Deep Thoughts, I suppose

Oh my.


Do you know what it's like to not have friends? At all? To be completely alone, no one to talk to, no one to be with? That's what it was in MI. Complete isolation. And I do mean complete. You really have no idea. But I am not getting into that.

But then, coming to college, and finally having lots of friends, and having people care about me, and having them acknowledge the things I do, everyone making me feel special, and loved, and liking me for me...it's one of the most amazing feelings in the world. 

I am so glad, though, for MI, because without those experiences, I wouldn't be able to appreciate these things as much as I do. I really am so grateful for trials. Unfortunately, it's not until after the trial is over that I recognise what a blessing it was. I really need to work on my attitude. I don't like that I'm ungrateful for those things that are good for me. Stupid natural man.



Be thankful for everything you have, good and bad. A lesson I still must learn.




And please, please, PLEASE appreciate nature!! Too often its beauty is wasted. Take 20 minutes, go outside, and just look. Look. Notice the small things. Notice everything together. Acknowledge it. Don't live life without enjoying nature every day. Please. It is so beautiful.

Chloe

Another novel for your reading pleasure: THE SEQUEL!!

Mmm. Can you hear the Beethoven? I can.

Started reading Les Miserables UNABRIDGED (yeah man) today.  M. Hugo is long-winded and opinionated, but also a good writer. 63 pages into it and the main story hasn't even started. I'm enjoying it.

Made stuffing, yams, and BREAD today. Recipe time? Recipe time.

Amish White Bread

From allrecipes.com

2 cups warm water (110 degrees F)

2/3 cup white sugar

1 1/2 Tablespoons yeast

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

1/4 cup vegetable oil

6 cups bread flour

In a large bowl, dissolve the sugar in warm water, then mix in yeast. Allow to proof until yeast resembles a creamy foam. 

Mix salt and oil into the yeast mixture. Mix in flour one cup at a time. Knead dough on a lightly floured surface until smooth. Place in a well-oiled (cooking-sprayed) bowl, and turn dough to coat (just spray it with cooking spray). Cover with plastic wrap. Put in a warm place, and let rise until doubled, about an hour. 

Punch down dough. Knead for a few minutes, and divide in half. Shape into loaves, and place into two oiled-and-floured 9x5" baking pans. Put in warm place, and let rise for 30 mins or until dough is 1 inch above the sides. 

Bake at 350 degrees for 30-45 mins. 

I have a previous post with a bread recipe, and I added in a whole bunch of tips and stuff, but I say you just have to try it, and learn for yourself. If I added in all my tips, tricks, and things I've learned, it would be four times as long, and wouldn't make much sense. So go ahead and just try this! If nothing else, it will taste good. 

Other stuff:

I got.......TEXTING!!!!!!!!! I have completely conformed, given in, gone mainstream. But who cares? It is fun!!! I can bug anyone at any time now (unlimited, man!)!! And my dad sent me videos and photos from home. I've watched them a lot. I was reminded of one of Joseph Smith's letters to Emma, where he says something like, "I've read your letter over and over. It was a sweet morsel to me." If you want to know what he actually said, look in lesson...21 (?) of the Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith book. It's about families or something. Comes right before the lesson about the millennium or different kingdoms or whatever. Those videos and pics were such small morsels, but oh so sweet. Two weeks!! I can't wait to help my mom, and see the cats, and drive places. I've become SO much more independent in college, and so I'll finally be able to go to stores by myself and not be scared. And since gas is cheap now, I can do it!! I'm gonna explore! I'm gonna enjoy life! Man, I'm stoked. But I'll miss BYU-I, and the spirit there. 

I don't know if the world's decided to conspire against me, but recent devotionals, church lessons, and talks have made me want to have kids. Before college, I was SO against having kids. I thought my life would be over. I still don't know if I'll have much of a life after kids. But this one devotional especially made me so excited. No me recuerdo who the speaker was. It was  a GREAT talk though, all about how being a mother, having families, etc. is the main reason why we're here; how raising kids is REALLY important; how it's so rewarding. It's what everyone says, so it must be true. And so I'm looking forward to it (after I graduate, claro que si). This has also made me want to prepare. If I'm gonna be a good mom, I have so much I need to work on. Selflessness, patience, caring, understanding, tolerance, confidence, self-esteem. So thank goodness I have at least four years to prepare. I definitely need it. And I'm planning on starting in my immediate family. Helping mom, working on getting along with the sibs, helping with Thaden. Ooh, I love this song...concerto...whatever. Tchaikovsky. 

So college is a time for preparation. I'll do it. I'm able. I'm willing. I've got nothing better to do, so why not work on eternal salvation? :D

Well, life is fun. Life is good. Life is awesome. I love life. I love lamp. And that's all there is to it. 

Man, I don't know why, but I LOVE PIANO!! And I cannot say it enough. Bear with me. Or maybe bare with me. We have a right to it. You know, second amendment and all that.

I wish it were tomorrow. I want to feast. I didn't eat much today, and didn't have dinner, and I'm not eating tomorrow until dinner. It's gonna be great! Food tastes the best when you're starving. 

Meh. I think the earlier I go to bed, the later I get up and the more tired I am. Seriously. I went to bed around 1am the first night I was here, and got up at 8 and was all fine and dandy. Then I went to bed around 12, got up at 8. Then 11-ish, got up at 10. Then last night I went to bed around 10 (!!) (yeah, I know!!) and got up at 9, but definitely could have slept in more. Maybe my body's been storing up all the times when I've not slept, and is cashing in. Well, I don't care. I'm staying up tonight.

Me mum's been introduced to the Twilight series...by me...tee hee. I called her Monday night after I saw the movie.

"Hey Beautiful!!"

"Liar"

"No I'm not. Go run down to my room RIGHT NOW, grab Twilight, and start reading it. Then give it to Giselle and let her read it. Then go see the movie with her and Aurora. Seriously."

"I can't right now (blah blah blah and other mom excuses)"

"Then go have Giselle go get it. I'm not getting off the phone with you until you have it in your hands and have read the first chapter."

Giselle gets the book, I talk to Giselle while mom reads. I give Giselle specific instructions to make sure mom reads it and does nothing else, and after mom's done, to read it herself. In school, if necessary. Then I tell her I'm calling back every hour until it's read. Mum said she'd only read the first chapter right now, then read the rest later. Ha ha ha. For those who've read the book, you know you can't put it down, and if you absolutely have to, you burn with curiosity and a NEED to read until you get back to it. And my mum's especially bad at this. We both are, actually. When a book is good, then kids, food, sleep are all put on hold while we read.

I called back about an hour later. Mom didn't answer.

"Is mom reading?"

"Yes."

"Good. Where is she?"

"I dunno."

"Okay. Make sure she keeps reading!!"

I called back another hour later. Mom answered. She was putting Thaden to sleep or something, so she couldn't talk. Then I told her ha ha, of course she couldn't just read the first chapter, and that I'd call at one to make sure she was still reading.

"No, I need to go to bed, Chloe. I really do. I'm sick" etc, etc

Around 12am mum calls me. Tee hee!!

"Jerk"

"Told you it was addictive!!"

"Yeah, but I really need to go to bed."

"No you don't, you need to read."

"No, I need to go to bed."

"No, you need to read. I'm calling at one to see where you are."

"No, really, don't. I need to sleep."

