Look at us we're beautiful All the people push and pull but They'll never get inside We've got too much to hide

Happy April first, happy two weeks!!!!!

Did piano today; discovered Chopin's "Raindrop" prelude. It's fun.

I'm SO close to finishing my book of drawings. SO CLOSE!

My suitcase is packed, my things are sorted, I'm ready to leave and I'll not be thwarted.

Hail Rexburg, here I come; it's been too long and life's been quite dumb.

Bored I shan't be, when I return to thee. 

Oh gee. 

I think I'll pee.

I made a recipe with meat in the slow cooker (the only way I can cook meat and know it'll come out perfect) and it was WAY spicy. 

I have chocolate-chip cookie dough fro' yo' waiting for me in the freezer. Fun Fact: Chocolate-chip Cookie Dough ice cream is mum's fave ice cream. I used to hate it. Now I like it (but only in fro' yo' form; I hate ice cream- it just tastes like lard. Thick and creamy on the tongue- ew.) Mum's other fave kind of ice cream is Cookies and Cream. I still hate that kind. But I LOVE Mint-Chocolate-Chip. Ying.

Two weeks.

Two weeks.

Two weeks.

Two weeks.

Looovveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Learning, friends, bipolar weather. Exercise (but not the pointless kind). Shopping for yourself, by yourself. Going on walks wherever you want without informing anyone, just because you want to. Music Outlet. Snow building. Musical performances. Salt Lake City.

Oh holy. I miss it. And I can't believe I'll be back in ONLY TWO WEEKS! LOOVEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

I wonder what this semester will hold. We'll see, shan't we? :D

Cor, I'm stoked.

LOVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

To Chloe, from Life: One humongous kick in the face (It's a good thing)

Kat, I just finished Elder Stiner's emails. And I see exactly what you mean. Wow.

His unselfishness, his positive attitude (even with all that!), made me feel like such a spoiled, rotten, whiney butt, and it also made me want to be better. Why waste time complaining about things when you can change them? Life is too short. Read your scriptures, say your prayers, tell your family you love them. Don't listen to bad music or watch bad shows. Don't waste time. It's so simple...I just love the gospel, and how true it is, and how it makes everything clear. I'm so thankful to Heavenly Father for being so patient with me, especially when I know better. ESPECIALLY when I know better. And I know that I know better. Everything I complain about is so trivial. And I have the Gospel, for muffin's sake! I have no room to complain, no room at all. I know my purpose, I know where I'm going. I have the scriptures. I have the opportunity to go to dang BYU-I! I have so many talents. I have a great family. I'm not dirt-poor. I have absolutely NOTHING to complain about. So many blessings, and I don't recognise them often enough. But that's going to change.

Nothing to say, except that life is awesome (stay positive!)

Dendrite

K.545, please: It's what you do to me.

15 days. 15 days. 15 days. 15 days. 15 days.

Today as I was playing the keyboard, I just thought, "Hey. This is me. I'm doing this. Holy crap. I'm doing this. This is awesome!!!!" And I could feel my hands and my fingers, and it was just SO cool!!! It's my hands. It's just...awesome.

I discovered the secret for not-crispy cookies: make them bigger.

Whenever I make cookies, I make them too small. Today I used about 1/4 cup of dough, and they came out awesomely. 

Made this recipe:

http://www.allrecipes.com/Recipe/Best-Chocolate-Chip-Cookies/Detail.aspx

But I added 3 different kinds of chips: semisweet, milk, and white. I added loads more than 2 cups, though. They're so deliciousness. 

Last night I made fettuccine with 2 jars of bland sauce (I added salt, pepper, nutmeg to the sauce...a bit too much nutmeg...and it still wasn't good. Poo on jarred sauce, yes for homemade.) and broccoli and chicken. 

I really suck at cooking meat.

Tonight I made chicken + onion + bell pepper + lime + pepper + salt + chili powder = fajitas.

There's a lot of leftovers of both.

I'm going to miss having endless resources of ingredients. I'm going back to frugal eating in college (both to save money and to get skinny again).

I love piano.

It rained Saturday night, then it turned to snow, but it's melted now. And I decided that I like snow as long as it happens once or twice a month, and only if it's half a foot, and only if it melts within two days. 

