No, I'd rather it be mustard, if you please.

Cor, I'm bored today. It's one of those lazy do-nothing days. I don't even feel like playing piano. 

Leeeeethhhhhhhhhharrrrrrrrgyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.........................

It needs to be April. And I get to sign up for classes in 17 days. Heck yeah!

La la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I........aaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmm................BOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRREEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

I feel like cooking, actually, but then I'll eat whatever I cook (and that's not good when I eat fifty trillion pounds of cookie dough)

Perhaps I'll just go eat lunch lunch lunch and then be bored bored booorreeedddddddddddddddddddddd

Eh.

Piano and Dancing in the Rain

I want it to rain forever forever forever forever forever forever forever forever

It's so beautiful...forever forever forever forever

I want it to rain forever

Playing piano in the church; I come out, and it's pouring rain; so much so that the light from the lampposts becomes solid because it's passing through so many drops. I am so happy; I dance and my coat becomes soaked, and I get water in my shoes. But I am so happy; smiling; laughing; closing my eyes and facing the sky. Twirling around.

I get in the car and take of my coat and make "oh!" noises at how beautiful it is. I can't get over it. I drive to the end of the parking lot with the lights off and the windshield wipers off. There is no one on the road; so silent, and so loud. The lights are smeared across the street (isn't it amazing how light bends? Isn't it amazing?). The rain drums on the top of the car. I go under the speed limit so it takes longer to get home. It's so beautiful. The snow is melting (I'm tired of snow). I sense spring (I need spring). It's raining so hard. It's so beautiful. I get to the road where I am supposed to turn to go home; but I go straight. I don't want to go home. It's darker down this road, and foggy, and beautiful. More hazy lights. I drive, drive, drive, then it's too dark and too foggy and I turn around in someone's driveway. I speed back, just because I can. I turn on the road. There's a huge puddle. I go down to the end, turn left at the batman sign. Turn my lights off. There's another puddle. There's another huge puddle. I turn right, onto the last street, and speed through the puddle. It's like a water ride. Go down a bit, and the biggest puddle I've ever seen. I speed through that. So much water, forced to the sides by the car. So beautiful, and so fun. I'm laughing. I get to our house, and turn around in the driveway. Go through another huge puddle on the opposite side of the street as I drive away from the house. I've probably soaked their cars. Oops. Then I turn around and again go through the biggest puddle I've ever seen. So much water. Hydroplaning action going on (heck yeah). Then I go up the driveway and go inside. I get out and go to the edge of the garage. Close my eyes, and listen. Listen. It's so beautiful. I want it forever.

Piano lessons were sweetness. The teacher always makes me feel like I'm an awesome piano player (but I assure you, I'm not. I'm ashamed by my bragging; what I've done is NOTHING. I realised that I don't have talent; I have practise. It's only because I practised that I was able to do piano); she's always amazed at what I can do. I have nothing to compare myself with, so I assume she's just amazed because I got this far on my own ('cept it's not that far. Just past the basics). 

The nocturne is a lot harder than I thought it'd be; it's only three pages, but it's even harder than that fantasia that I'm working on. And Teacher gave me like, fifty billion things of music that I can't play, but I can tell are easy (once again, I have no talent; I was able to do the things that she gave me because they were so amazingly easy). So practise practise practise is going to be my life until I get those songs. I need to get my hands stronger. 

I love piano. I love it. Love love love. I can feel it sometimes now, and hear it. 

I suppose I shouldn't complain; I never even thought I'd be able to play hymns. But I can. I never thought I'd be able to read music. But I can. I'm still amazed. It's me. I'm playing. I'm playing piano. And I'm fully convinced that it's not because of me or any talent that I have, but because I practised, and because I pray all the time that I'll become better. I said that I would love to be able to play hymns, and would play the piano for church whenever it was needed, if I could become good. And then I practised my butt off and prayed. And I'm convinced that that is what is making me become better. I am positive that I wouldn't be able to play without help.

I can tell that I've improved, though. It's so cool. It's SO cool. I love piano.

Music theory is more complicated than I thought. I want to take a class in it. Although with my major, I doubt I'll be able to. I also want to take art and photography and other science and a baking class (so I can learn the chemistry behind baking :D), and I won't have enough credits for everything I want to take.

Schink had this cub scout thing and we were supposed to bring a dessert so I made these amazing delicious make-you-fat-because-you-can't-stop-eating-them delicious peanut-butter thingies (I made 'em before; I've blogged about them-they were the ones that I substituted cookies for graham cracker crumbs). This time I didn't have enough graham cracker crumbs, so I used honey-nut cheerios. And there wasn't enough powdered sugar, so I blended granulated sugar into powdered sugar. And there wasn't enough peanut butter, so I used corn syrup for the rest of the peanut butter. 

I also made a cake that called for a boxed cake mix, but we didn't have a boxed cake mix, so I made a boxed cake mix and used that. And then I made a frosting to go with it, but it called for chocolate chips and I had used all of those in the peanut-butter things, so I looked up what could be a sub for chocochips and it said mix some stuff so I did. It came out grainy (the frosting) so I heated it up in the microwave until the sugar melted. 

And those were my cooking exploits of the day.

Piano=life

Piano=love

Piano=obsession

Piano=delicious

Piano=a skill at which I'll never be good enough

End

i won't let go i won't let go even if you say so oh no i've tried and tried with no results i won't let go i won't let go

Piano lesson today @ 2:30. I get that nocturne. I was listening to it; it doesn't seem incredibly hard. But I suppose I'll have to wait to see the music. 

It rained yesterday :D

But not that much :(

I can sense spring approaching

I love this song. Have you checked it out yet?

Newsflash: My baby brother is covered in lipstick (so yelled my mum from upstairs) because I was supposed to be watching him but my version of watching him is following him around for a few minutes then getting distracted by something. I'll probably be a horrible mother.

I miss BYU-I

My nails are blue

Beautiful

Electric

Blue

My right contact (anatomical position) is bothering me

I suppose I'll go change it

Mascara

Eyeshadow

Eyelash floating in the water in the sink

Dirty mirror

My contact is really bothering me, and I need to leave, so as much as I'd like to keep boring you with my unlife, I must go. So sorry to disappoint. 

But before I leave, I made these awesome deliciousnesses:

I used nonseedless raspberry preserves and cherry preserves (not mixed, just in different places to try which one I liked better). Cherry was better. It tasted like pie. 

Did you know that 1 Tablespoon of preserves has 50 calories? That is A LOT. 

1 Teaspoon of sugar has 15 calories

1 Tablespoon butter has 110 calories

End

Antes de I Begin the Day

I woke up from another vivid dream at 9 and just typed it down. It went from 5am to 9am, when my alarm was going off and I had to press it. It was a good dream; then again, all of mine are good and way cool. They could totally be movies. 

TODAY'S WEDNESDAY!!! I just realised that!! Piano tonight.

Piano lesson was moved to Thursday because Teacher had sore throat and a hoarse voice. 

Home teacher came over (the other one didn't because he didn't call him) and he's this nice guy from our ward who actually seems to care for our family. I didn't realise how much my parents (and I suppose I myself) had missed having company. It's always like that. You don't realise how much you needed something until you get it again and then it's like, "whoa, I was depraved". I was surprised that even I enjoyed it. Wanna hear something odd? I miss the ward in K-Ville, even though all the young moms were gossipy and a lot were immature, they were less busy and did things like parties and such a lot more than these old fogies do, and since dad was in school with most of the husbands, we got invited to parties for New Years, Christmas, etc. But whatever. That's my fault for not appreciating it. And I definitely DEFINITELY miss the wards at BYU-I. I remember one Sunday (it may have been the first Sunday, which was a fast Sunday), the bishop told us that the way the wards were run at BYU-I (or he may have just said "college") was the most perfect, because we got our home teaching/visiting teaching done, because nearly everyone was there on time, because they had a very very high attendance rate. And it's true. I want that ol' Spirit of Ricks back. But only two and a half more months, and I'm back. WAANNTTTT!!

I need patience.

Time to go be alive. Pardon.

I a m t i r e d S l e e p i s n e a r I c a n f e e l i t i n m y b o d y D r e a m a d r e a m o f b e a u t y.

Saturday: 

I don't remember how the day went, but I made two pies (the lemon meringue one again and this french silk pie that mum gave me a recipe for that wasn't good at all-but the crust was: I used the graham cracker crust recipe, but used chocolate graham crackers, no cinnamon, and added cocoa powder). Later that night, when I was apposed to be sleeping, I painted.