I didn't call back, but found out today that she read until 4am. My dad was on call, so he wasn't there to tell her to go to bed. She said she would have read until the sun came up, but Thaden cried, so she had to take care of him. Tuesday, she was on the second book, and today, she started the third book. I think she said she has about 200 pages left. Heck yeah, that's me mum!!! I love her!! I am a jerk, though, because I knew she'd stay up reading it. But they're awesome books. They need to be read. Aurora went and saw the movie today. Said she didn't like it that much. Well, she can go suck eggs with Jane Austen. Speaking of eggs, devilled eggs are delicious, and speaking of devilled eggs, we're having them tomorrow!! I'm excited. Bring on the cholesterol!! Did you know there's about 83% of your daily cholesterol allowance in one egg? And about 75 calories. Fun fact!!

I can't stop picking my fingers, and they're all bloody. Stupid me.

My right foot offendeth me with its ugliness. I should cut it off.  :D 

It would be so weird that if right now, something crashed through the window and killed me. 

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. urbandictionary.com

bakeorbreak.com

bakerella.blogspot.com

cookiemadness.net

thepioneerwoman.com/cooking

cakespy.com

All awesome sites. If nothing else, go to thepioneerwoman.com/cooking. I love that site, and not just for the cooking. That woman seems awesome.

Raspberry. Gnat. Gnome. Pneumonia. Diarrhea. Gonorrhea. Weird. 

FLATULATE!!!

HORROR. I'm bored. I wish it were tomorrow.

Does anyone know 1337?

And out of curiosity, how many people actually read my blog? Leave me a comment. 

For lack of anything better to do

I have "Claire De Lune" on repeat

I have to read 7 articles for school. I don't want to. SO I'm coloring in my anatomy coloring book again. I'm learning about the anterior regions of the body. Head- frontal, buccal, mandibular, orbital, nasal, oral. Neck- anterior cervical, lateral cervical, supraclavicular (fun word). Thorax- pectoral. Abdominopelvic- inguinal, pelvic, pubic, groin, pudenal, perineal. Upper Limb- something, axillary, brachial, antecubital, antebrachial, carpal, palmar, digital. Lower Limb- coxal, femoral, something, something, something, tarsal, something, digital. Haven't memorised them all the way. Fun, though.

I had a really weird dream last night. Actually, all my dreams are really weird.

I hate writing essays when I'm not passionate about it.

I hate being forced to be creative.

I love my watch.

I love watermelon. That has nothing to do with anything.

I have started every paragraph with the word "I". So self-centered, and on my own blog, too! You know what's lame, though? I actually feel bad for talking about myself so much, even though it is my blog. It's stupid. I'm stupid. 

And now, a question: is it worse to be sick, or to feel and be fat?

Twilight and Anatomy

 

 

You guys should know me well enough to know that I don’t just “go along” with things. I have my own opinions. So when I say something’s good, I mean it. And when I rave about things, that’s only because it’s REALLY good. And I never ever rave about things. And I never obsess about things, like a little tween. Ever. I’m not lame like that.

So with that said, let me just get into it: EVERY ABLE PERSON MUST GO SEE TWILIGHT!!! For those of you lame enough to not have read it yet (and you know who you are) GO READ IT!! Seriously, it’s not just one of those follow-the-crowd things. It’s like, the BEST romance novel in the world. (That’s right. Jane Austen can suck eggs)

Thoughts:

Bella. Bella was an idiot. I hated the girl they chose for her. She needed to be softer. She was too skinny. (They made Rosalie a bit chunky, which made me really happy). And she needed to wear not-so-tight clothes. She needed to just be more average. And she had one of those faces that looked like she was always angry or glaring or something. Her mouth was stiff.

Edward is the perfect little emo in this movie. It made me WANT him. Like, seriously. I thought he was freaking UGLY before I saw the movie, but he totally grew on me, as did the other characters. I realised that he was hot in the “supermodel” way, not in the typical “omg he’s hot” way. He played Edward PERFECTLY. And the part where he was playing the piano….!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the part where he was lamenting over his “monster-ness” to Bella…I was like, “Come to reality and we can hate ourselves together!!” AH! He is so emo!! And so hot!! Yeah, yeah: “It’s just a book, you idiot. Stop acting like it’s real.” I know. I know I know I know. I was saying this too. And I’m not acting like it’s real. But he’s so perfect, and this movie’s so perfect. Life just does not happen like that, and that’s how I know it’s a movie. But oh man, if life DID happen like that, and Edward WERE real, he’d be MINE, and he’d play piano for me, and let me stand on his feet while dancing, and compliment me, and make me love myself, and would protect me, and smile his SO HOT crooked smile at me (which the actor-dude did well also), and would be romantic, and would be emo at me, and would listen to classical music and be able to name the song (this part was so hot….listening to classical music). I’m gonna have to go see that movie at least ten more times before I’m satisfied.

I loved the music, loved the cast (minus bella; didn’t really like Charlie either, but he was okay), loved the feeling, loved the interpretation of it.

And that would be the best way to describe the movie: it’s an interpretation of the book. It’s not the same, and they add in some things, but it’s okay. Just go to it, expecting it to be bad, like I did, and you should at least like it, or appreciate it, or something.

 

In other news, I went to the Body Worlds exhibit. LOVED it!! Hearing about anatomy, seeing photos, is all cool, but seeing it like this is just…!!!!!!! I really want to dissect a real person now. And a fetus. I really want to dissect a fetus. I’ve dissected two hearts, and a cat (which was reeeeaaalllyy cool!! I’ve got photos at home, even!), but dissecting a person would be so awesome. Hooray for opportunities at college!!!

 

I’m having piano withdrawals. Poor me.

Life or Lifelike Thought

I'm at my grandparents' house. They went to bed around 8pm. Ugh.

They have no internet connection. So I searched for one outside the house. The only ones I could find had only one bar. Terrible connection, dreadfully slow. But it's unsecured (I don't need a password) and it works, and that's all that matters. 'Course, no one's on Facebook to talk to, but that's okay. At least I feel connected to the outside world. 

If things work out, I get to go see this exhibit called Body Worlds 3. I am STOKED!! I remember my anat & phys teacher talking about this exhibit; she said it was awesome, and I wanted to go. And now I get to!! http://theleonardo.org/bodyworlds/ <---- For those who've not heard of it

I have books. Books books books. And an anatomy coloring book. I really wish I had brought my medical terminology flash cards. I feel like studying them. 

Kat, wanna hear something funny/sad? The performance I went to on Friday was the same as the one on Thursday. I thought they'd play different stuff, but nooo. I could be chillin' with you right now. Oh well. "Come What May, and Love It." That's the talk, right? Learn to laugh. It is funny, when you think about it. But also sad. *shrug* Life happens.

I'm under a heated blanket. Heck yeah.

When the 'Mates Are Away, the Chloe Will Play

What to do when you're alone in the dorm, bored of packing, and without friends?

Search for flair on Facebook? Watch movies on YouTube? Read a book?

....Or hold a personal DANCE PARTAY?!?!?!

Yes sir, that's right. Moved all the couches out of the way, blared some music, and stripped down to my tank top. Danced around spasmodically, smoothly, stupidly. Let loose, enjoyed myself. HO-LEE COW it's fun! I would NEVER do this around anyone, but alone, it's a gas! The night is mine, as is the dorm, and I'm taking full advantage of it by doing something I never have the chance to do. Oh my goodness. If you've never just danced around in your house with the music up high and the blinds all closed and no one around, you've not lived. Go do it now. Holy cow. I've been missing out.

