Conflicts

So, stake conference. It was good. Our stake president is President Henry J Eyring, and he's a good speaker. We also had a member from the 2nd quorum of the 70 come and speak: an Elder Walker. He was fantastic. I learned much that I realised I need to know, from all speakers. Someday, when my life has passed me by, I'll lay around and wonder why I am known. It's so indescribably fantastic to know that Heavenly Father loves me, and knows me. I need to have more faith. I really need more faith.

Once upon a time, my roommate is somebody for whom I have immense respect, and she has been my favorite person that I've met (besides Beth...) since being at college. She is the most selfless, most kind, most considerate, super-funny person that I've ever met, and she's beautiful besides. She's sweet, loves the gospel, keeps the rules, doesn't do anything bad. Loves the spirit. Always gets something out of church meetings. She's smart. She's amazing. It makes me very sad that she won't be here next semester. She will always be an example to me, and I hope that she will always be my friend. Her name is Erika Z. I love this girl, and I really really really really really really really really want her to be happy, and I really want her life to work out in a happy manner. She deserves everything good. She cares so much about people. She thinks about everyone but herself. She's just....awesome.

Someday, in the eyes of a passerby, I'll look around for another try, and fade away. (Someday by Sugar Ray)

I need to decide what I'm doing with my life. I was super-stressing about it today. I don't know where my life is headed. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want to do. I don't have the security of a husband, and I don't know if I'm supposed to be going on a mission. If I had not decided to stay for Fall semester, I would probably be at the MTC by the end of this year. But now, I don't even know if I'm supposed to be going on a mission. I don't know. Nobody said this was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard. And I still have to write Elder J. Or write him off, rather. Ha. Ha.

Oh, the self-interested individual that is Chloe Lammi.

I learned that I value people's trust. I very highly value people's trust. I also know how to trust people, and I know how people trust me.

Tomorrow, I have to go visiting teaching.

I'm watching my friend's guinea pigs for half a week while she and her husband go out of town. I'll have to walk quite a ways to get to her house to feed the darn things. But since I am able, I will do it. I can just do homework while I'm there. Maybe spend a night there. That would be sweet. She also said I can eat their food while they're gone...free food. Huge motivator for me. Food is good. Free is better. Free food is best.

I love family. I miss my family. And today, I told myself a secret: I want to have a family. At least, some deep-down part of me does. Some deep-down part of me wants to get married and have children. Fortunately, it's DEEP down. So I can ignore it, except for those very rare situations where it cuts through and sort of stabs my heart a little, and then it hurts me to think that I'm nowhere near marriage. But that's not often, so it's okay.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I want to play. I'm tired. I sleep-deprive myself. Not good times. I need to go grocery shopping.

Oh, life. Oh, gospel.

Please, lead me to where I need to be, or at least let me know I'm going the right way.