Sunday:

Piano, church (in primary, I had low blood sugar no-energyness because I had sugar-cereal for breakfast. I didn't like it), lunch (an apple and soup straight from the can), piano, home at 4pm, cook cranberry meatballs, elders came over for dinner (they both do piano, the older one can play by ear, and had lessons for one year, the younger one, who's cooler, had lessons for six years), Thaden had a mega-diaper, full of raisins and coming out the top of his diaper. He had stuck his hand in it, too, and wiped it on places. Aurora and I laughed a lot. Mum watched O Brother, Where Art Thou with me (good movie, go watch it, then go read The Odyssey, which I  will now)

When I was playing the piano after church, someone told me they had a piano that wasn't too out of tune that I could have-for free-if I could come pick it up. I'm not even going to hope. Either it's going to be way out of tune (we can't afford to have it tuned, but I did say that they could keep it 'til I have my own house, then I could take it and get it tuned, because it'd be cheaper than buying one), or we won't be able to pick it up, or we won't have room for it, or we won't be able to get it in the house, or Dad'll say no. It never happened until the piano is here, and in the house, and I am playing it. But that won't happen until it happens, which it won't, so I'm not even going to hope. 

Today:

Woke up, breakfast, downstairs to paint, spray paint in a not-well-ventilated area, choke, cough, to my room, sleep, upstairs, lunch, whatever, store, pick up Aurora- Story Time: Because I CAN NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOOOOTTTTT stand rap AT ALL, and can just BARELY tolerate R&B and all that other crap music that Aurora listens to on the radio, and because she's spoiled and doesn't want me to have my way if she can't have her way (hmm, miserable like unto herself?), we had to make a rule when I came home that whoever's the passenger gets to choose the music. So when she drives, I choose the music; when I drive, she chooses the music. We also have an unofficial courtesy rule that she doesn't do rap, only R&B and other junk, and I don't do hymns or classical, only Enya and other stuff. But tonight she decided  to be a jerk and disregard her own rule. She came up to the car, Mum moved so Aorta could drive, I was thinking in my mind, "Great. Here we go again." So she turned on the radio to her music, with the unlogic that she hadn't gotten to listen to her music the last time she drove up, so she got to listen to it now (yes, let's make exceptions for you but not for me. Of course YOU can change the rule to suit you, but when I try to do it, it doesn't work). It was some hideous, nasty, revolting, vomit-in-my-throat rap song, so I tried to change it, and mum defended Aorta, because apparently she NEVER gets her way and I ALWAYS get my way (bull), so I told her to let me out. She did, and I got out and walked home. I'd rather freeze than listen to that disgusting, sorry excuse for music. And I did. By the time mum decided that I shouldn't be walking outside at night by myself in the cold, I couldn't feel my legs at all. It was weird. I was kinda mad for the first few minutes of walking, but then I decided that I really didn't care; that it was my choice to get out of the car; that it was pretty outside; and that I was getting to take a walk outside in the dark. So it was actually a good thing. When I got in the car, Aurora and mum were mad or something, like I knew they'd be, but I was all chill. I didn't know what Aorta's problem was; she got to listen to her crybaby barf. And I wasn't dead, so I didn't know why mum was upset (you say I'm naive; I disagree. I am always right, until I am attacked and stolen and killed. And since I'm neither of the three, I'm not naive and I was entirely safe the whole time. Besides, I'm a teenager. It's not gonna happen to me and I know everything. Can't beat that logic). But anyways, we got home, unloaded the groceries. I put them away, which I love to do. Had cereal. Piano. Tired. Came upstairs, we did family prayer and scripture (Dad's on call, so he wasn't there). Came downstairs, did scriptures, then decided I'd better type in my journal or I'd forget stuff. I'm dead. I could probably fall asleep sitting up. I'm going to get up early tomorrow to make breakfast for Smells and Schink. Maybe scones. We have sour cream now, so I can. But I don't know. While we're talking about cooking, today I made potato buds and added a packet of Rice-a-Roni seasoning, then split-pea soup (1 lb split peas. Cook them, drain. Add chicken broth. Puree until smooth-ish. Add more chicken broth to thin. Add salt to taste. Pure awesomeness with almost no fat), then made this casserole thing from a recipe on a bag of instant buttermilk corn bread stuff that dad got one time on accident and that I've only used once. It called for ground beef, canned tomatoes, corn, onion. We had almost one tomato, so I processed that, and some green olives that no one ever eats, and one time I saw that they had been used in a mexican-type recipe. Then I added nearly a pound of ground beef that I made to go in spaghetti sauce but mum didn't want me to put it in there because she said she didn't like it, so people could put it in if they wanted to, but Schink didn't put it on the table when we had spaghetti, so no one ate it, and we have no sauce left and almost no spaghetti anyways, so it would have gone to waste. Then I cooked some corn, put that in a pan, then put the ground beef mix in there, then put the bread mix on top that the recipe said to make. It was a bit salty, but tasted like tamales. It was good with ketchup. 

It's late, and I'm tired. Audios. 

P.S. Piano lesson tomorrow at 2pm :D then library. And our home teachers are coming over for the first time (we've been here a year...this ward is disorganised, slow, laid-back. I hate it so much) at 7pm. And we're having FHE because Dad wasn't here tonight (and because I forgot to do a lesson...hehe...my mind is so scattered)

End

I. WANT. TO. PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (piano)

Schink showed me how to do the small-mouth thing and I practised a bit and now I can do it. I also practised those five chords again and I definitely have line blisters on the tips of three of my fingers. I think I'll keep killing them two times a day until I have calluses. I really want to take the guitar with me and learn it so that I have my own instrument with me. And I've decided for sure that I really like the trombone. I want to practise it nearly as much as I want to play piano. I would be practising right now, but Dad's asleep (poo). I really really wanna go practise it, and I really really really REALLY want it to be Sunday so I can go practise piano. I'm gonna bring some food with me so that I can stay longer. Oh, I WISH we had a piano in a soundproof room then I could play it whenever for however long I felt like. You have NO IDEA how BADLY I want to play right now!!!!!!!!!!! ARROIHEORHWONEKLJGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO PLAY PIANO!!!!!!!!!! 

Oh, and I was playing around with the trombone and found "We Thank Thee O God For A Prophet". Well, not all of it, because I can't get that high, but the first couple of lines I can do. It's pretty coolness. I want to stay with trombone and keep doing it, but Mum said they're like, $800. Ridiculous. And the Snow building just has pianos, not other instruments. I wonder if they rent. I wonder if you have to be a music major to rent. 

It's odd what things trigger memories. Today Thaden broke a lamp and it reminded me of something, and it's so weird, because I remember it exactly. I wish I could make a video of it in my head, because it's so crisp; it's like a scene from a movie, but as descriptive as a passage in a book.

I have an idea for painting. I hope it'll be cool. It was inspired by another thing on deviantART. 

I really want to practise trombone. I really want to play piano. I kind of want to practise guitar. 

Cor! I'm gonna miss trombone when I go back. I wonder if I'll ever be able to get one. I wonder if I'll ever get a piano. I wonder if I'll ever have the opportunity to try other instruments. 

I really really want to go play piano. REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously.

Painting time; going to try (unsuccessfully) to get my mind off piano.

Oh, but P.S., there's this really really awesome, beautiful, weird, sad, happy, vivid-imagery song that you guys should look up on playlist.com and listen to: This Is The Dream of Evan and Chan by The Postal Service. The first time you listen to it, it just sounds odd, but the next few times you listen to it, you get the words and the music and the different moods: love, longing, a bit of sadness mixed in. I don't know why I love it so much. But it's so beautiful, and so haunting. Whenever it starts, I'm kind of scared to listen to it, but I also yearn for it, and must listen to it. Maybe because I know that it ends. I don't want it to end. It's so beautiful. You'll probably hate the song, but I think it's beautiful. But I love that song. 

Okay, that was a long P.S. 

But now it's time to paint

What Else Is Hidden Inside of Me?

Yesterday Schink had this thing at his school for all the trombone players in the 5th grade band called "Trombone-a-palooza" or some cheese like that, and he was in it, so Mum and I and Thaden went and watched it. We were a bit late, so they were playing a song when we walked in, and it was kind of hilarious to hear all those little kids farting out of their trombones; not being in synch or anything. But it was also cool at the same time, because you know that they had been working hard and all that. Anyways, we watched that, and their band teacher seemed way cool, then I decided that it looked easy and fun and that I wanted to try to play trombone. So I asked Schink if I could take it home; he said yes. So I took it home and fiddled around a bit, then got online to find out how to play a trombone, and I learned the positions and the way you're supposed to do your mouth and stuff. I was playing around with that, and then Schink came home and showed me some more stuff that clarified everything, then I made myself a chart, and I ended up practising for about 2 hours. Then today I practised some more. I can only do the lower two sets of notes, and I can't do the third, because I can't get my mouth small enough or the right shape or something. Schink showed me how to do it, but I forget, so I'll have to ask him again. But I can play "Hot Cross Buns" and a few other things! I think I really like trombone. It's fun. 

I also have a guitar that I got in about 9th grade that I haven't really touched, but yesterday after playing the trombone, I decided I'd get it out and mess with that. So I did, and I can tell it's going to take me a lot longer to learn guitar than piano or trombone. But there's this website that I think is really good, so I'm using that, and the first thing is to learn the C, A, G, E, and D major chords. I practised those today and now I have three red, puffy fingers on my left hand. I can tell they'll blister when I practise more. 