15 days. Two weeks, 1 day. Looooovvvvvveeeeeeeeee.

I wish fifty million people read my blog so that I got fifty million comments.

That would make me happy.

I drew in chalk on the sidewalk, and it's going to look awesome when I've finished.

The song Hey There Delilah: Beautiful. You can't overplay that song. I don't know if it's the guy's voice, or the editing, or the words, or the music, or all four, but that song is probably the most romantic song I know, because he actually sings love. Too bad he's not pretty.

And those are my words.

General Conference is in ONE WEEK! Ying!

16 days.

Let's go let's go.

I need to finish packing.

I need to get out of this idiot state.

I fasted for real today. This might be just the second time in my life that I've actually fasted 24 hours. Usually I just do the "don't eat until after church" fast. 

Yesterday was long and my butt died. 

I set the alarm to 6:30 am, because there's something very satisfying about pressing the sleep button. So I pressed the sleep button until 7am. And then I slept in 'til 7:45, because my clock is 30 minutes ahead. (It's another one of those "very satisfying" things.) 

I threw some clothes on, and got ready, then went upstairs to see why no one else was awake. 

Dad said that they had decided to leave an hour later (we were supposed to leave at 8). Thanks for telling me, Dad.

I was already awake, so I did some more getting ready, then by time I was done people were up. I went and played the piano, then we left. 

It takes around 3 hours to drive to Detroit (it's either Detroit or Chicago where we have to go for the temple...) so we listened to hymns from my iPod and I sat and thought. Thaden was crabby for the last hour. 

We go there, and Mum and Dad discovered that all sessions were "by appointment". Hey-o. 

But they got in on standby.

So I walked Thaden around in the stroller for around 10 minutes, then he fell asleep and I read scriptures. Then it was kind of cold so I went to the car and tried to put him in. He woke up (claro que si). So for the remaining hour and a half, I chilled in the car, bored, while he clambered all over the place. 

Then Dad came out at 4:18, and changed Thaden. Then I went inside to see Mum. 

The Detroit temple is tiny, and right next to a highway (like, RIGHT next to a highway). It doesn't have the same feel as the Nauvoo or Rexburg temples-- until you go inside. I was wondering why it felt different, whether it was just me, but then I went inside those doors and it was like, "HEY". It whooshed me. It was SO COOL. And that was just to go into the waiting room, where you don't need a recommend (I think). Man, I really love the temple, and I'm kicking myself for not going more often last semester. A girl from my ward who's also going to BYU-I and who is also on summer/fall went once every week. I'm going to do that with her this semester. I just never knew when it was open, and I didn't want to go there and like, desecrate the temple or something because I wasn't supposed to go in for some reason. And I'm afraid of doing things alone. Little Miss Wuss, Little Miss No-Confidence. Little Miss Shy. (Side note- I have absolutely no social skills. For some reason, when I got to BYU-I, I was less shy, but now that I'm out in the real world, I keep my eyes downcast, I stay away from social situations, and I'm so so so awkward around people, even people I know well. I'm awkward if I see Piano Teacher at church. Here's another reason why I'm stupid: if I see someone I know, I keep my head down and pass them without saying "hi" unless they notice me and say "hi" first-- unless it's someone I know well or with whom I am best friends. Like you, Kat, for example. I wouldn't do that to you. I am so stupid. I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm done with college and have to leave that awesome "Spirit of Ricks". Probably die.)

Where was I? Oh, temple. 

So it was like that one travelling youth conference where we went on a tour of the Church of Christ temple with the big spirally thingie to our church's Visitor's Center. The C of C's temple was pretty and all, but it was cold, empty. Then we went to our Visitor's Center, and the difference was phenomenal-- it was just a visitor's center, not even a church and definitely not a temple, and you could feel the spirit there. For me, that was the worst youth conference in the history of youth conferences, but I'll never forget that experience.

But I side-tracked again.

It was just like, once I opened the doors, I was like, "OH okay, so this is where the spirit is."