Medical terminology flash cards rule!

HAPPY!!!

OH MY GOODNESS!! Would you like to hear about my day? No? Then why are you reading this?

A list of all the awesomeness of the day:

*Had toast with awesome spreadable butter and apricot preserves (preserves are the way to go!!)- See previous post for rant on food. Don't judge me!!! I know I'm a fattie.

*Went to math class and it was easy

*Wrote in a brand new notebook- This is always exciting! 

*Bought tons of sweet stuff from the University Bookstore: 

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo- Unabridged!! 1000+ pages long! I'm stoked. I've only read the abridged version.

The Anatomy Coloring Book- I got too sick of not having a Bio class that I caved in and bought this

Medical Terminology flash cards- Another "I want a Bio class" thing. Also, I had a medical terminology class in 11th grade, and knew tons of prefixes, suffixes, and roots and stuff, but I've forgotten a lot of it, and that annoys me, so I bought these to practise with! I've already memorised 25!!

A really cool pen that looks like a syringe

Gospel Principles- My Book of Mormon teacher suggested this, so I bought it

*Had stuffing for lunch- I LOVE stuffing!! See previous post for rant on food. 

*Did science homework and put some effort into it

*Got Reese's Cups from the vending machine- See previous post for rant on food. 

*Practised piano for an hour

*Went to science class and surfed the net the entire time

*Studied repentance in the scriptures- It's kinda essential to my salvation, and I don't think I understand it or know how to do it, so I'm finding out how to do it right. Then I got way tired and just sat back in the chair and fell half-asleep. Then I got me a Butterfinger. See previous post for rant on food. Still a fattie.

*Went to BIO 199 and surfed the net the whole time- That class is also helping me to realise that I don't want to have a job, I want to be a stay-at-home mom

*Decided to skip my English class- I came home and baked instead!! Whoo!!

*Baked Pumpkin Gingerbread and Ginger Cookies- Thank you allrecipes.com! Delicioso!

*Had stuffing for dinner- I LOVE stuffing!! See previous post for rant on food. 

*Ate a buttload of the cookie dough- See previous post for rant on food. And I'm a fattie.

*Went to a Thanksgiving potluck "feast"- Wasn't really. Had a few mini-Reese's cups and some ham. See previous post for rant on food. 

*Went to see the BYU-I Symphony Orchestra featuring Jenny Oaks Baker- SOO FREAKING COOL!!!! It made me happy!!

*Played piano for two hours- After the performance ended at 9, I played hymns, and practised a bit with my left hand, straight from the hymn book. I told myself I'd leave at 10:45. I didn't get out of there 'til almost 11:30. I just could NOT leave!! I even left the room once, with all my stuff, then used the bathroom, then decided I'd walk past the rooms again to listen, and went back in and played some more. I LOVE!!!! the piano!!!!!!!!!!! I also practised singing the alto on some songs. And my new favorite song is "Come, Ye Children of the Lord" (#58). It's so fun to play, and all the parts are beautiful and fun to sing. I felt a bit self-conscious singing at first, but then I just didn't care, and enjoyed myself. And I was pounding on the piano sometimes. And talking to myself. But it was FUN!!! And there was no one in the rooms around me, so it was okay. And then on my way out I stopped to listen to someone playing the piano. When I finally did leave, I opened the door and was hit by a blast of wind. It was EXHILARATING!!! I just smiled so big, and sang to myself. I was blown around all the way home, and I was just bursting with something so far past happiness, but there are no words to describe it. I felt like running, jumping, flying, singing 'til my lungs burst, hugging someone or something, shouting, exploding, all at the same time. I still feel like singing 'til my lungs burst. I just wish I were better at singing so I don't have to worry about hurting people's ears.

I just feel...happy! I can't describe it. I wish I didn't have curfew so I could go let loose outside. Run around in the wind, or something. I want everyone in the world to disappear, and I want to go outside and just be myself, and let life happen for right now. I am happy. I am more than happy. I can't even describe it. I feel happy. I am happy!!! And I'm choosing it. I am choosing to be happy! It's my choice. I choose to be happy! I love life! I love people! I love everything!!!! Everyone should get to be this happy at least once in their life. It's just pure...something! I can't describe it!!!!!! Someone could punch me in the face right now and I'd still love them. They could insult me, degrade me, spit on me. I AM HAPPY!!!!!! I really want to go out right now and tell everyone!! I want to give everyone a hug and just pass it on! I wish I could express this. 

Well, my loyal blog followers, I could keep typing about this all night, but I won't bore your brains anymore. I'll go read scriptures instead, and make myself more happy!! Thanks for taking an interest in my life, and for commenting! It's greatly appreciated, and lets me know I'm not alone!! Love you all!!!

Chloe "George" Lammi

Another novel for your reading pleasure

EDIT: I was thinking that it may not be such a good idea to put names...Google and all that. So I edited it to be initials. Of course, the roomies may still see this, but whatever. I've only got to deal with them for two more weeks. And I need SOME outlet.

Eating corn again...

I went to the Snow and did homework, then piano for at least two hours. May have been more. I also went earlier today for about an hour. Fun fun fun! For some hymns, I can actually just play it straight from the book. It is SO cool! I didn't think I'd ever be able to do that. But I guess practising for hours each day will do that to ya. :P

Sometime before noon I took out trash (stinky) and when I came back I saw a couple of my friends, named E and C. We chatted a bit, not really meaning to hang out for long. But then E sat in the grass (it was a nice day today) and so us other two did, and we talked some more. Then we were joined by another girl who is my neighbor (but I don't know her). Eventually we went up to E's apartment and ate leftover gumbo and jambalaya (she's from Louisiana) and I made some bread from a can. I've never done this before; just talking to people and ending up hanging out for a while. It was fun and semi-spontaneous. And I really like C; I think we have a lot in common. She's a really nice girl, one of those who's always smiley and happy. Same with E. She makes me feel so good about myself. She's always nice and happy and friendly with everyone and can make a conversation out of anything. And C said I was awesome for teaching myself to play piano. That made me happy, but as always, I tried to brush off the compliment. Stupid.

Did you know that classes are actually interesting when you pay attention? Did you know you can actually learn?! It's amazing!! 

I really really really want a human bio class. I love that stuff. Regular biology's interesting too, but the most awesome stuff is human biology. Hence why I'm majoring in human bio. Go figure.

Yesterday I finally went food shopping. WHAT?!? Yeah, I know, but I only had two bags of fro'corn left. And lots of stuff for baking. So I got tuna and beans and cereal (ooh, cereal!!) and soymilk and bread and this awesome spreadable butter stuff and apricot preserves and canned peaches and apples and pomegranates and pomegranate juice ($4.99 for a small bottle- lame!) and canned bread and SPAGHETTIOS!! Yeah man.

11:10pm...I'm not gonna miss it this time!!!

Watching....

Oh!

Make a wish!!

...........

...........

........

Done!!

I've been trying to snag a wish for a while now, and I keep forgetting. I missed it on November 11!!! It made me so mad!! So I was just defiant and wished at 11:12pm. But it dinna work.