It's so sweetness, though. I want to try other instruments. I think I wasn't supposed to discover this talent/interest until now, because if I had done it in school, I wouldn't have stayed with it, because I would have gotten impatient and lazy. But since I'm wanting to do this, and am choosing to do this, I'm motivated to learn, and I have the patience. I'm so stoked. I'm hoping to be good enough with the guitar by time I leave to be able to take it with me. But I don't want to take it with me if I'm not good at it. 

Schink's trombone is a rental, and I wish it weren't. But Aorta does have a flute, and she's not in band anymore...

I made a super-delicious lemon meringue pie yesterday with a homemade graham cracker crust. It was so good, I had some for breakfast today. 

The pie: http://www.allrecipes.com/Recipe/Grandmas-Lemon-Meringue-Pie/Detail.aspx

Changes on the pie: I just used lemon juice instead of the 2 lemons and lemon zest. 3 Tbsps juice= 1 lemon. It wasn't lemony enough for me, so I added a lot more than the 6 Tbsp. I don't know how much more though; you'll have to taste as you go. 

The crust: http://www.allrecipes.com/Recipe/Graham-Cracker-Crust-I/Detail.aspx

Changes on the crust: I only had 1 cup of graham cracker crumbs, so I used some Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal to make up the difference. 

I still need to make something for today, and I think I'll do that after blogging, 'cuz Thaden's sleeping and I can't practise music. 

I want it to be Sunday so I can play real piano (and go to church, of course. I love church. And I actually really like working in primary)

Oh, and I made a painting last night. It looks really cool. I saw this style on deviantART that I really liked, so I kind of copied it, but it still had my flavour. A title even came to mind as I was making it. And then the paint looked really cool when I poured it down the drain.

I'm not bored anymore-no, definitely not bored-but I  do want to be back and learning. And Snow building. And friends. And all that other stuff. 

LOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE BYU-I!!!

*Stoked*

HAPPY 100th POST!!

Tuesday....Aurora needed a ride to seminary, so I gave her one, and I stayed and played piano 'til 9:30am.

Wednesday....Aurora needed another ride to seminary, so I gave her one, and I stayed and played piano 'til 10:10am. Later that evening, Mum dropped me 'n Smells off at church, and I stayed and played piano 'til 10:00pm, then Mum came and picked me up. I really really wanted to stay longer, but being a stupid human got in the way- you know, with the hungry and the tired.

I lose track of time when I'm playing the piano, and I think that if I didn't have to eat or sleep or use the bathroom, and if I had enough stuff to practise, and a room all to myself, where I knew I couldn't be heard, I could do it forever. Or at least for a few days. I love it. 

One time, I listened to some of the songs that came with our keyboard, and one of them was Chopin's Nocturne Op.9 No.2 (an incomplete version), and it wouldn't get out of my head, so I started learning it from the version that was on the keyboard. 

Now, I've gotten another song stuck in my head, a horrible song to get stuck in my head, because it's impossible: Fantasia #2 by Mozart...and now I have to learn it. I have to. Just like I had to learn the Nocturne (although I never learned it all the way, but now I want to again, and I want to learn the real version). So I'm starting with the first page, and the first page is the easy page. And easy for this song is like...not easy. BUT SOMEDAY I WILL PLAY THIS SONG all the way through, and it will sound good. Maybe in, like, 30 years, but STILL. Why did that one have to get stuck in my head, though? I'm not even that good at hymns! But it's so beautiful. 

I started fiddling around with the pedal on Monday (I think), and I think (hope) I'm starting to get it. And that's not good either, because now I know what I'm missing when I don't have it and I have to practise on our teensy keyboard. It's....not the same. Not. I WISH we had a piano, and I REALLY wish it now. Before, it was just like, yeah, I want a piano. That would be cool. Now, I WANT, or NEEEEEEDDD, a piano. I would give up the next however many birthdays and Christmases if it meant I could get one. Kat, I now know why you stayed at the church every morning after seminary. 

I think when I get back, I'm going to become like those people and live at the Snow. I dunno if I already wrote about that or not, or just told someone about it (it may have been you, Kat), but this one time I was there and I heard some person say to another that she always saw her there, that she lived there. People eat meals in there. They know each other. I won't be able to be in there ALL the time, because I'll have classes in different buildings, and because the practise rooms are reserved at certain times for people, but past the times that they're reserved, and on Saturdays and on Sundays, I'll be there, when I'm not busy. This way, I'll have to get my homework done during the day, and then piano will be my reward. I seriously can't wait to get back. Less than a month, and I sign up for classes. A month after I sign up for classes, I'll be back. I. WANT. TO. BE. BACK. 

Science and art and math and music. I'm a bit good at all things, but not particularly good at any one thing. I can go either way: I'm not incredibly left, nor am I incredibly right in my brain. It's kind of cool, but kind of sad, because I wish I could be really really good at one thing. But I'm not. Just average. Averagechlo. And while we're on that: I hate my nickname "Chlo-Chlo" (or the alternate spelling, "Clo-Clo") but that's what my friends who give me a nickname call me ('cept Angie. She called me "Chlo-Ball". Remember that, Kat? I miss her a lot. Did I ever tell you I gave her a Book of Mormon for you? I told her that you were going to give her one on the last day of school but you weren't there, so I was doing it for you. I wrote my testimony in it and I always wondered how she received it until she emailed me one day and said she was grateful that I gave it to her, and that it helped her, or something like that. I still have the email. I don't know if she ever actually read it, but I know she appreciated it, and who knows? Maybe she'll join the church some day. I really hope she does. She's awesome). But I was thinking about it, and I think I'd be sad if people didn't call me Chlo-Chlo. So I hate it, but I like it. 

I cleaned the fridge part of the fridge on Tuesday because I was bored. I made caramel corn (the recipe says "popcorn balls", but I never make balls out of it) on Wednesday. Oh, and on Tuesday I made oatmeal por (or para, I forget now which is used when) la familia antes de I took Aorta to seminary. 

I dunno if I posted the address to that recipe, but I'm posting it now, and you're going to make it NOW, because it's flipping delicious: butter, sugar, corn syrup, salt, popcorn. Holy.

http://www.karosyrup.com/recipe_details.asp?id=502

MAKE IT NOW OR I'LL COME OVER THERE AND DOUSE YOU IN HAIRSPRAY THEN LIGHT YOU ON FIRE!!!

It's that good.

So yeah. My life=piano now. I never thought I'd be able to play it, or read notes. I still can't believe it sometimes. I still have sooooooooooooooo much more to learn though. 

I'm tired and feeling bored. Keyboard's only good for practising, not playing, and it's not the same ever since I started using the pedal.

I like grapes. Actually, I like all fruit. And I'm going to live on fruit when I get back. And those frozen packets of corn. Those are delicious. And that's what I've decided. 

Is it April yet?

Yesterday, the Day Before That, and Things I Like

Hey ho hi ho hee ho ho.

I've got the songs nearly perfect 'cept that dumb Bumblebee Tuna one. So I haven't been practising it, 'cause I can't get it, although I know that if I practise it, I will get it. SO I'm just dumbbbbbbbbbbbb. Oh, and brag brag brag, but I have the other songs (minus "Beauty and the Beast") memorised. But they're easy, so it doesn't count.

On Sabado, I did stuff that I don't remember now (which is why I should blog ev'ry day, but I don't feel like it sometimes, ya know?), and made little 1"x1" paintings of hearts with colours and styles that represented each person in the fam, including Thaden. I liked them. I should've made one for me. But I don't know what my colours are, just what other people's are. 

On Domingo, I made an awesome dinner, and practised piano afore and after church. Then I made an awesome awesome dinner, then studied scriptures.

Hoy, yo woke up at 6:17am in the middle of a cool dream for no reason at all, then decided that I'd rather not get up, and went back to sleep 'til 7:28am. I got up, reflected on my dream and recorded it (I read somewhere that if you record your dreams, you remember them better, and it must be true, because I've been remembering my dreams a lot better. Side note- have you ever had a dream that affected the mood of your whole day, whether for good or for bad, or made you think about something for a couple days, or made you really want to see a movie? I love those kinds of dreams. Another side note- do you think dreams ever mean anything, or do you think they're just random? I also read that you have dreams about things that you've been thinking about a lot, but I wasn't thinking about this), made coffee cake, played DDR, and I'm good at it (hecks yes). Then I showered (Side note- For some odd reason, I feel prettier right after I've showered and lotioned and haven't put my clothes back on. But when I wear clothes, I don't feel as pretty. But normally people feel prettier when they do have clothes on, and hate themselves when they're not wearing clothes. Maybe because it's so natural. I don't know. I'm weird.). Then I did other stuff, then read scriptures, then I don't know, and I know I cleaned somewhere in there, and did piano. And after this I'm gonna go make dinner.