It's nice outside, don't get me wrong. It's still peaceful, and it kind of has the feel of a church building. I don't know if it's the highway right next to it and the cars rushing by at 50 mph that makes it feel different, or if it's something else, (or maybe it's just me- I hope not) but it doesn't feel the same on the outside as the Rexburg and Nauvoo temples. 

So I went in to see Mum. Then the youth from our ward arrived (they were doing baptisms for the dead and Mum and Dad were helping, and I had to watch Thaden for another two hours) and I took Thaden to the car. I drove around for about 25 minutes, and looked at some wicked awesome for-real rich-person houses (it made me so jealous- the houses were HUMONGOUS and they had some NIICEEE cars. I would have lOVEd to take photos of everything, but I probably would have gotten stoned for being poor). It's this awesome neighbourhood with a school called Cranbrook or something and it's for snobby rich people (I call them snobby because I'm jealous- I wish I were rich. Oh, how I wish I were rich. But only when I'm in rich-people areas, like neighbourhoods like these or like malls or like suburbia).

During the drive, Pooless fell asleep, and I drove back and chilled on my computer. Then an unbaptised girl who goes on the temple trips anyways and who waits in the waiting room for the whole two hours came out and chilled with me in the car. Pooless woke up after an hour and a half and cried for 15 minutes. Yes, I am horrible. But I did try to get him to stop crying. I'm just not good with kids. (Why'd they put me in primary?) 

After a while I gave him some grapes and he was cool. 

Then everyone came out and took a group photo and we left.

The three hour drive home was horrid. I was tired, impatient, bored, and in a bad mood (none of your business). So I just gave in and listened to not-as-happy music on the way home (Collide, anyone? It's a flashback to my idiot 9th grade year- "idiot" is a HUGE HUGE understatement. If I could go back and kill myself, I would.)

But that's just my stupidity.

Stupid.

Anywho, anywhere, anyhow and anyways, today was good. I was going to get up early and play piano, but I was too tired, so I just played it after choir practise (we're singing this absolutely beautiful song called "This is the Christ". I'm singing alto-- yee!!). While still fasting. So it wasn't as good as it could have been, but I still enjoyed it. Then I went home and that part's boring, so I'm done.

16 days. 16 days. 16 days. It's too long.

I need to learn chords.

I have chordae tendinae. 

Axon Dendrite Lammi, over and out.

Back to the best place on earth (at this point in my life).

18 days!

All of a sudden, I was just filled with an intense desire to be back, back home.

This state is cursed; it does things to me. I felt miserable today. 

(of course, that may just be because I don't take my meds regularly...don't tell mum. it's such a pain, you know?)

And I've tried, I really have. But I don't like Aorta (to put it mildly). I need to be away from her, because she makes me dislike myself even more (putting it mildly again). We're complete opposites, and no matter how benign our actions, whatever one of us does usually annoys the other. Maybe she's like cheese, and even though she'll always smell disgusting, she'll get better with age. At least, I pray that she does. 

(otherwise i'll never be able to be around her. everything about her- her interests, her tastes, her actions, her personality- bother me. she embodies nearly everything i hate.)

I packed today. I have a lot of clothes I want to bring. And I need more jeans. Mum shrunk one of my pairs.

(it was the only pair i didn't feel humongous in because it was a loose pair. oh well, more incentive to lose weight when i get back. i've gotten so fat; it's disgusting. this state is cursed.)

I want to become better at photography. I will become better at photography. For some reason, I didn't take many photos my first semester. For some other reason, I rediscovered photography when I came back. So now I'm going to develop (ha ha) that talent.

The youth have a temple trip tomorrow...or today, rather. Aorta and Smells are riding with the youth, Schink has a cub scout thing so he's staying behind, and me and Mum and Dad and Pooless are driving the 3 hours to Chicago so that I can babysit Pooless while Mum and Dad do a session and then help with the youth. It's gonna be a long day (especially because I'm an idiot and am staying up late). 

Piano Teacher tried to explain time signatures to me and I still don't really understand them. I do understand the whole 4-beats-per-measure-quarter-note-gets-one-beat thing, and all that, but why use different ones? She said it was to change the feel of it, like 3|4 is like ONE-two-three ONE-two-three (like a waltz) and stuff like that. But I still don't really understand it. And what if it's a really wacko one like the 9|8 in the second half of "The Day Dawn Is Breaking"? (I think it's 9|8, anyways.)