Okay, story: A girl, named R, had a game-night party thing one night. There was this guy there, named M, who said his cat had a facebook, and I thought that was hilarious, so I added his cat. Then he added me, and we talked on facebook a bunch. Then one night I needed a vent, and Mwas the only person I felt like telling stuff to, and the only person who'd be impartial and wouldn't freak out, so I told him, like, all of my secrets. And he told me his. And so we're friends, able to talk about anything and say anything, and it's awesome. But I had yet to actually hang out with him, so I was supposed to go over and play video games last Saturday (they have super mario brothers-who WOULDN'T want to play that?!), but he had homework. So I Facebooked him before I went to the store, and he came with me. So Facebook can be good sometimes! I'd never do the "I have no life" thing and become friends with some random person from halfway across the world, so it's cool. And then I had nothing else to do, so I went to his apartment and kinda played VGs, but I suck (I like to play, but I do suck) so I watched him and his roomie play, which is actually fun for me. And it's hilarious to watch guys when they play VGs. They get all focused and into it. 

Before I went to the grocery store, one of my roomies (I'm just gonna say initals now; it gets too confusing) K (she's the not-wash-dishes one) and I took my punkin experiment (they actually turned out okay--really dense though, not very flavorful, but not horrible. I ended up making cream cheese frosting and putting that on them, which really made 'em awesome) to my FHE bros apartment. When K found out that the one that she used to like wasn't home, though, she wanted to leave right away. Pa-the-tic. On the way home she was complaining at me, because she wanted to go see this OTHER guy that she "likes", but I needed to go to the grocery store (and it was dark) and so I wouldn't go with her, and of course she couldn't go alone, because then it actually would look like she's stalking guys. Which she is. But that's another thing. And on the way home I mentioned something about M and then all of a sudden she was saying how I was a "guy magnet" and how I'd already been on more dates than she (Uh, three? And the first two don't count-Craigless was an idiot. She's been on a date, so we're even) and how I had tons of guy friends (Yup. Two is a lot) and saying she was jealous and stuff. First: Stop stalking guys- it kinda freaks 'em out. Second: Get a better personality. You're annoying and fake around guys. Third: Get a new hobby. Focus on school or something. You're a FRESHMAN, for potato's sake. Every time I'm around her, she makes me feel like crap about something. I don't know if it's intentional or not, but it's way lame. Passive-aggressive fatwad.

Me mum said that gas is $1.80-ish in Michigan right now. WTF?! When I left, it was around $4.00!! It hasn't been below $2 in FOREVER!! 

You know what? You're not supposed to be healthy or dieting on Thanksgiving. The dishes are not supposed to be low-fat, low-sugar, low-cholesterol. You're supposed to enjoy yourself and eat until you've filled up your intestines, your stomach, and your esophagus. You're supposed to gain a pound or two. But this DOES NOT MATTER!! Life is too short to worry too much about fatness or thinness. Our thin culture really sucks, and I wish it didn't matter so much. I wish people cared more about personality than weight. I wish the girls around the dorms wouldn't talk about calories or fat or losing weight or clothes size or "healthy food" or exercise (unless it's for fun-but seriously, who the heck exercised for fun?). It just makes me feel like crap, and makes it so I can't enjoy my food. I want to be able to eat twenty thousand cookies if I feel like it, and not have to worry about whether people will still like me. I don't want my worth to be based on the size of my jeans. I don't want to have to stay away from the "bad foods" because "they're bad for you". And the doctors aren't helping either. Yes, we know being morbidly obese is bad. But being a bit overweight is okay. It's good to enjoy food, enjoy life. It's good to snarf everything in sight sometimes. It's alright to not worry about calories or eating healthy. No, it's not good to just eat candy. But it's okay to eat some every day instead of once a week. I hate fashion models, who make us all feel like ugly, worthless fatsos. I hate society telling us we need to be thin to be liked, to be pretty, to be popular, to be perfect. I hate that there's a "right size", and a "right BMI". I hate that it matters so much. 

I want to go play the piano now. But I cannae. 

I want to go bake something. But I cannae.

I want something different to happen.

I want something exciting to happen.

I want to find joy in the journey, but it's so hard sometimes, when everything's so monotonous and unchanging. Routine. Scheduled. Bo-ring.

I wish I weren't so negative and annoying. I don't want to complain, but if I didn't, I'd become poisoned from everything that I didn't say. 

Well, my Sister P, I hope you had a fun ten minutes reading all that poo! :) Love ya, and thanks for reading!! And if you didn't get down this far, I understand. I don't think I'd want to read all that either.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhg (That means "blog" in boredspeek)

I'm going on a Facebook fast. I refuse to be one of the fat losers who spends all day on there because they have no one to hang out with. That goes for the computer in general, actually. And if this fast means that I'm gonna be melting with boredom, well, so be it. But I'm not gonna be a fat loser.

I just spilled salt on the carpet. On purpose. Why? Because.

Bad luck for me!

Thanksgiving's in a week, and I'm the only one not excited. Stupid apathetic girl.

Corn is delicious.

The conference ensign came yesterday. I was very happy. I've been wanting to read the talks (in print; online reading is lame) since conference.

Corn is especially delicious with salt. But not salt that was spilled on the floor. 

This morning I felt like baking, but I had only 1 1/4 cup of sugar left. I could have just reduced the sugar in the recipe that I had, but I felt spontaneous. So I mixed the sugar with a bit of oil (instead of butter), then added a buttload of punkin (not pureed, but cut up with scissors! 'Twas fun). Then I added more brown sugar than punkin (sooo much), then salt, punkin pie spice, cimmanon, baking soda, baking powder, a titch of sour creme (yeah, that's right: "Creme"), un huevo, and 3ish cups of flour (I kinda just dumped some in). Then I mixed it up, and decided I'd try to bake the resulting mush like cookies first. They were moist. But something was off. I couldn't waste whatever it is I had made, so I poured it all in a 9X13 pan, and it's baking-or something-as I type. Who knows what it'll look/taste/smell/sound like? It'll probably be disgusting. Tee hee. I had fun with it, though. And that's what matters!

The posts with pictures are always more readable. So here's a picture:

O

Corn!

Yeee-up. Corn corn corny corny corn. 

Sunday night I sat in the bleachers in the dark in the cold and looked at the stars. I would have fallen asleep but I was freezing to death. It was still an hour 'til spanish stadium singing started, but I didn't want to go all the way back to the Snow, so I decided to go under the stadiums and see if there was anywhere warm where I could take refuge. There are bathrooms under there, and I just prayed that they'd be heated (I wasn't literally praying, stupid). They were. Oh, they were. I used the bathroom, almost falling asleep on the toilet, then lay on my stomach on my jaquet on the floor and was writing in my notebook. I fell asleep. 

I woke up just as spanish stadium singing started. I went outside and listened. All of the songs that they sang were songs that I love. Then that was over and I moved in closer for the english one. I was by myself 'cuz Kat was at a friend's house, so I squished in by a wall so I wouldn't be by myself in the open. Then these majorly obnoxious, rude people came in and crowded me up against the wall. One of the dudes was a butthole and was being really rude (not to me, but in general). I just tried to ignore it. This week we sang primary songs, including the suuun-BEAM! song, and the Popcorn song, and the Snowman song. Oh, and Book of Mormon Stories. It was funny to see everyone doing the actions. I'm glad that college students aren't "too mature" to do stuff like this. 

I took The Thing out of the oven. It looks okay, but I have no idea what it'll taste like. 

No quiero ir a clase.