I wish I had some really really smart person that I could go to and ask questions about anything (like your Dad, Kat). Some of my questions are science-y, some are about human nature, some are about the gospel, some are just out there. For example: Why is sugar sticky? Is churning cream into butter a chemical or physical change? Those are just two that I've had on my mind, but I have a Book of Questions. And I keep thinking of more, and I can't always get the exact idea across. Sometimes I'm so vague in my speech, and I can't quite articulate what I'm thinking, and it's really frustrating, because I know exactly what I mean. I also trip over my words, and can't find the right word, or am misunderstood because occasionally I say things that can be perceived in more ways than one when I'm on-the-spot talking, and have no time to think. Sometimes I feel like my words tumble out like rocks down a hill, out-of-control and stumbling over each other. It bothers me. But I also like it. Again, I don't know why. I'm odd. 

I think all day, I think all night, I like to be obnoxious, I like to be quiet, I like to take photos and ask questions and get answers, I like to be spontaneous, I like to be understood, I like to be honest, I like clouds and rain and fog and hail and thunder and lightning, I like being vague, I like being specific. I like to organise and clean, I like to read, I like to cook, I like to talk, I like to listen, I like to hear other perspectives, I like to see from different perspectives, I like to show other people what I see and hear and feel and know. I like being open, I like being closed. I hate saying "I". I love saying "beautiful", "happy", "glad". I like to think. I like to do certain math problems. I like to draw. I like going to church. I like to play the piano. I like hope, and faith, and charity. I like to look towards the future, but take everything day by day. I like silhouettes, I like sea-glass. I don't like diamonds, or fancy jewelry. I like fake pearls. I like family hugs. Coats, shoes, scarlet, apples, earrings, lipstick, nailpolish. Hands, veins. I like being unexpected, and taking showers. I like being heard, I like being unheard. I like doing things to be noticed, and I love doing things without being noticed. I like to pray, I like to read scriptures, I like to go to the temple. I like to be. I like to lay down in the grass, with the wind warm and the sun on my face, with the silence all around me, and watch the clouds and feel the flowers and hear the colours of everything. I like to lay down in the snow, the cold biting my cheeks, and look up at the naked trees turning black in the darkening overcast sky. I like to lay down in the shallow water, and feel the scratchy sand against my back, and the waves lick my skin. I like to smell fall, and dance when no one's around. I like to scream until I have no air left. I like to be the first to use a new sponge. I hate seeing vomit, smelling vomit, seeing people vomit, hearing people vomit. I love to laugh. I like to make others laugh. I love hearing my dad laugh, and making my dad laugh. I love seeing my dad try not to laugh when he farts, or when someone tells a fart joke, and my mum gives him that look. I like to grocery shop. I like violent wind. I like warm summer rain. I yearn for spring. I love the first snow. I hate snow all winter. I love the mountains, I love the forest. I love the ocean. I like 7pm in September. I love college. I think about BYU-I every day. I like to turn lights on and off. I like to make faces at myself in the mirror. I hate feet. I love hands. I love bones. I love veins. I love my hair. I like fluffy new carpet. I like sneezing, and making myself sneeze. I don't like being sick when I'm sick, but when I'm not sick, I want to be sick. I love raspberry buttercreams from See's. Aurora and I used to go there nearly every Saturday when we lived in Cali. We'd go to Jamba Juice and she'd get the raspberry one and I'd get the mango one, or vice-versa, I don't remember, but Aurora would know, and I'd get a raspberry buttercream and she'd get something else. She paid with a dollar coin once. One time a guy was washing the windows outside of Jamba Juice and he asked us if we came every Saturday. One time Aurora spilled her drink then went and cried in the bathroom and I went in there with her and when we came out, they gave Aurora another one that was 10 times bigger. We still laugh about that. I love bookstores. I love saving things. I have dried roses in my room that I took with us from the move in MO, and plan on keeping. I like thought-flow writing, although sometimes the only one who understands is the writer. But that's okay. I love making food, but don't like to eat what I've made. I make a meal, then eat my own meal that's different food. My family doesn't like this, although I don't know why. And I don't know why I don't like eating what I made. I do like eating what I've made as I'm cooking it, though, like tasting the coffee cake batter, or pamcake batter, or cookie dough. I'm becoming more like my mum. Once upon a time that would have made me unhappy, and back then I never would have believed that I'd be like mum, but now that makes me happy. I like the book "Babbit". I feel bad when I see a book that I know not many people have read. I like natural light. I like hymns. I like toilets. I did a report on Thomas Crapper once, the inventor of the toilet. I also did a report on Cleopatra, Dianne Fossey, Jane Goodall. All four were very interesting. I never know whether people are my friends (except for a few). I love sunrises, and sunsets. I like doing things that I'm not supposed to (like being on the roof). I like the moon and the stars, especially Orion's Belt. I like to wake up before the sun. I think I'll go now.

The Rooms Have a Hint of Asbestos and Maybe Just a Dash of Formaldehyde

Geez, my posts are long. 

So I don't remember at all what I did this morning, but later in the day, it got busy.

We needed to go to Walmart for groceries, and Smells needed dropped off at the mall 'cuz she was going to hang with her friends, so we dropped her off, and Mum did a couple of errands at the mall. Then we went to Walmart, home of the poor (which must be nearly everyone these days), and grocery-shopped. Side note: I love grocery shopping. I could spend hours (and I have) looking at all the food, comparing prices, imagining all the things I could cook and bake if we could afford it. Many a time it has been that I have wandered up and down the baking aisle, wishing I could explore with all the fancy spices and flours and extracts. But alas, my dreams do not match up with Da's pay. Raspberry. Why is that extra "p" in there, anyways? What good does it do? Oh!! And while we were at the grocery store, I went over on an impulse to check out the cameras, and there was a dude from Kodak there, and from him I learned that adjusting the aperture gives you depth of field. And there was this awesome camera there for $129, which is an AWESOME price for how cool the camera is, and it has adjustable aperture and a really nice zoom, and I'm really considering buying it. BUT after we were done grocery shopping, Aurora needed a ride to some place for basketball because she missed the bus, but Mum had been driving people around all day and wanted to spend time with Da (you know what? I don't like "da". I'm going to call him "Dad" again. It sounds cool in an irish-accent book, but not here) and she wanted to be in the car with dad for the 30 min drive to drop off Aurora, but there was Thaden. So I said I'd watch Thaden, and she could go with dad (but see, "dad" just sounds too...teen-ish to me. But "father" is too formal, and "pop", "pops", "papa" just don't work for me. "Daddy" sounds like a spoiled rich blonde girl. Raspberry again). She said that Thaden needed changed and fed, and she had to pick up her prescription from the doc's office before they closed in 30 mins, and the car needed gas, and the groceries needed unloaded and put away. I told her I'd do all that; it was no big deal. So we met with dad at the gas station after mum picked up Aurora, 'cause his car needed gas also, and there was a rushed transfer as Mum and Aurora went to dad's car, and Dad gave me his phone, 'cause Smells had mine, and mum gave me her debit card, and then I hurriedly pumped some gas into the car while entertaining a crying Thaden from outside by kissing and licking the window (I had sparkly orange lipstick on, and there's still marks....I'll have to wash it off today), trying to be done before 5pm so I could go pick up mum's prescription. But then there was some confusion, and I had to take Thaden out and go pay inside, and the lady in front of me was being slow, but I finally paid (and later we found out that I dropped the debit card in the parking lot-stupid stupid me-but thank goodness whoever found it turned it in, and the gas station called us, and mum picked it up later last night), and then rushed and put Thaden back in his car seat and got in, and at the stop sign, before I went on the road, there was a clearing, so I was able to go right away, and then I got to the doc's office and took Thaden out and picked up the prescription, then dropped it off at Walgreen's, then went home and took in the groceries with Schink's and his friend's help (his friend is staying the night). I changed Thaden's diaper, then put him in his high chair, gave him some orange, but he just spit it out, so I gave him other stuff, while I put away the groceries, which consisted of frozen stuff, refrigerated stuff (and in the back of the fridge I found a bloody puddle under a wrapped piece of meat that dad had put into the fridge to defrost and had then forgot about, like he ALWAYS does; but I took it out, hoping that it wasn't rotten, because I didn't know exactly how long it had been in there, and cleaned up the puddle, and took the package to the sink-it so kindly dripped along the way-and cleaned up the drips), and pantry stuff, and I also had to transfer some meat into some bags because we got large packages of stuff, and I froze all that, then I tried to prepare the bloodmeat, but it turned out to be rotten (which is lame, because I have the perfect recipe that was quick that went with it), so I tossed it. Then Thaden pooed and I changed that (DISGUSTING!). Then I got out that turkey-cilantro-tomato sauce mixture that I made yesterday, along with the shells, and grated some cheese into the mixture (we got mozzarella-it worked), then filled the shells, and as I was filling the shells, mum and dad came home. I finished that, covered them with foil, and put them into the oven at 350 for 45 mins. They turned out awesomeness, just in case you wanted to know :P But I already knew that they would. AFTER THAT, I cleaned up stuff, then went down to my room, put "I'm Yours" on repeat on playlist.com (I need to buy that song), then felt creative and typed out some...I don't know....I suppose I'd call it poetry. I really like it, but a lot of it wouldn't make sense unless you were me. Whenever I try to write, though, whether it be for english or for whatever, it's like this wall comes down, and I can't think. Except for blogging, for some reason. I can definitely build off of someone's skeleton of writing, but doing it by myself just doesn't work. And that's a big reason why I hate english. But whatever. After I got done with that, I went upstairs to see what was up. Other stuff happened, but it was nothing important, and after that, Aurora, Mum, and I came home and watched Ever After. Aurora fell asleep in the middle of it, and Mum quoted nearly every line throughout the entire movie (but I think it's funny when she does that) and then at the end of the movie, she and I were reading all the names in the credits as fast as we could, trying to one-up each other. I totally pwn at speed reading. I used to be the best in the class in elementary. So we did that, then went upstairs and goofed off with Ninny (he was in the bathroom, we were peeking over the top step, and he was frazzled, and we teased him) then mum and I goofed off a bit more, then I got stuff from my room 'cause I decided to sleep in Smell's room, 'cause she's spending the night at a friend's house, and now I'm on here at 2 am, blogging so I don't forget the day. And I'm getting up at 6:45 so that mum doesn't have to. Aurora needs a ride to b-ball practise. Raspberry.

