On Exhaustion

My "Nuevo Tango" radio on Pandora has somehow become seeded with "Cut Chemist" and other not-really-related bands. They're cool, but yeah. I now get Flamenco (I think that was from the "Rodrigo y Gabriela" seed) and some type of house music. Nu jazz, et. al.

So, today was terrible, but tonight was fantastic. Dancing just makes everything better. I was exhausted because I had to stay up all night (minus 2 hours) doing this stupid excel thing for one of my classes, so I was exhausted all day. I had my recital, and it was okay. I wasn't terribly nervous, as I usually am. But I just wanted to dance. So straight after the recital (which ended around 8:15), I ran to the MC, where ballroom workshop started at 8. They were learning viennese waltz. Good times! So I learned the viennese waltz. Or rather, the basic step. My partner was a nice dude, and not a severe beginner, but not a pro either (but neither am I, so it's all good). I wish he was a better leader, and picked up on the steps more quickly, but he was a nice guy. Fun to socialize with. Near the end, the instructor taught us what he called a "gold level" step (really difficult or something), and we learned it in like the last 2o mins of class. As we were dancing, he was giving some instruction, or talking about something, and he said of me, "I've been watching her and she's actually very good!" And in front of all the class, too! I was so flattered!!!!!! Dancing compliments are the best!!!!

Last night, I was only able to go to swing dance for an hour, and I only got asked to dance three times (twice by the same dude-he's a nice guy), but the really good blues dancer guy, the instructor who gave me the compliments, asked me to dance. I had been sitting, exhausted, and resigned to watch the dancers, because only the people who were really good at dancing were being asked. So I was being all tired, and he asked me what was up, and I expounded upon my tiredness. But we danced, and it was fun, because he's all about improvisation and not just vanilla lindyhop. He told me that I had gotten really far, improved a lot, in just one semester. It made me happy. At the end of the dance, another of the really good dancers (who is actually in collegiate dance, I found out this last Saturday) who has danced with me before and said I'm fun to dance with, came up and sat by me, and we chatted a bit. But after the end prayer, I left, and gathered my things. The Blues Guy came over and wished me a better weekend, and then offered me a ride. I was supremely grateful, because I was tired and had loads to do and didn't want to walk home.

Other random things that happened today:
*I was studying in the Romney and some dude walking down the stairs leaned over the railing and said, "Good luck with whatever you're doing. I hope you do well!" And I said thanks. It made me smile.
*My harp teacher is impressed about a song I can play, and that I can do harmonics
*I found a ride to UT for tomorrow!
*I was able to take a short nap in the sun, and get sunburned again.

Good times, all of them. I love dancing. I can't wait for next semester!

On Dancing Pt.2

"Everything" by Michael Buble. Good song. They played it last at the dance tonight.

So, I got three more compliments. I swear they're coordinating or something. I still don't believe them. Methinks what they mean is "you're better than the average person who knows nothing about dancing, and I'm surprised because you look like the average person who knows nothing about dancing."

During the instruction part of the dance, I was dancing with one of the instructors, and another instructor walks by and says, "She's good, isn't she?!" And then he looks at me and says, "You're up and coming!" I didn't know what to say; I was very flattered, and bashful. This instructor that walked by was the one who complimented me last week, and who I consider to be an excellent dancer.

Another guy said I was a good follow.

And the last guy I danced with said, "You're so good!" I've danced with him before, and he's good.

But I still don't fully believe all of them. I need to know who they're comparing me to. Am I good relative to that other girl who is here for the first time, or am I good relative to those who have been dancing for a long time? I wish I knew. Bother.

But yeah. Dancing is good.

I also got sunburned today!! It was fantastic! Sun does exist in Rexburg.

On Dancing

So, I've been told 3 times in the past few weeks, and twice tonight, that I'm a good follow. One of the times was at swing dancing, by a guy who I consider to be a fantastic dancer, and it's a huge compliment to get from him. The good dancers have been asking me more often the more I go, and it's awesome. Also twice tonight, I had people say I was fun to dance with. These are the best compliments I've ever received, and tonight, I just started believing the compliments. I still don't think that I'm that good of a dancer/follower, but I believe that they're telling the truth.

I love dancing. I love dancers. I love compliments. I love Wednesday thru Saturday. I LOVE DANCING!!!!!!