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IGNOMINIOUS

Next time you have nothing to do, go read Alma 5, and ask yourself those questions. It'll be fun! (really?)

Four weeks 'til school's over. I'm sad. I'm gonna go home where I have no friends and nothing to do and be truly bored out of my mind. Getting a job won't help. And there are no jobs to be had in Michigan with its crap economy anyway. I'll be cleaning the house all day. Or indexing for family history (shudder). And (to put it nicely) I am not fond of the ward in MI. 

I wrote on my hand ayer and woke up this morning with a perfect mirror image of the writing on my face in several places. Nice, vibrant blue ink, even. It didn't want to come off all the way. Stupid me. But it was hilarious!

Orright. I've wasted enough time telling no one about nothing. So I'm going to go waste my life s'mmore. Summat. Gerroff. You slimy git. I've been rereading the Harry Potter books. Blimey!

Okay. Really. 

Now.

Now.

Goodbye.

For the Beauty of the Earth

 I went to see the New York Chamber Soloists last night and they were AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! They say you discover things about yourself in college. I've discovered that I LOVE music!! You hear all those emo kids saying, "yeah, music is my life." But I'm not talking about loving music in the sense that I always have an earbud stuck in my ear, screaming the latest Top 40 into my brain. I don't really know how to describe it. All I can think of to say is that it's beautiful and it makes me happy, but that's so inadequate and indescriptive. It's the only way I can think to say it, though. They're performing again tonight and I'm so excited!!!! After last night's performance, I played piano for a bit, and then started home. But I looked up, and the sky was PERFECT!!! Perfect shade of midnight blue, perfect round moon, perfect clouds. I laid down in the grass in the Spori quad and just looked at the sky. It was really windy and cold, but the sky was so beautiful, and no one else was appreciating it, so someone had to. I watched the thin clouds rush across the moon, and the moon reflected off of the water droplets and made a rainbow halo around itself. And the stars were so bright, and you could tell through glimpses in between the clouds that the sky was clean and clear and cold. So beautiful. I just lay there for ten minutes, enjoying a private moment with space. Does anyone else ever do this? Just appreciate life? Take a moment and notice everything around you. Life is amazing.

It's really pretty outside again. Big puffy cotton clouds with a clear blue sky. Crisp, but not biting, air. Pure, cold sunlight.

I woke up freezing, but in another good mood. My roomie stayed up too late watching shows on her computer, so she skipped class--AGAIN--and I didn't have to deal with her disgusting breath and patronizing-ness and easy irritability(we're in the same class). I swear I can feel hate arrows coming out of her and piercing me whenever I'm around her. It doesn't help that she never eats breakfast and isn't able to handle staying up late. She's been skipping classes a lot recently because she's been staying up too late. And prolly 'cuz she's lazy. Oh! Story: we usually don't empty the trash can until it's spilling onto the floor. A couple days ago I had moved the trash can from underneath a counter to right next to the stove, because it was more convenient. I asked, "it's alright if that stays there, right?" And she said,"no, it's okay, as long as we empty our trash more often! It's really annoying, guys!" This doesn't sound bad, but the tone in which she said it really bothered me. With just her tone she made it sound like SHE was the only one who ever emptied the trash, poor her, pity her. So not true though. But I still would have been cool with this if it weren't for one other thing: SHE NEVER FREAKING RINSES HER DISHES!!!! Either that or she puts them under the faucet for five seconds and calls it clean. And THEN she puts the dirty dishes in the same place as the rinsed dishes. THIS bothers me more than anything. This isn't just laziness. This is her being so spoiled at home that she doesn't know how to properly wash dishes. This is her thinking that the dishes magically get done, or that the dishwasher can scrub away layers of crap. So she complains about the trash can even though she leaves her dishes for everyone else to clean. Spoiled, selfish brat thinks that if she picks up a speck of dust it means she can complain about other people not cleaning. 

Now that I got that out, from now on I'm just gonna suck it up and do the dishes. I was thinking, "well, I'm not gonna be nice and do the dishes if no one else will, because that's just not fair." But I can't wait for the world to change and then change myself. I've gotta start it. If I want people to be nice and do their part I have to be nice and do my part first. Besides, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my bretheren, ye have done it unto me." It's like my mom said, "you're not cleaning up your sister's stuff for her, you're cleaning it to help me."

One of my roommates is picking her nose and eating her boogers right in front of us. She's trying to be sly about it. SO disgusting.

Well, that's the end of my thoughts for now. Ciao!!!!!

But it's COOL to disobey the honor code!

For the last few days I've been in a general "not-happy" mood. It was especially bad yesterday. I had no motivation to do anything, and didn't feel like being around people. I was feeling all alone and sorry for myself, and annoyed at life. 

But today I woke up in an okay mood. My first class was okay. I had more leftovers for breakfast (still haven't gone shopping- cranberry meatballs and punkin pie! Oh wait, I do have frozen corn and rice, but that's all). Then I went to the upper lounge and played piano. Now I need to do my paper, and math homework. Later I have classes, then there's this music thing I'm going to at 7:30, and I'm excited about that. My paper's due tomorrow and I only have half the words I need. It's stupid that we're required to use so many words. But I've already said that. 

Ayer I was at the Snow late at night, and I played the piano for 2-ish hours. I learned the right hand of "How Firm a Foundation," (SO many black keys!) and "Come, Ye Children of the Lord". I'm starting to really like a lot of hymns. It's cool.

One of my roomies brought a guy home with her last night after work. There were a couple things wrong with this. One, I was sitting in the living room in a tank top. Two, it was 11:30pm, twenty minutes to curfew, and the rules say that guys are supposed to be out by 11:45pm to give them time to get home. This is what miffed me the most. The dorms across from ours I have nicknamed "The Great and Spacious Dorm," because they don't follow the rules: breaking curfew, keeping guys over too late, being REALLY loud after quiet hours, wearing immodest clothing. Et Cetera, Et Cetera. We're supposed to be the good side. And I do NOT want OUR apartment getting the same reputation as the GSD. I mentioned curfew at 11:40pm, and again at 12:05am. But they were stupid and didn't listen, just kept on watching their movie, so I went to my room and tried to ignore the fact that they were breaking the rules big time and that I could and should have done something but didn't. I don't know when he left, but if I was hearing right, it may have been around 1am. Ticked me off.

And it's overcast and misting again- beautiful beautiful beautiful. If the weather just stayed like this for the rest of the time I was here, I'd be glad. 

No more procrastination. Homework time.

Rainrainrainrainrain

I LOVE IT!! I love it I love it I love it I love it I LOVE IT!!! Rain rain rain rain rain rain rain. 

I had to walk through the rain to get to my class, and it just made me happy!! My whole day has sucked, but this just made everything better. I love the rain. Makes me want to just lay down outside and get soaked. I love it!! 

Oh Procrastination, How I Hate Thee

It's a beautiful day outside. Perfect perfect perfect for walking around, just living and enjoying the outdoors. Also a perfect day to go play the piano. But I'm stuck inside, doing my paper that's due Thursday, having to write it all in three and a half days because I PROCRASTINATED. And I'm cursing myself. It's beautiful outside. This is the weather I live for. 

Freshmen.

Can You Spot the Difference? or WHERE'D THE HAIR GO?!

It's 3:40 am. I'm in a spontaneous mood. I see scissors. We become friends. 

Then I realise that I ruined my hair.