I can't wait 'til April 15th. I want to go back and see my friends and have a fun time!! I got poo roommates last time, really boring ones who did nothing. I was gypped. But this time it'll be awesome, and I'll actually do stuff with my roomies, and we'll have funtimes instead of them just sitting on Facebook and Youtube all night, and reading lamesauce japanese comics and laughing and talking at their computers. Raspberry at them. Oh, and I totally dis-added Cali-girl as my friend on Facebook. Up hers. Ha ha. She never liked me anyways. She only did things if they benefited her, or if there were guys involved.

The end.

Do You Bite Your Thumb At Me, Sir?

Happy Friday the 13th!!

Yesterday I had my piano lesson; it was more an evaluation of what I could do. She had me play a hymn that I knew (Choose the Right), and a few other things from books that she had. I wasn't used to the piano (it was digital), and I was nervous and self-conscious, but she said she was way impressed that I was able to do this much from teaching myself, and she told me I was good at fingering, and sight-reading. It made me really really warmfuzzy inside. I get to go back Tuesday @ 2, which is awesome, and she's gonna teach me pedaling, and help me to refine stuff, and work on fingering and she's gonna teach me music theory, which I'm way stoked about. I like to not only know stuff, but how it works, down to the tiniest detail. I have assignments; I'm supposed to practise two hymns, a simplified classical piece, a song called "Bumblebee Tuna Song" (the melody is left hand and it's bluesy and it's hard), and a simplified "Beauty and the Beast". I am way stoked, and way happy. Nearly all my time is going to be devoted to practising piano. I am so happy.

After piano, she suggested I check out the library downtown, because she said it was awesome, so I did, and got lost on the way there (but I found it) and got way lost on the way back (but I found home-thank goodness for c-phones). It actually wasn't lost as much as it was...sidetracked? Or something, because the first time, I kind of knew where I wasn't, and the second time, I was on a familiar street, but I didn't know how to get back home from the library, but I did know how to get back home from that street (after I called mum to double-check). It was funny. 

I came home, fed Thaden and had a bit of leftover oatmeal, then did piano, then Da came home and he brought home dinner- which reminds me, I did some more inventive cooking yesterday: We have these large pasta shells that have been sitting in the cabinet FOREVER, and I was getting really annoyed with having them there, so I decided to make a filling to go with them. Normally mum fills them with spinach and cheese, and then tops them with red sauce, but we don't have spinach or cheese. We did have spaghetti sauce, and some leftover turkey (dark meat, which is the gross meat), so I used those along with leftover cilantro (leftover from the salsa I made, and you just can't waste fresh herbs; they're too delicious) and salt and pepper and lime juice and chili powder and onion and a clove of garlic, and I ground it all up in a processor, and decided that it needs cheese, so I'm letting it sit in the fridge, along with the cooked noodles, until we go to the store.

But anyways, we had dinner (sandwiches) and then I did more piano, and mum said she was going to the highschool's talent show because Aurora wanted her to, and I said I wanted to go, because the other one I went to at the other highschool was really cool, so I thought this one might be too. We went, and it wasn't that good at all. The other one was SO much cooler. It was still fun to go somewhere, though, and I got some really cool photos. I people-watched also, from a balcony-type thing in the hallway. No one looked up, except for one girl. People look odd when you're looking at them straight down. But when you look to the side, you aren't looking straight down anymore, and the people look different- and that makes no sense to you, but if you were there, I could show you what I'm saying. It was so interesting though. Insecurity and immaturity permeates highschoolers like a disease, and it's so readable on them. I felt sorry for them; I wanted to show them what it was like to be free of that, to be above all the peer-pressure and hardships of stupid highschool life, to be able to be yourself, to not have to pretend to be someone, to be more secure of who you are. It was also interesting to see that no one was alone. Why are we so insecure when we're alone? I saw down some girl's tops, too, and it was disgusting. I wonder if they know how much they're showing to the world? Gross.

After that, we went home, I did piano for a bit more, then decided I was tired, and went to bed. Then I had an awesome dream, which I just typed before I'm writing this, and it's around 1,400 words, and it was an interesting dream. I wish I could plug something into my head and record all my dreams, and then whenever I wanted to I could plug myself back in and re-have that dream, and be able to show other people. I have some cool dreams. But they don't make sense unless you're there. 

I showered, and wrote the dream, and I'm writing this, and now I'm gonna go eat breakfast because I'm hungry. Good day.

There's an airplane in the sky with a banner right behind loneliness is just a crime look each other in the eye and say hello oh oh oh

I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight, I was in the gym, practising piano, when the YW Prez and A Laurel came up behind me. YW prez said she needed to borrow the piano, because she and A Laurel were practising a song that A Laurel would be singing. So I said okay. Then YW Prez said that she was so glad I was playing piano, and more people needed to play piano. Then A Laurel said that she too wanted to play piano, and YW Prez told her that she did free lessons. I wasn't sure that I heard right, so I said, "Wait, did you say free lessons?" "Absofruitly. More people need to play piano, and I just want to help" or something of that sort. My everything just stopped for a second, and then my brain zapped to life and I said, "Could I do that?" "Yeah, definitely!" Then she and A Laurel practised the song, and then I set up the date and time (Thursdays at 1 or 2 pm) and she told A Laurel that she'd have to arrange a different time for her because A Laurel's in school. I still can't believe it. This is probably the absolute best thing that could ever happen. Ever. This is like, my #1 dream coming true. Of course, it's only been my #1 dream since October-ish, but that doesn't mean anything. I can't believe it. I am SO HAPPY!!!  Seriously. I cannot believe that I am getting this opportunity. I cannot believe I'm getting PIANO LESSONS for FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ohmygosh!!!!!!!! I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!! I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Why can't there be words for this?! Can you feel it too? I send happiness at you all!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!! Oh my gosh. I am so thankful that she offered to do this, and so so so so thankful to Heavenly Father for providing this opportunity. This is just even more proof that He loves us. Such a small thing, just to make me happy. I can't believe it. I'm still thinking that she's gonna call before 2pm tomorrow and say that she can't do it for some reason, because I have no idea what I did to deserve this. I don't know why I get this opportunity. But I am SO HAPPY and SO GRATEFUL!!!!! 

Other than that, it rained ALL DAY and it made me so happy. It was the perfect shade of "overcast gray" outside, and I think it was above 50 degrees. I made roasted potatoes, and something else, I think, but I can't remember. I got myself established on deviantart.com, and I've had people say they like my stuff. I love getting comments and critiques on my artwork and photos. I want to improve. 

We got TCBY, as it is "Waffle cone Wednesday". Fro-yo totally pwns. I've forgiven Aurora; it's not my business being mad/annoyed/disappointed at/with her, nor is it my business punishing her, nor is it my business holding a grudge. And it's not my business being a butt about her. 

It's still raining, and that makes me happy. We actually have a front yard. It's not just snow. Have you ever noticed the way the lights reflect on the wet street? It's really pretty, and a bit disorienting. I love it. 

I had a dream last night that I stayed in this place when I moved back to BYU-I. There were a whole bunch of Japanese people there, and it was really strict and formal, and everyone seemed like robots, and there were families with little kids there, not just single students. At one point, I looked in the mirror, and my hair was past my shoulders, and back to my natural boring colour. I didn't like it. And I was only supposed to stay there until school started, but I had signed a contract, forgetting that I had already signed a contract with the place I'm staying with Emmz, and I woke up sad, thinking that I'd have to call Emmz and tell her that I had to stay in this other place that, although way awesome, was not with Emmz. But then my brain woke up, and I realised it was just a dream. It was very odd. 