Right, well, I made this awesome cake today:

http://www.allrecipes.com/Recipe/Too-Much-Chocolate-Cake/Detail.aspx?prop31=1

It's AWESOME. Seriously. No, seriously. NO, SERIOUSLY. 

No, seriously.

I need to be back now. Or I'll die. NOW.

Cor, I need patience. 

No, seriously.

I wish I could cook all day, or bake, or something. Maybe I should have lots of kids so that I'll be able to make food all the time. Maybe I should work in a bakery...naw. I'd mess everything up somehow.

What is it with all the crappy imitation-japanese art on deviantART? It really bothers me. But it is a community for everyone. (but it's not facebook, so one should not just post pictures of one's "new haircut" just to get attention...like i said, that's what facebook is for. stupids.)

Mum's still awake; it's 1:08 am. I'm gonna get off and go downstairs before she discovers me. I don't feel like sleeping, but I'm so dead. I hate sleeping. I want to play piano. Goodnight.

Drawing with chalk on the sidewalk

20 days.

I'm feeling artistic, for some reason. But right now I'm cooking dinner and cleaning the kitchen (because none of the stupid siblings clean up after themselves; dishes not only unwashed, but not even in the sink-all over the house (they're not supposed to be eating outside of the kitchen); pants complete with underwear on the floor; crumbs, half-eaten food; not to mention the rest of the house. Lazy curs. Mum's gonna die when I go back to college because Dad's at work all day and she's the only one who cleans up (aside from me) and the whole house is going to be in shambles.)

I'm trying out a new style, like the way this girl looks:

http://meluseena.deviantart.com/art/Alice-and-the-Caterpillar-117063531

It's pretty cool so far, but it looks a bit artificial because I have yet to adapt it to my style. But that shall come with practise. Hey-o!

I need to make a budget for coleggio if I'm going to stay during winter. 

I'm ready ready ready.

K.545-my project

I'm improving, and I'm so happy, and I'm so happy that I can tell I'm improving. I need to get confidence, though, because I can't play in front of people. Every time I play around people, I feel like I'm showing off if I play well, and that is so idiotic, and I know it's so illogical. But my brain is broken, and my head is backwards. 

I drew something on the sidewalk in chalk, and it looks awesome. I took photos of it from a ladder. 

There's something sticky on my shoe.

Piano Teacher praised my sight-reading skills again. Thank you. It makes me so happy to have at least one person express admiration (or whatever it is) of me. Every time you say "good job" or are impressed by what I do, it makes me feel so warm inside. Thank you for giving me free lessons. Thank you for your praise and encouragement and information. Thank you for providing me with music. Thank you for being so good at piano and showing me what I could be some day. Thank you for being completely honest all the time. I'm glad to have met you.

Pork chops. It's 8:13. Audiouse (That's fancy for "Adios")

SWEET CORN TOMALITO, BATMAN!!

22 days. 22 days.

3 Sundays.

Come on.

I need to pack.

<3

I'm making this:

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Sweet-Corn-Tomalito/Detail.aspx

And this:

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Sweet-Corn-Cake/Detail.aspx

On the second one, I added 1/2 cup sugar. SUgaR.

Make them, they're awesome. If you've ever been to Chevy's, you'll know these as the pile of yellow mush that they used to put a red cactus cracker in (they don't do the cactus cracker anymore). Speaking of Chevy's, I LOVE their tortillas and their chips and their salsa and their tomalito. Me 'n Dad 'n Mum went there while we were in Chicago waiting to go to the airport. The food ain't that good, but man, you can't beat those other four things. But I can make an awesome homemade salsa also, so I guess I can beat that. Ha.

And now I'm going to work on my Book of Drawings Past and Present. It's a huge project, and it's taken a LONG time. There's still so much more I need to do...but once it's done (I hope it's done before I leave) it'll be AWESOME. And hilarious and embarrassing and interesting. I'm excited. I'll be adding to it, too, at the end of each school year, or at the end of each note book. Hey-o!

The end. BWV 1042 is the now.

(I've decided that Baroque isn't one of my favourites)