Then I rationalise to myself: You had to do it at least once. And it was fun.

Yes....it was fun. And now I can officially say I've had a college haircut. Oh, how I love the early hours of the morning.

George Washington Carver

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah 

Last night was another Fun Thymes. Me N' roomies went out to eat at 6pm, then I left by myself at 7:10pm because I had a thing that started at 8pm and I had to be there at 7:30pm, ran-walked back to the dorm to grab my ticket, ran-walked to the Kirkham, met up with Kat, and we watched GRAND PIANOS LIVE!! (So mega-awesome. It was absolutely nothing like what I expected, more like Guitars Unplugged for pianos, but it was way cool.) It ended right at 9:25, and we ran out of the performance to go to the movies (the movie started at 9:30). We went to see The Dark Knight (Kat's first time, my second) and got there RIGHT AS the pre-preview commercials started. It was SWELTERING HOT in the theatre, so much so that I was feeling sick. I was exhausted and falling asleep near the end. The only parts I came to see were the parts with the Joker, because Dead Actor Guy played him SO WELL!! And then it was 12am-ish, and I stumbled home, three-fourths dead. I went straight to bed. I needed sleep. 

Woke up at 10am today, ate my cold leftover salmon from last night's dinner (I have no food, remember?), then made pancakes, because I have a gallon of whole milk that I bought to cook with, and I don't know what to use it on. I made waaay too many pancakes, and the one stares-at-me-when-I-eat roommate won't eat them. Jerk. I'll bet she won't even eat the dinner that I'm making for Sunday. And now, I'm gonna go to the grocery store, buy stuff for said dinner, bring the food home, and if I have money left over, I'm gonna buy some CDs. I doubt I'll have money left over, though. :( So I'll just have to withdraw more on Monday :) Let's see how long I can live on diet soda, eh? Food is for weenies.

So long and goodnight!

*FLUFF*

Have you heard the news that you're DEAD?

Okay, latest culinary awesomeness: Peanut butter bar things. Scotcheroos or some such. I had two recipes to choose from, but one needed rice krispies, which we don't have, and one needed graham cracker crumbs, which we also don't have. So I was sitting at the table, staring at my computer, being sad 'cuz I wanted to make something but couldn't 'cuz we didn't have the things I needed, and no substitues, when all of a sudden my brain is amazing and I remembered that I had cookie crumbs in the freezer. I jumped up (no kidding) all of a sudden, all excited, and yelled to my roommates that I had cookie crumbs. They paid no attention. So I used those, but I needed two cups, and only had one and a half cups of cookie crumbs. So I crushed up some pretzel sticks. And now, the peanut-butter bars are made, and I feel proud of myself. And thankful to Heavenly Father that He gave me these talents, of course. You know what? Just this second I was wondering whether Heavenly Father would send me the inspiration to use the cookie crumbs in place of the graham cracker crumbs, and I've decided that yes, He would do that. (Don't make fun of me.) He knows that I really felt like making something, and so He helped me remember that I had those. So all the credit goes to Him. That's just so...loving, that He would do something so insignificant like that, just to make me happy. I don't care what you people think, I think He helped me with that. Because I don't think I would have remembered those by myself.

And as a side note, don't throw those "useless" things away. You never know when you'll need them :D 

2 roomies at Walmart, one at class = blasting music from the computer into the apartment. A shadow of things to come during Thanksgiving break. Alone alone alone alone, for the first time since September!! 

[Insert funny, sarcastic ending here]

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

So last night I went on a DATE. My first real one since...ever. Oh, sure I went to junior prom, but that didn't count, 'cuz my sister set it up, and we weren't even really friends, and junior prom sucked. And then Craig...have you guys heard the Craig story? Well....

First day of school. After classes, I go to the gym. I can't find where the changing room is, and I ask this kid that I see if he knows where it is. But he says he's looking for it also. So we look for it, find it, say 'bye. I'm on the elliptical. See him as he goes to and from the weight room. An hour passes, I'm almost done, he comes up to me while I'm still on the elliptical. 

"Hey, uh, you wanna, uh, go on a date?"

 I'm like, what? But he's not ugly or fat, so I say, "Um, sure!"

 "Can I have your number?"

 I don't know it, so I give him my apt. number.

 "So, uh, when do you want to go?" 

"Umm...seven would be okay." 

 I finish, go back to the locker room, start home. As I'm walking home, I remember that we have FHE that night. So I say "Oh crap" to myself, and decide that I'll just skip FHE. After all, it IS my first date. So it's 6:45-ish. My roomies go to our FHE dudes' apartment. I wait. And wait. 'til 7:15. I leave a sticky note on the door, and go to FHE. Fast forward to Wednesday. I'm walking to the gym again after class. I run into Craigless. I find out he'd gone to a different apartment accidentally. So it was just a misunderstanding, a bad memory. Not a blow off. (although if he "liked" me enough to ask me on a date, how could he have not remembered the apartment number? Loser.) So we talk on the way to the gym, then set another date. i gave him my number, 'cuz i wrote it down (big mistake. now i have him listed in my phone as "Dont' Answer Me". Word to the wise- don't EVER give your number out to strangers. Especially strangers who ask you on dates). Fast forward to date night. My roomies decided to invite over one of our FHE bros (one of the roomies had/has? a crush on him) and get pizza and play games and stuff. So since Craigless' idea was to "i dunno, maybe go get something to eat?", i invited him over to do pizza and games with us. But FHE dude stayed just long enough to have a bit of pizza, then left, so I was stuck with Craig-o and nothing to do.  So then I ate my own dinner, and we sat at the table and talked about nothing interesting. I had to make the conversation. That's how boring he was. He's from alaska. A small, isolated town in Alaska. Without a McDonald's. WTF. What town doesn't have a McDonald's?! Anyways, I was bored, so I said "let's go out somewhere". Yeah. I was suggesting stuff. Lame. So we went to the MC and got some pints of ice cream and ate them there, and talked some more about nothing. Actually, I  talked about nothing, and asked questions. He just kinda sat there and was weird. And boring to death. But I pretended to have fun, and tried to trick myself that I was having fun. I wanted to be done already, but I don't know how to end a date, so we meandered around a bit, and we were like, "okay, what do we do now?" So he said, "wanna go to my apartment?" (oh, funny side-story: We were walking to his apt and I think we were talking about how much we loved BYU-I, and how we knew we were supposed to be here or something, and I remember this: "Yeah, my brother went here, and said he loved it. He met his wife in the first week he was there." I rolled my eyes mentally and thought to myself, 'yeah, real subtle, loser. What happened to tact? Or knowing a person first?'  I just laugh when I think about it.) So we get to his apt, and plop down on the couch. And watch football. And I'm still nice, and pretend to be interested, asking questions about how it works and such. I don't know how I ended it, I just know that I was glad when it was over. 

So he called me the next day to go to a demolition derby...two problems here. One: demolition derby?!?! What kind of girl wants to go to a demolition derby?!?!?!?!! Two: calling the night after the first date is just something you don't do. So I said no.