I don't know when a bad thing is going to happen, but with all this happiness, something bad has to happen soon. And when it comes, it's going to be huge, to be in proportion to all the good things that have been happening. I think that must be a law or something. "For every good thing that happens, there will be an equal amount of bad things that happen." I wish it would just come instead of building up so much. It's gonna be like a huge avalanche on top of me, as opposed to a few snowballs. 

Last night, I was in my Mum's room, looking at the moon. It was calling to me; the whole outdoors was calling to me. So I opened her window, and the call was stronger. I had to go outside. So I opened the screen and went on the roof. It was beautiful. So beautiful. I could feel the moonlight, could feel the stars and the sky and the night. I saw Orion's belt; it's the only one I can identify, and so the one I always look for. I can see it no matter where I go, and it makes me happy. I was laying out there when Smells came upstairs, and I told her to come out with me, and she did, and we lay there, looking at the sky. 

So that's that. I am so happy. I am so happy. I want it to be tomorrow. I am so happy. I AM SO HAPPY!!!!! 

And No One Has To Know If We Decide To Go

WOW! Okay. Let's get started.

Yesterday, I didn't do much; did my morning cleaning and all that. Later I made some bread from a semi-made up recipe; if it turns out okay, I'll post it, but I'm still letting it rise from yesterday. I also made sugar cookies from the best recipe in the world. Ours. Seriously: make these and you'll never want any other sugar cookies.

1 lb powdered sugar

2 cups butter, softened- NOT MELTED!! (If you need to soften it quickly, cut it up into tablespoons and then cut it in half lengthwise and then microwave it for 10-12 secs)

2 eggs

2 tsp. vanilla extract

1 tsp. lemon extract (If you don't have lemon, replace with 1 tsp. vanilla. Yesterday I replaced this with 1 tsp. almond extract, and it was awesome. I've never tried it with the lemon)

5 cups flour

2 tsp. baking soda

2 tsp. cream of tartar

Cream sugar and butter. Blend in eggs and flavourings. Blend in soda, then tartar, then flour. Refrigerate for 4 hours, or overnight. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Roll out dough on a surface lightly dusted with flour. Cut into shapes and such, handling the dough as little as possible. (I don't cut it into shapes; too much work. I just grab a chunk of the dough and flatten it to 1/4 inch.) Bake 7-8 mins or until middle is solidified-ish. If they're starting to brown, then you've killed them and totally failed. Go cry in a corner and dash your brains out.

Top with this deliciousness:

http://www.allrecipes.com/Recipe/Ricks-Special-Buttercream-Frosting/Detail.aspx

But I suggest halving or quartering it. It makes a LOT of frosting; like, a LOT.

To be awesomeness, I crushed up some leftover candy canes (because no one ever eats the candy canes, and they'd been sitting in the pantry forever...we've been over this before) and put them in the sifter, and sifted the smaller bits into the frosting, then put the bigger bits into the dough. They're awesome.

I had to run to the store to get powdered sugar, and did my whole "loud music sing-along" sweetness, and was stoked. 

Later, we had FHE, and it was a good FHE. 

After FHE, I still wanted to go for a walk in the woods, so I asked Da, and he said no, but Smells and Schink said they'd go, so Da said it'd be okay if we went if Mum came with us, but she didn't, so I cried from disappointment (I was REALLY looking forward to it), and went outside and sat in a chair and looked at the moon instead. Schink came out there, and sat on me, and we talked. It was nice. I've been told I shouldn't have a favourite sibling, but Schink is my favourite sibling. He's so interesting, even though he's 10.

Later, while I was baking cookies or something, I heard a noise outside. Could it be? I ran to the sliding door, and opened it, hardly daring to believe....it was!! IT WAS RAINING!!! Last night, it rained!!!! I was SO excited!!! I just turned around and smiled at Mum, all happy, and put my arm out and felt it. I was so happy. It's been warmer, so the snow's a lot melted, and it's awesome. 

After that, I watched "The Thing" with Mum (We recorded it on TV, so it was edited). Then I fell asleep while watching another thing that she put on, and she woke me up and I dragged myself to bed, where Aurora was still up, supposedly reading, although I think I saw a flash of cell phone that she hid. She was supposed to be doing homework. But she got out, and I went to bed, and had the weirdest "The Thing"-inspired dream, instead with werewolves, which made it 10,000 times cooler. At 7am, my alarm went off, and I kept pressing sleep, because I wanted to finish the dream, and I'd wake up, press sleep, then fall back into the dream, and it was so odd, because my dream was actually progressing like a movie, with a beginning, middle, and end, although I don't know if it actually ended. I know there was lots of chasing, and blood, and snow (even in my dreams...horrible) and at one part Mum went to an antique store or something, and I went with her, and there was a piano there, a really old one, and it sounded BEAUTIFUL. But it was, like, $599 or something like that. So apparently I don't even get what I want in my dreams. But it was still a wicked cool dream, so it's okay. I pressed sleep all the way through my second alarm, and my dream must have ended, or I woke up too much, and I got up at 9.

I did morning cleanup, then while I was eating breakfast Mum came downstairs and said stuff, which made me confused, because I didn't think that Aurora would be that much of an idiot. But apparently she is. And I honestly don't care whether she messes up her own life, but that she's making Mum and Da stressed makes me sad.

After that, I showered, then finished baking the cookies, then frosted them, then cleaned up my "studio", then did I don't know what, then made myself lunch at 1pm, and took a blanket and a pillow outside and lay on the deck and had lunch and read, then read for a while longer. I fell asleep, I guess, and I woke up to Mum telling me from her bathroom window to get ready. I asked her for what, then she reminded me that Thaden was getting a cast today. Then I remembered, and it was 2:50pm, and I got ready, and frosted the rest of the cookies, and we went, and he got his cast. I took lots of photos, and a 10 min video. It wasn't that eventful. But we got there before 3:30pm, and didn't get back 'til after 5pm. It was so nice outside today. I loved it. And it's supposed to rain tomorrow night.

When I got back, I had cereal, then had another adventure with Mum: Thaden has a habit of throwing stuff down the upstairs floor vent. A long time ago (relatively) he threw Mum's stylus down there, and she was sad about that, because she liked that stylus, and this morning he threw down two of Schink's DS games. I would have been glad, except that was more than $60 right there. So tonight, Mum tried her idea of sticking the videocamera down there along with a flashlight, both on twine, to see if we could see where the stuff ended up. But the videocamera was too big, and she got disappointed. I hesitated, had a one-second mini-argument with myself, then suggested that she use my camera, because it was smaller. I was scared because it meant that my camera could also get stuck down there, but I hate seeing Mum not happy. So we let the flashlight down, and Mum estimated that the vent went down about 9 ft. Then she stuck my camera in there, on record, while it was on (which was the plan) and tried to pull up. It was stuck. She told me so, and I just froze for a second. Then my mind flashed through anger, sadness, disbelief, and finally settled on no emotion so I could think. I thought for a minute, then calmed down. "We'll have to wait for it to run out of battery, and then it'll shut off." When it shut off, the lens would go in, and so it would be flat. Then she thought for a minute, about the whole "9 ft" thing, because she thought that the vent went in between the walls, but I suggested that it went down to the vent that's between the family room and the kitchen. Then she said the basement. So she had me rattle around the flashlight as she went to the basement, and she found where it went. We moved around the pipe, and got out the 2 games, my camera, and her stylus. She was happy. I'm glad. She's had a really poo week. 

I took my bread out. It tastes really good, but it's really heavy. It is all rye though, so I kinda knew it would be. I think I'll make it again, but with more yeast. I'll post the recipe later.

The end. Enjoy the photos.

Giselle in the ER

My Sugar Cookies

Thaden, post-break, pre-cast

Leaving the hospital. Thaden's got his neon-green cast.

And now for the adventure:

See how happy she is?

Like a Fire is Burning

Let's see....after church, I stayed to play piano, and when one of the bishop's counsellors was going around and shutting off all the lights, he told me that one of the Elders was playing in the chapel, and that he sounded really good, so I went to listen, and one of the Elders was playing and the other was talking to a woman who must have been an investigator, and I just sat and drew and listened as piano-Elder played piano and elaborated on some hymns, and the other Elder talked to the lady. Well, actually, she talked, he listened. She seems like one of those ladies that just has to talk and talk and dump her whole life story on everyone she meets. But it was cool. After they were done, I went back to the primary room, played for not much longer, had a couple of sugar packets that I had in my backpack, then went home and had lunch.

Later, I made those chocolate-chip cookies again, minus chocolate chips, but I added in a handful of oats (we had a bit left, so I just added it) and made a batch, and I thought that some walnuts would be good, so I put in some walnuts, and made the rest. I made caramel corn, too, but it was a different recipe than the first time I had made it, and it wasn't as good.

