Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Singing, Stadium Singing, Accepting Compliments, and Wishing


Ever since I practised with the choir last Sunday (first time! I felt so self-conscious), I've had "Lead, Kindly Light" (#97) stuck in my head. Playing it on the piano doesn't help, and singing it makes it worse. Listening to it just makes me want to sing it. The choir is singing it this Sunday, and I half want to sing it with them, but I'd be afraid that I'd mess it up. I don't know if they'd allow me, since I just practised with them this one time. I'd also be self-conscious, singing in front of a whole bunch of people when I don't even think that I sing well. I don't want to embarass  myself.

Last Sunday, at stadium singing, we finally sang "CALLED TO SERVE" (#249). I had requested it via online posting and I wasn't sure if that board was checked. I guess it was though. I got SO excited when they showed the number we were going to sing. "Called To Serve" is my absolute favorite song in the world (but I'm considering putting "Lead, Kindly Light" right up there with it). We sang "Lead, Kindly Light" at stadium singing also, and "Onward, Christian Soldiers" (#246), another song I really like. I LOVE stadium singing SOOOO MUCH!!! I can't even describe how much I love it. It's the thing I look forward to the most. Right after it's over, I want it to be next Sunday. I LOVE STADIUM SINGING!!!!! This last time it was snowing while we sang, and it was cold, and that made it so much better somehow. I LOVE STADIUM SINGING!!!!

ANOTHER  thing I did last Sunday was to teach relief society. It was my first time teaching, and it was mother's day weekend, so the girls were there with their mothers. I think Heavenly Father made it so I wouldn't be nervous, because I wasn't that nervous. Until afterward. But that's okay. I could tell that during my lesson, I was guided by the spirit, and I hope the girls were taught by the spirit. They were all so quiet. And some were whispering to each other. But people did volunteer sometimes, so I'm glad. And I got lots of compliments at the end. But that was probably because I brought treats (those Pillsbury Halloween sugar cookies) and the girls had to pass by me to get a cookie. And because when the teacher brings treats, you have to compliment them on their lesson. That's one of those mormon rules. But in the part of me that carries my small amount self-esteem, I was remembering the compliments, and enjoying them. One mother said to me that she learned a lot about teaching from me. Lots of the girls just said that it was a good lesson and they learned a lot and that I did a really good job and that there were a lot of good insights shared. I wish I knew what they really thought of the lesson and of my teaching, and whether they learned anything. I hope I actually did teach them. I never trust people when they give me compliments, and if I do trust them enough to accept their compliment, I brush it off and assume that they're "just being nice". I really wish I knew. 

Sometimes, XX XXXXXXXX REALLY annoys me. XXXXXXX to XXX XXXXXXXX and  XXXXXXX at me XXXXX I XXX and such. Idiot. 

I really wish I could play the piano.

1 comment:

Danette said...

Hey, I was in the ward choir once and they didn't kick me out. I know there is no way in the world that you sing worse than I do so you should be safe to sing with them!