A couple days later I was thinking about it a bit more, and decided that Craigless was just boring. He just had a boring personality. Not fun. Not funny. He came to my apartment one night after he had gotten out of class on some Thursday, prolly, like, a week after date #1, and asked me on another date, and I said yes, even though I didn't want to. Thought I'd give him another chance. When the night came to go on a date, it felt like a chore. I didn't want to go at all. Once again, he had no idea what we were gonna do. Somehow we ended up going to his apartment complex's lounge, and we played a couple games of pool (neither of us knew what we were doing), a couple games of foozball, and a couple games of battleship. It would have been okay if he weren't just a lump. He didn't talk! He just laughed his annoying laugh. You KNOW a date is bad if I'm the one making most of the conversation and asking all the questions. So I eventually ended it by saying I was tired (i was) and earlier i had told him that i wanted to be back by nine 'cuz it was saturday before church or something. i was actually tired; i stayed up late the night before. And it was close to nine. So he walked me home. I either kept my phone off or left it on silent for a while after this. (cruel, cruel. But I don't have good coping strategies when it comes to people. So there.) A month or so later (I actually don't know. Time is weird here. It may have been longer, it may have been shorter) I was with roomies at some flag football thing. Phone rang, nonlabelled number came up. I answered, t'was Craig-o.

 "Hey, uh, haven't talked to you in a while." You don't talk.

 "I was, uh, wondering if you wanted to go on another date." NO NO NO NO

 "Uh, sure."

 "Alright...how 'bout, um, tomorrow?"

 "I'm busy tomorrow." I really was. It was a hectic week. 

"Um, heh, alright, what about Friday?"

 "I'm doing something else on Friday" I was.

 "What about Saturday?" 

"Noooo, I'm waay busy on Saturday." And I was. Like I said, hectic week. 

"Alright, what're you doing next week?"

 "I have no idea. I never know what I'm doing for the week until I'm already into it." True also. "Alright. How about I just call you sometime next week then?" 

"Alright" 

"Alright. Heh. Well, talk to ya later then..." 

"Yep! Bye!"

 "Bye..."

He didn't call back. Thank goodness. I'm a bad  person...

Where was I....Oh, right. So I don't count those as dates. But last night (I guess it's two nights ago now, since it's one AM!) me n' date went to Subway and then swing dancing, and it was actually fun! I felt way self-conscious when I was swing dancing, but it was still good. 

Hmm, other random stuff...

I made a pumpkin roll today. With cream cheese frosting filling. My roomies and neighbor assured me it was good. I overcooked the cake a bit, and the frosting filling looked ugly, but whatever. If they liked it, I'm happy. I'm gonna make pumpkin muffins some time, and pumpkin pie, and pumpkin pancakes. By time this month is over, our dorm's gonna hate pumpkin :D

But we share it with the world, so it's okay. Roomies take the stuff to work and class and neighbors and stuff. I'm wondering if they're giving me enough credit, though....I need to be known for SOMETHING. And baking is all I know, 'specially since I killed my nails. Maybe I'll get my hair done again. Or maybe just give up and fade into the background as before.

Tonight I went to a performance in the Snow building put on by a club called "Piano Improv Workshop". It was SO AMAZING!! Everything they played, they made up right there. It was soooo amazing. I asked if I could go to the workshop (every Thursday), even though I've never played an instrument and could only recognise a few notes and have never played the piano. They said yes. So I am going. And then I went to my favorite piano and played "Lead Kindly Light" and the soprano and alto of a couple other hymns, and the only song I actually know: a simplified version of Canon. Then I actually communicated with the piano for a little bit when I played some random stuff, trying to convey my emotions. It sucks; I can hear the piano calling, and it tries to tell me things, but I can't understand its language, except briefly for a VERY few occasions. But when I do connect, and understand, and communicate, it is so beautiful, I can't even describe the feeling. I can't wait for my class next semester. And maybe they'll teach me stuff at the improv workshop. I hope so. And then today there's a thing called Grand Pianos Live. I'm so stoked. It's gonna be awesome.

Saturday I'm going to Walmart to buy a couple of CDs and then to grocery store to buy groceries with whatever money's left. I have no idea what to buy, though..the only really cheap things are food that's bad for you, like Ramen, less than a dollar for eight or something, but 190 cals and too much fat for 1/2 the package. So 380 for the whole thing. And it doesn't even fill you up. Then there are those disgusting fake-food frozen Banquet meals. I could just eat a can of tuna for a meal, I guess. But that'll get boring really fast. So it'll be fun to see what I do.

On Sunday, there's stake conference, and I'm singing in the choir (they sound so awesome. I'm excited). Then I'm making CRANBERRY MEATBALLS for dinner, and those are SOO good. Kat's coming to eat with us. It'll be a blast. And then there's stadium singing, claro que si!

I have ANOTHER 1500 word paper due on Thursday, a critique. How do I make a critique be 1500 words?!?!? Crazy english teacher. He's way cool though. A really nice old guy. I like him a lot. But this one-semester english class is gonna kill me. OH!! I did get an 82% on my english test that I took on Tuesday. I was stoked. Maybe I'll actually pass that class with more than a D. That's more than I can say for math, though. I got a lovely 64% on my last test. It was on finances and crap. Husbands do that stuff. Not women. Women cook. Women clean. Women take care of kids. Husbands earn the money and budget and do finances. And if I don't get married, I'll.....be a hobo. They don't have to worry about finances. So there. 

I was so out of it last night when I was writing in my journal. My brain just shut off, so I closed the journal, put it on a shelf by my bed, and went to sleep. I think I was asleep before I even hit the pillow. I don't even remember. I woke up the next morning to find that I hadn't even gotten under the covers. XD I must have been waay dead. And I stay up late again. Stupid stupid stupid. 

My mum sent a package last Monday, and it came yesterday. :D It had scarves, hats, gloves, my recipe book (YES YES YES!!! I CAN COOK NOW!!! I'm psyched!!), church boots, not-ugly tennis shoes, four church books, and a birthday card that made me happy and sad. I wish I were going home for Thanksgiving. But after Thanksgiving break, there are only two weeks left of school, and then it's home for Christmas break. I know I'm gonna be sad to leave this place, though. There are so many things that I'm gonna miss: the Snow building and the variety of musics that come out of the practise rooms, and the pianos in the building that are free for anyone to use, Music Outlet, Stadium Singing, my ward, church choir, walking to the grocery store because you have to, not 'cuz you want to, my Book of Mormon class, the shows that the college has, my freedom, my independence, the Spirit of Ricks, my roommates, my neighbors, staying up unhealthily late, the Spori quad, being able to walk wherever you want whenever you want (within curfew, of course), modesty in language and dress, people's kindess, everyone having nearly the same standards, the Honor Code, my bishop, the Hinckley building, the Gardens, DI...so many things. All just to go see my family....I don't even know if my baby bro remembers me. He can say everyone else's name, and he's learned so much.

It's 2:41 now.

My computer has something wrong with it, my camera has something wrong with it, and tonight I broke the bulb in my bed light. Now I just need to break an arm or leg.

I'm so tired but I hate sleeping. There are so many other things I really want to be doing right now.

I still love pianos, and am so glad I could go to the Piano Improv performance. I just can't get over how cool it was! They were so talented, and so kind, and they seemed like such fun people. And I fear I'll never be able to play the piano well. I really want to play Chopin's stuff. It's so full of emotion. I'm listening to his Nocturne #2 right now......so beautiful. SO beautiful. It's my absolute favorite song for the piano that I've heard so far. I love that bittersweet sound.

One of my roomies is passive-agressive. She's rude in a girly, manipulative "oh, sorry, didn't know that would make you mad. no offense" kind of way. Girls. Emotions. Both useless. Both necessary.