I also explored the forest for a bit over an hour. The forest looked so beautiful today for some reason, but also quieter and colder, and a little less welcoming. I came to an area, then looked up and watched as the trees swayed in the wind. A couple of the trees looked like they had feathers instead of needles coming from their branches, and as they rippled, they looked so soft; I wanted so badly to climb up and touch them. I just looked at them instead, and realised for the first time that trees always move when they're blown, no matter how large, but I hadn't noticed this before for some reason. I sat down for a bit, and read my patriarchal blessing, and was going to read scriptures, but the sun had gone behind some clouds, and it got cold really quickly, and all of a sudden I wanted nothing more than to be back home. So I went back hurriedly.

When I got back, Thaden was out on the porch, being cute. I kind of wondered about this, but was just like, "whatever". He pointed at a ball that he had thrown down the steps, and I got it for him, then he pointed at some paper that appeared when the snow melted, and grabbed that too. We chilled on the porch for a while, then Mum came out and gave Thaden a blanket and some turkey, but it was cold, so I took him inside. Aurora was asleep on the couch with the TV on, and she was the only one in the family room, so that's why Thaden was outside by himself. I took Thaden to the living room where Mum and Da were, and Mum told me that Thaden had been looking for me. Cuteness. Da was listening to scriptures on his computer; Mum was reading "Our Heritage". I played piano. Then Mum told Da to sing us something, and he sang a hymn in spanish (he went on his mission to Argentina). It was cool. 

I made oatmeal for dinner, then went down to my room and read scriptures, then got tired and fell asleep and had an odd dream in which I went back to Rexburg with that girl who I've done a couple things with here (who shall henceforth be known as "Art Girl"). I remember most of the dream took place in these airplane terminals that looked like cafeterias, and were poorly-lit, and were a bit creepy. It was always dark outside, and it was sometimes wet and rainy, and sometimes cold. When we were getting ready to fly back from Rexburg, I remember thinking to myself, "Why didn't I just leave some of the clothes and things that I brought this time at the storage place? I'm going to need to take them back anyways, and that way I would have had more room. Oh, wait, we haven't left yet. But I don't have my key. But we can swing by Emily's place before we go and leave them with her. I think I'll ask them if we can do that." But before I could ask them, I was woken up by Da waking Aurora up, who turned on the light, because she's an unprepared jerk like that, who then left without shutting the door and without shutting off the hall light, and I had to do that, and then I tried to fall back asleep, but my stomach felt funny (probably because I needed to use the bathroom), so I got up around 6:20am (by my clock, but it was earlier than that, because my clock is ahead), and used the bathroom, washed my face, chilled with Da, who hadn't left yet, then he left and I chilled with Smells and Schink, then I had breakfast and read scriptures, then did dishes and emptied the dishwasher as I watched the sun awaken, then cleaned up my stuff from upstairs. And now I'm on here, and I still have things to clean, and I want to upload photos to deviantart.com, and see what comments I get, and whether I'm good enough to sell a few photos as prints (which is a dream of mine).

So there.

I love getting up before the sun, and watching it rise; I also love seeing the sun die. It's so cool. Tonight's a full moon, and I want to take a walk in the forest with someone, but I asked Mum last night and she said it was too cold. I want to go with either Mum or Da or Aurora, but I don't think any of them will go. I don't feel safe going by myself at night.

Place Your Hand In Mine I'll Leave When I Wanna

On Thursday Smells almost got a concussion from ski club and we had to drive to Grand Rapids to the hospital where they took her, except this time it took less than the 45 mins it usually takes because mum was going 85 mph. We were in the car at 6:40 pm, then we were at the hospital from 7:00ish to 9:40ish, and got home at 10. Giselle didn't have a concussion, and on the way home we got Burger King, but I didn't, 'cuz it's fat, and I don't remember the last time I had fast food, or a hamburger. Hmm. It smelled so good, but no.

Yesterday I washed a fasciaload of dishes, and vacuumed, and swept, and cleaned the counters, and it took 2 or 3 hours. Since I started washing dishes, people have gotten more and more lazy, and now I wash everyone's dishes all the time, which doesn't bother me; it gives me something to do; but when I leave, they're gonna wonder why the kitchen is so dirty all of a sudden and why the sink is always filled with dishes.

On Thursday I baked meringues, and cake from homemade. The cake was awesomeness.

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Dark-Chocolate-CakeII/Detail.aspx

We had leftover frosting from Smell's B-Day party, so I frosted it with that. Hydrogenated nasty oil.  

Yesterday I made chocolate chip cookies, and I found the recipe that I'm going to use forever and ever.

 http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Award-Winning-Soft-Chocolate-Chip-Cookies/Detail.aspx

With these changes:

Add 2 tsp baking powder along with the soda in the recipe, 1 tsp salt (this makes the cookies salty, and I LOVE salty cookies), 2 TBSP of vanilla, not 2 tsps, and I don't like nasty walnuts in my cookies. These changes were suggested by one of the reviewers, and I did them and they made these cookies awesome. But the 1 tsp salt was from me; the reviewer said to use 1/2 tsp salt, but like I said, I like salty cookies.

Then I got a call from that girl who invited me to that talent show, and we watched Down With Love (a good movie), then talked. It was coolness, but we didn't have much to talk about, because we only had one class together for 4-ish months, and we never did anything outside of school, and I'm in college, and she's still in HS. But she's way cool: she has a record player!! She's definitely art. 

I slept on the couch last night 'cuz Aurora's friend slept over, and I stayed up past 2, mostly just playing the piano. At one point, I was so tired, that I just slouched on the couch and plunked stuff out with my right hand; I wanted to keep playing, but I was so tired, and I still had to brush my teeth. Eventually I did go brush my teeth, then I drew a picture because there was paper and crayons lying around, then set up my bed and went to sleep.

Woke up at 7am from my first alarm, shut it off and went back to sleep. Then woke up at 8am from my second alarm, and pressed sleep until 8:30am. Then I just got up. 

I looked out the window, and what did I see? Beautiful clouds, melting snow, and the sky smiling at me. It's a lot warmer outside, and it's supposed to rain. I'm happy.

Today I washed the inevitable sinkful of dishes while watching the sun rise. I paused to take a couple pictures, then unloaded the dishwasher, loaded it, and had breakfast, then made pamcakes. 

I overheard Aurora's friend say "It must be nice to have a sister that cooks. My sister doesn't do anything." That made me happy. Like, really happy.

I'm being noticed on Facebook. And it makes me happy.

My friends are awesome. That makes me happy.

I deleted all my stolen music. Be proud.

I see a ladybug crawling up the window.

I love my hair.

People compliment me. That makes me happy.

But I'm finally being noticed. That makes me happier than anything. I'm not invisible. My friends are awesome. I have friends. I seriously can't believe that. I can't believe that everything is so good. I complain sometimes, and have those stupid moods, but overall, I really do have an awesome life, and I can't understand why. But I am so glad, glad beyond description.

I get to make turkey. :D :D :D

Honestly, I cannot believe how good everything is right now, and how blessed I am. I really don't know why, I don't understand. But I am so glad. Ooh, here's another one of those times when I could keep writing and writing and writing. But I need to make the turkey; it's been the fridge for three days. 

Hugs to all!!!

Let the rain fall, I don't care

Thaden broke his arm yesterday. Small greenstick fracture. Giselle went to be with Thaden, I went to see medstuffs. And I know for sure that if I'm supposed to, I want to do something in medicine.

I got up, swept, cleaned the counters, washed dishes, made breakfast for Mum, like I do every morning. Then I made homemade salsa (BEST I have ever tasted: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Fresh-Tomato-Salsa/Detail.aspx Added a clove of garlic, didn't use the peppers, added corn, would have added beans if we had 'em, added a tsp or so of vinegar)

Then I made corn tortillas. Triple the recipe (which means 16 times 3). Water, salt, masa harina. Awesomeness. My Da wanted to buy chips at the store yesterday, but Mum charged me with making sure he didn't buy things that we didn't absolutely need, and I told him I'd make salsa and chips. We already had the masa, and the salsa ingredients are cheap, and it gave me something to do. In fact, it gave me 3-ish hours of something to do. 

Oh, also, yesterday, I made fudgies, and mashed potatoes, but in the mashed potatoes, I used a packet of Rice-A-Roni flavouring (Parmesan) because we didn't like the way it tasted with the Rice-A-Roni so we saved it and it had been sitting in the cabinet forever.

So after all that, I showered then took Schink to Cub Scouts at 5:20, and I stayed and played piano, then Mum called and I picked Aurora up from B-Ball at 7-ish and we got fro-yo then went back to the church, and I stayed until 9:40. After I decided that I should leave, I drove around backwards in the church parking lot for a song, then my iPod died, and I had to listen to the radio. Ick. But the songs weren't horrible; "Womanizer", then that new Pink song, then something else that I didn't really like, then a couple of older musics. I don't know what it is, but I seriously LOVE listening to music in the car. Or listening to music at all. Or music in general. College: Where you learn things. But seriously. Like, I can't even describe it. I don't even know what to say. Can I plug my head in and let you feel?

Oh, I also finished reading Milkweed by Jerry Spinelli. It is an amazing book, and Spinelli's an amazing author. I LOVE his style; it's vague and poetic. I love it. Go read that book. And I still need to watch Life Is Beautiful.

