RAN back to my apartment, but by the time I got back, the grey sheet-cloud had almost covered the sky. But that moment where the sky was beautiful...it was so beautiful...I'm surprised my mind could make the sky like that. Then once the sheet-cloud had covered the sky, it started to rain: a few drops at first, then some more, then all of a sudden it was raining HARD but it was that warm summer rain that you want to dance in, and everything still had sort of an orange-y tint. It was so beautiful.

Then this other part, I was at Braulim's, and apples were 25 cents each, so I was going to buy a lot, but I didn't have a ride home, and I couldn't carry all of them home, and I had just gotten new roommates (3 guys...I don't get it either. They were all pretty hot though. Tall, skinny, alternative), and didn't have any of their phone numbers (one of them had a car) but they were at Braulim's too, and I just didn't know it, but they saw me and I sorta recognised them, but wasn't sure that they were my roommates because when I met them I didn't really look at them. They assured me that they were my roommates, and so it was okay.

It was a cool dream.