Good Friday Indeed

How does Sister do it? How does she balance flirting and flying? I want to be able to control boys, and have them wrapped around my finger, but also to have them know that I'm not theirs, that I'm out of their league. Perhaps I'm too nice. Or something. Gay.

I've been having such vivid dreams. The first in the line of 3 that I remember was about arranged marriage, where I was supposed to marry someone for some reason, and I felt a bit uncomfortable about it, but it seemed logical, so I was going to do it. Then we found out that the guy was supposed to be married to someone else, and it was a mistake with me, but luckily we weren't married yet because I didn't have a ring.

The next was about me, and I had migranes that made me think I was in an alternate reality instead of causing pain, and in this alternate reality I imagined that I had other powers. It wasn't really dangerous, but my friends and the doctors wanted me to get an operation to fix it. Brain surgery. But they couldn't perform it for some reason, so I had to wait, and continue, and either take the intense pain of the migranes, or do the alternate reality.

The third was that I was held hostage by a black man, and it had to end with either he or I dying. I escaped one day, and hid in a girl's apartment, and she gave me a large chocolate chip cookie. Then I knew I had to return to the black man's apartment and rescue my sister, because I knew that even though he wouldn't hurt her, she wouldn't escape on her own.

Weird dreams. Vivid dreams. They're interesting. I wonder if they are interpretable, or if they're just my mind having fun.

I worked out today. Rowing machine. Abs. It's a beautiful feeling to have your abs burn. Also, I danced tonight. Many songs. I dressed up and looked dang cute. I gained confidence. I asked a couple of guys.

The guy who asked me out on a date does have an interest, and I'm trying to not encourage it, but I want to get dance lessons from him. He really is a good dancer. I just need to somehow make it clear that I'm really not interested, I just like dancing with him. It'll be sad next semester when I don't have a steady dance partner that I know, but perhaps I'll be good enough by next semester that all the really good people will ask me to dance, and it'll still be super fun. Good times. I'm determined to become good at dance now. It's my new project.

Also: I tutor a guy on Saturdays who is SUPERDANGCUTE and I want him to ask me out. Though he would have to get a different tutor, because you're not supposed to date your tutees. I get to tutor him tomorrow. Ahh, cuteness. It's good times.

Today was a good day. I absolutely love dancing, now that I somewhat know what I'm doing.

Suggested Invention: Sleep Pills

Marginal productivity decreases significantly when the clock hits about 1 am. Then it continues falling rapidly until about 4 am, and marginal productivity begins to increase.

I'd better finish my homework. I still have to shower. My room's a mess because I have no time to clean it up.

I long for the weekend, but once it comes, a new week and a "do it all again" is closer. But so is the end of the semester. And on to my last semester! It doesn't feel like I should be done yet. Oh well.

I have an interest in a guy. But he likes my friend, so there is no point. He's a decisive sort of guy. Oh well. He likes music that I don't like, so we'd never get along.

I have blisters from playing harp. It makes me feel so hardcore. But it also makes me feel like a rookie, since it means that I don't play enough for me to have blisters.

See? Productivity is WAY down. Time to get on it.

Playlist: Deep Love live recording.

More of the same.

I am frustrated. Again. I find I have an interest in a guy, and guy likes girl who gets all the guys. I don't understand how this girl could be attractive to guys (looks and personality), and this time, I'm not deceiving myself, or exaggerating the truth. I really DON'T know how she is attractive to guys. And yet, she gets them.

My sphere is an obnoxious one, where nothing that enters and is what I want stays for very long. It will always be this way. I won't get what I want.

In other news, I'm tired. And I'm sick of complaining of the same thing over and over. I just wish it would change for longer than a couple weeks, or a month, or a semester.

But I have made a decision: I'm aiming for medical school. That's my career plan. The end.

RE: My inability to find a mate

Why'd I have to be an overachieving idiot and take many credits and work many hours in the best season of Rexburg, my last time in this season? I just want to play. I just want to have fun. And I can't. I'm an idiot. I could work less. But I don't know my budget.

You know what? I just want to be married. Then I won't feel like I need fun all the time, because I'll have my best friend with whom I can just sit down and pop in a movie and be perfectly happy.

Please. Please? I just sit inside my head and watch the daylight slip away.

Give me a break. I need a break.

I must be one of the weaker in the species, and so nobody wants to mate with me. My bloodline will die off. Boo.

Playlist:

Come On Feel the Illinoise! CD by Sufjan Stevens