But none of 'em were home

Inside their catacombs

A million ancient bees

Began to sting our knees

While we were on our knees

Prayin' this disease

Would leave the ones we love

And never come again

And on the radio

We heard November rain

On The Radio by Regina Spektor. I love her songs.

And while we're on songs I love, check out the song Emily by Johanna Newsom. It's 12-ish mins long, and it's a beautiful song. Mum says it's annoying, but I love it, and the lyrics are just beautiful. It's about her sister, who's an astrophysicist. I love that song, even though I don't understand all of it.

I love science. I am a nerd. But I'm a cool nerd, not a nerdy nerd. Heck yeah. Malleability!!!

Oh, and I miss having a math class, and I want to take a physics class. 

Art + Science. I really am a mash-up of opposites. I'm sweetness, if I do say so myself, and I do say so myself.

"So myself."

I haven't a care in the world, because I store all my cares on Mars.

Pretty Dress by Rosie Thomas

Put your pretty dress on 
It's time for you to go to the dance
Tie your hair in ribbons and lace 
And wear pearls 'round your neck

And all the pretty princes will see you
All the pretty princes will see you
Some day, some day

Put your red boots on
It's time for you to walk home from school
Everyone will laugh, they'll point fingers at you
They'll be cruel

But cover up your ears and don't listen
Because you'll know much better than them
Some day, some day

And they'll wave to you
And they'll wave to you

Put your red coat on
And walk with a light in the woods
If it gets dark don't get scared
There's so much waiting for you

Cover up your tears and don't show them
'Cause you'll know much better than them 
Some day, some day

And they'll wave to you
And they'll wave to you
And they'll wave to you
And they'll wave to you

'Cause they don't see you like I see you
If they did, they'd see
The nice little girl who's grown up
To become homecoming queen

Put your pretty dress on
Put your red boots on

And they'll wave to you
And they'll wave to you
And we'll wave to you
And we'll wave to you

Put your pretty dress on
Put your red boots on
Put your red coat on
Put your pretty dress on

Put your pretty dress on
Put your red coat on
Put your red boots on
Put your pretty dress on

When you're strange faces come out of the rain/When you're strange no one remembers your name

I had another sweetness adventure today. Mi dia was like zis:

Aurora left the door open, so Bailey was on my pillow, and me being uncomfortable from him plus Smells and Schink making lots of noise upstairs made it so I couldn't fall back asleep, so I just got up at kill-me-dead 6:45am and went upstairs and played piano. Smells and Schink were still home, and Mum did Smell's hair last night, so I took a couple pics of it. She looked cute. Her hair's really long, and she wants to cut it. I fear she may be turn out to be like me in that respect. But they left, and I did piano for a bit more, then sorted through some recipes online in my online recipe box. Then I made some bread in the bread machine at 8:45-ish, and then sorted summore. Da came home from being on call around 9:30-10:00-ish, and he had breakfast, then I had breakfast (I mixed together plain cheerios, honey-nut, and banana-nut cheerios. I like mixing cereals; one time, I mixed together oatmeal, wheat chex, plain cheerios, and caramel fiber-one). Then at 11-ish Mum got up, and I put on some music and made her some cream of wheat, then baked some awesome cookies and some not-so-good lemon bars. They weren't lemon-y enough. But the cookies were these:

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Raspberry-and-Almond-Shortbread-Thumbprints/Detail.aspx

They're so good. And I now know that I love almond extract, and that it smells like delicious. But it doesn't taste delicious when licked from the teaspoon. Neither does vanilla taste delicious. But straight vanilla tastes better than straight almond.

After that, I got dressed, and explored the forest.

And THAT was a sweetness adventure.

The past couple of times that I've explored the forest, I've not gone that far out; maybe walked for 10 mins at the most. I'm always alone, so I'm afraid of getting lost (and one time I did, but not horribly). But this time I followed the footprints that I made about a week ago, and went further, and made handprints in the snow, so I knew where I'd been and which way to go. I discovered houses, "Keep Out" signs, various animal tracks, and deer poo. The forest goes on for a LOT longer than I thought. I also found the highway. It was just so awesome; you had to be there to understand. 

Now let's step back a minute. Can you picture me in K-Ville, fresh from Cali, complaining that there was nothing to do; that everything was all hickish; that I missed the suburban area with all its shopping and hollowness and shallowness?

And now here I am, and I don't want to go back to that. I like this wilderness. That doesn't mean I like MI, because there really is NOTHING to do here unless you have money, but I like being near nature, being out in nature, exploring it, listening to it, observing it. I think if the me then knew the me now, I'd hate myself. But I hate who I was, so it's okay.

My journeying took about an hour, then I came back, had lunch, played piano a bit more, then went with Mum and Da on errands. We came back, I DDR'd, then worked on the FHE lesson that Schink was doing, then heated up dinner, and we had dinner. 

I don't remember what I did after that, but then I tried to paint, and wasn't in the mood, so I opted to photo instead, and did that, then paused for FHE, then did it some more. I had taken some pictures already, and was setting up in a different area, and got everything all perfect, and then my camera decided that it was time to die, and it did. So I plugged it in, DDR'd some more, then went back and took some more photos. After 45-ish minutes, may have been an hour; I dunno, I don't keep time when I'm in there; my camera died again. I was disappointed, but also glad: I was getting some REALLY REALLY awesome photos, but I was tired, and it's a hassle having to set the timer, and wait, and all that. I only had 100-something photos left, but that was 100-something photos that could have been awesome...eh.

And now I'm listening to music and typing this and editing photos, because I'm just dumb like that. There's this artist named Allison Harvard whose artwork and photos are AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING, and I LOVE her style, and she is so beautiful. There's this photo of hers that I got inspiration from, and tonight's set was done with that inspiration in my head. There's also this song that I'm trying to get a photo to match, and if I get the right photo, I'll post the song and the photo.

I'm really wishing now that I had a photography class, and a real studio, and a nice camera. But I'm glad for what I have.

Back to photo editing. I need to use the loo. Pardon.

O Babylon, O Babylon, we bid thee farewell

Let's just get this out of the way first: I don't care about the Super Bowl. I don't care who wins; I don't have "a team"; I don't care about any sports event, not my school's, not my family's, nothing. I refuse to watch it, even more so because it's on Sunday. It's a waste of time.

After dinner, me 'n Schink had a water war, and it was so fun. Usually, I'd be scared to do that, because it makes a mess, but I got over it and I sponged him and he water-bottled me. It was so much fun. Then Jothan and I cleaned up the mess, and we fuzzed a bit, then Giselle joined us, then I photo'd/video'd Schink and Smells fuzzing around, and it was just awesome. Life is so much better when you get along with your family, and laugh at life. 

Da is on call today, but he showed up at church a little bit into Sacrament Meeting, which was a good surprise and made everyone happy. We showed up at church late, because Da wasn't there to help us get ready, so we missed singing #7, and I like that one. 

I took Giselle to pick up some stuff from her friend's house that she left there, and I took Thaden so Mum could have a break and Jothan came with us, and we listened to hymns from my iPod and I sang, and it was fun. 

A couple weeks ago, I was bored, so I modeled for myself, and took a bazillion photos, using a timer on the camera, and then a few days after that I did it again, and then a couple days ago, I set up a "studio" of sorts, and modeled for myself again, and then yesterday Aurora and I played DDR and then she modeled for me, and today I modeled again. It's way awesome, and I've decided to take a photography class during some winter semester, if I stay in R-Town for the winters (if I can, I want to just stay there. Plane tickets cost too much; I'll go to my family in Utah for holidays. I'm just dead bored here). I also downloaded Picasa (free application from Google or something like that), and have been using that (it's way awesome). Da has Corel, but I have absolutely NO idea how to use that, although I suppose I could read a manual....but who reads the manual? ......I might......Actually, I will. I definitely have time.

So I've decided that I'm using this time until April to develop my talents. And it's going smashingly so far. Or at least I hope it is. Photography, painting, drawing (which I do all the time anyways, but I have plans to actually set something up and do a real drawing instead of just doodling), cooking, piano, reading, etc., plus developing inward talents, like patience and all that.

And with cooking: 

Mum wanted me to make dinner. I asked her what she wanted me to make. She said I dunno, we still have some pasta. Make pasta. So I made pasta. And we have had a couple of cans of creamed corn and a couple of cans of cream of chicken sitting in the pantry for a bazillion years, and I hate it when that happens, so I mixed those together, and then cooked some peas, and put the cooked pasta in a casserole dish with the creamed corn/cream of chicken mixture, mixed in the peas, then ground some pepper over it all, and mixed that in, then crushed up some Ritz and put that on top, then put on some italian bread crumbs that I had left over, then some cheese, and baked it for about 15 mins at 375. It was awesome; in fact, it IS awesome, since we have leftovers. 

So I have purpose in life once again. And we had a heat wave: 45 degrees outside!!!!! It made me happy.

I like life right now.