It's so dry. The inside of my nose hurts.

I'm tired. I hate sleeping. It's not even three. I just want it to be Saturday. I want those CDs. 

For any of you who actually read this all the way through, CONGRATS!! I just wasted several minutes of your life. 

Orright. Can't drag it out any longer. I'm gonna collapse. Tiempo para dormir. 

'night y'all.

Chole Lammy

Sing Like You Think No One's Listening

I feel weird, like I'm floating. It's cool, but it's disorienting. :P

I'm gonna burn out by time I'm 25. 

I made three different types of pumpkin cookie dough this morning, and for one of them, I divided it three different ways: I made it according to recipe the first time; I added more flour the second time (they were lookin' a bit flat); and the third time, I added chocolate chips. It was fun. But I still have SO MUCH PUMPKIN left!! All I can think of to make is cookies or bread.  

I had Chex again this morning. I had it for breakfast and dinner last night. It's either that or canned corn. Or I could eat snacks. Pretzel sticks. I'm thinkin' of making some more of Kat's awesome tortillas...in fact, how 'bout a recipe?!?

Kat's Tortillas

2 cups flour

1 tsp salt

1/2 cup water

1/4 cup oil

Mix it all together in a bowl in that order. Adjust water and flour as needed, until it's not sticky, and not dry. Cover bowl with a damp towel, and let sit 15 mins. Divide into 2-inch-ish balls, and flatten them with a rolling pin or some other flattening device. Cover tortillas with a cloth as they're made, 'cuz otherwise they'll dry out.  Heat a skillet or a pan or something to high, and put a bit of oil in there, or spray some cooking spray. Wait until it's hot, then put a tortilla in it. Cook for...maybe 30 seconds? on each side. You'll be able to smell if it's overcooked :)

Enjoy!

Chloe

Another Cog in the Murder Machine

I FINISHED MY PAPER!! 

Actually, I'm 75 words short. But what I've written has taken all of my brainpower, and then some.  I just am not good at writing essays. I say what I need to say, then I'm done. I don't flower or use fifty words when three will work. 

Now I just have to read 9 pages before 12:45, the devotional scriptures before 2, study for and take a math test before 4:30, print off my paper, study for an english test before 4:30, take said test, and I'm good! .... X(

The stress ends tomorrow at 4:15, when my american foundations class ends (in which i have another test that i still need to study for) and starts again at 4:30, when english class starts, and when we'll be informed of our NEXT 1500 word paper. Glug.

I think I'm allergic to writing essays. I think the essays that I try to write are allergic to me. I think diet caffeine-free mountain dew tastes good. 

Poooooooooop. Okay. I'm gonna do my homework now. 

(And still she procrastinates?! Psycho-lady.)

Wheat Chex and Soymilk

I hate that it gets so dark so early. Then it feels like you're not allowed to do anything. But I really wanna go somewhere. But there's nowhere to go. And I need 377 more words for my essay. And I need to take two tests tomorrow. And I don't know if I have math homework. I need....a break. 

But I made Baklava for the first time for FHE tonight. Everyone said they liked it. I also made pumpkin bars this morning (because of the massive amount of pumpkin I have that needs a-usin') and took those. I don't think my roomies like to eat the stuff I make. At least, one doesn't.  But she's a freak. We still have some pumpkin bread and some pumpkin seeds. 

My nails are gone, so it's easier to play the piano. It's way awesome. I almost have "Lead Kindly Light" (#97) down. Well, no, I know the parts, but putting them together makes my hands go slowly.

I hate these lulls.

Nothing Is Real

Hey, I found this draft. I think I was out of it when I was writing it. Which is why it was saved as a draft, and not posted. I must have just closed my computer and zombied my way to bed.

Hummmmmm......haven't posted in 4eva.  I cut my nails...actually, I ripped them all off :)

I made my pinky bleed. And now I have short nails. But I can "play" the piano better!! I'm excited about that. The only other problem is that now, I have absolutely nothing to set me apart from the masses. I am, as the blog proclaims, "averagechlo". Nothing special or outstanding, unless it stands out how plain I am.

I have a paper due Monday, a paper due Tuesday, two tests on Tuesday, and a test on Wednesday. It's stinkwad supreme.  But I'll survive. 

My computer was being all stupid, but it's okay-ish now. It started tonight: whenever I'd turn it on, it would give me a black screen that said "blah blah blah blah reseat your memory". I didn't know what to do, so I called Mom (at 11pm my time, 1am their time :D ). Thank goodness she was still up painting. So she woke up Dad, and he took a couple minutes to be coherent, and then he tried to help me but couldn't (His expertise is in macs. He worked for Apple for some years), and then looked for a number for customer support at Dell. I called them, and they were actually really helpful, but in the end I needed to unscrew the back of my laptop to "reseat the memory" (take it out and put it back in). I don't have any tools at all, so I was kinda bummed, but then I thought one of my FHE bros might have mini-screwdrivers (he did) and he was awesome enough to drive down to my dorm to drop them off with 10 minutes left until curfew was over. I found one that worked, unscrewed my laptop, readjusted, figured out how to put it back in, and screwed my laptop back together. I turned it on. It didn't work. So I repeated that a couple more times, then I prayed, then did it again, and it still didn't work.  But I found something online that said something like, "I had bad memory and I removed it and my comp worked". So I removed the memory, and my comp worked!! I prayed again (always give thanks right after, or you'll forget!!). Now I know that the memory is being stupid. But why is it being stupid? Why all of a sudden? Either I have a virus, I damaged something (doubt it), or one of my roomies stepped on my comp or something. But they wouldn't tell me if I did. And while we're on the subject of not telling, MY ROOMIES KEEP STEALING MY FOOD!!! I was almost 3,000% positive that the diet sodas that I JUST bought were being stolen, and I have proof!! Whenever I drink a soda, I pull off the tab that you use to pop it open (I'm collecting them :P ), and I found one in the trash that DIDN'T have the tab off. Isn't it enough that I bake for them all the time? That I spent all my grocery money on baking stuff? But now they're not eating the stuff I baked for them, and I (being the stupid paranoid idiot jerk that I am) feel like they're doing it on purpose, like they know that there's lots of calories in it, so they won't eat it. I know. Illogical, irrational, unlikely. But that's what I think. I also think one of my roomies won't eat in front of me, but that may just be me projecting: I'm afraid to eat in front of this roomie, because she STARES at me and tries to see what I'm eating (I KNOW that this isn't paranoia.) And then I feel like when I do eat in front of her, she gets this air of triumph, and has a noticeable improvement in mood, like she was just waiting for me to eat so that she could be like, "ha ha, you ate, and I didn't." And the stupidest thing is that she eats all these way high-cal, fatty, unhealthy foods, because I see the wrappers and boxes in the trash, but just not around me, I guess. And she's "overweight" or whatev. Fat. But there are so many subtle things that she does that just makes me wonder. And it may be all in my head, and I may be reading too much into it. But it's really bothering me. 

I'm tired all of a sudden. It's only 2:35.

I bought a 10-lb bag of flour on Friday, plus a buttload of other bakingstuffs. I am SO stoked. I LOVE LOVE LOVE baking!! I'm making baklava for FHE tomorrow. But I need to go buy nuts and brown sugar. And I need more yeast. 

Holy cow, I'm falling asleep sitting here. I need to STOP going to bed so late. And procrastinating. And eating right before I go to bed.