So there's this cute kid in my calc class, and he's a mechanical engineering major. But he's cute. But he says he's a nerd. One point pending-he needs to prove the nerdliness.
I don't trust him, though. I don't know why.
In calc, there are more people than there are seats, so you take whichever seat you can get to. On Tuesday, he sat next to me, since that was one of the few available seats left. We talked a bit that hour. The next day, we were supposed to get a seating chart. I got there early, so as to secure for myself a desireable seat. And I did. There's this other kid in the class who may have a slight fancy for me (I'm not being conceited here-this is my blog, these are my thoughts, and I still feel I have to justify myself for my two-or-so readers) and he chose a seat to the left of me. Then the kid that I sat next to on Tuesday took the seat to the right of me. They both talked to me a bit during the hour. But then the teacher said we wouldn't be making the seating chart that day, which was a bit annoying- I wanted my spot secured instead of worrying that I'll have to sit in the back when I come to class. But anyway. Then today, I sat in the same place that I did on Wednesday, and Cute Kid sat to the left of me, and Kid #2 sat to the right of me. Kid #2 is almost cute, but his brow is too heavy. (That sounds funny). And his voice annoys me, as does the way he speaks. He's a physics major, which is awesome. Math-based people are my people for sure.
But yeah. I don't trust the Cute Kid for whatever reason. Maybe I am reading it right and he is sort of interested in me, and I'm just not used to having normal-type guys interested in me, so I'm cautious. Maybe my other theory is right, in that he may be sort of interested in me, but for selfish reasons (which I am familiar with). Maybe he's got a girlfriend and he's not interested in me, and he's just a flirty type. I'll definitely err on this side-- guilty until innocent, pessimism over optimism. It's safer. So I'm thinking either option two or three (most likely three), because based on past experience, and going along with Murphy's Law, and Le Chatlier's principle, the probability that option one is the correct assumption is very small. I love logic. It's so simple and analytical.
So that's the story. And I figure that this kid is somewhere around 24, 25. I sense a pattern emerging here. All the more reason to be on my guard. Stupid life. Stupid games. Stupid emotions. Stupid "supposed to get married". Stupid BYU-I culture. Stupid past experiences. Stupid everything having to do with relationships. I protest them. And honestly, if I could get rid of my emotions, and these retarded wants for a relationship, then I would. Oh, I would. You have no idea how much I would rather go about life completely objective, completely logical, completely cold and justice, than to be influenced by retarded, illogical, suppressible but not changeable emotions. Oh, how I wish it were possible.
But since I can't get rid of emotions, I figure that if I focus on school, focus on learning, and pretend that this is what I derive the absolute most joy from in both the short term and the long term, I will eventually be able to convince others and myself that I am perfectly happy without having to rely on socialness, particularly relationships, and then emotions will be incredibly supressed but never disappearing completely. It's undefined at that point, so emotions will get closer and closer to disappeared, but they will never reach that point. So the limit of emotions is zero (or gone, rather) as learning approaches infinity. 1,000 points to anyone who finds this humorous, not only because it's nerdly, but also because they understand it.
Imma go do homework now. LEARNING=LIFE!
