Unoriginal Blog Title

My dream last night was about American Idol, except the hosts and judges and background staff were huge jerks in my dream. It was odd.

The weather has been wondiferous the past week-ish. I love it. Also, for one of my internship projects, my hours were cut to 10 per week, which was nice, so now I have more time for homework. The other project is on hold to see whether it will continue, so for now, I need only work on one project. It's SO NICE! I actually have time to study AND do free time AND be with the family. My life isn't just work-school-video games or read for an hour-bed anymore. But the break will be but brief, as I will soon be on a mission, which means that work amps up to 24/7, instead of 10/5. Boo. But also yay, because I hear it'll be "the best experience of my life" &c.

I'm going to go back to studying leg muscles now. It's a pain in the gluteus maximus for sure.

Hero by Frou Frou (Cover)

It does upset me from time to time that all my friends are getting married and having children and progressing in their lives, and I don't even have a short-term post-mission plan. My white knight must have met another broad along the way, and thus I am left without. Qué lástima.

Thought

Nobody can prove that the Book of Mormon is true. There is no solid evidence, nothing to show that it is real. It cannot be logically explained (in terms of the world's logic). In order to know that the Book of Mormon is true, one must read it. Read it, with a desire to know whether it is true. Read it with an open heart. Read it with a willingness to accept it if it is true. And then you must pray to know whether the Book of Mormon is what it has been claimed to be. Given that Heavenly Father answers all prayers, this prayer will be answered. And it is nothing but the witness of the Spirit that will tell you to your heart and soul whether the Book of Mormon is true, whether Joseph Smith was a prophet, whether the LDS church is indeed the true church of Jesus Christ. Missionaries cannot prove it. Higher authorities in the church cannot prove it. It must be learned for one's self.

Dreams v Reality

Right now, dreams are winning. They're so much more flexible, exciting, and imaginitive than real life. And they still have rules, which is cool too. Cada mañana I find myself pressing the "Sleep" button because my dream isn't finished. In dreams, you can have massive, neverending adventures. Fantasy creatures exist. People who you like can like you back. You can have massive, neverending adventures. You can have abilities that you are unable to have in real life. It just seems like a better deal, to live in a dream. And if I didn't know better, and if it was possible, I would enter the experience machine, where you really could live in a dream and do what you want and have what you want.

I mean, who goes to non-BYU YSA wards anyway?

Not me. I decided I like my family more, and also that I don't have time for friendship. My days are institute and homework. I thought having only 2 classes would be easy. I was WRONG. But it's cool. I'll get into the hang of doing homework all day.

I like being at home. Just by living here and being around family boosts the relationship somehow.

It snowed today. It's not going to last. But it will in the mountains, ensuring that I won't get to attempt The Long Hike anytime soon. But I do so love when the clouds disappear the mountains.

I'm going to rid myself of my M/W institute class to give myself more time for homework. Maybe.

Dad made homemade doughnuts tonight after dinner. They were fried and sugary, and that's all that matters.

A Recent Happpening

A boy talked to me this morning. It was kind of funny. I came to the institute early to do some homework, because some cuss-word cuss-words are siphoning our internet somehow. I was looking for a plug near a table or a chair, because Defunct Dell cannot survive for longer than 3 minutes unless it is constantly sucking at an energy source. Alas, the only plug that was near a table also came with a boy who was doing homework on his computer. As technology has not yet advanced to the point where one can know the intentions of another by just looking at them, nor does the social code allow for a blatant statement of one's intentions, I had to just keep in my mind that I knew that the only thing I wanted was to do my homework, not husband-hunt. It went well for about thirty minutes, until he had to plug his computer in. This also required (being serious here) that he sit directly across from me. Annoyance. But I read his intentions as "also just doing homework". Still, about ten minutes later he was silently hemming and hawing, looking around, up, down, and I, curious to see whether he would actually speak to me, refused to initiate the conversation. Eventually, he did. A few sentences were exchanged, and then I got back to work, though I knew I could have continued the conversation. Again, I was curious to see whether he would pick up the conversation later, or leave it at that. I was surprised when he, while packing up, again attempted some words. I was pleased with his performance and conversed with him. The conversation was light and friendly, without awkwardness, and shortened when I mentioned that I was going on a mission. It was an interesting experience, being the first time a boy initiated a conversation with me when I was plainly hunched in my work. I wonder what variable caused a conversation to be had in this situation as opposed to other similar situations. I can say one thing, though: being engrossed in one's work is apparently not an absolute deterrent in a boy's determining whether he will begin a conversation, as I have hitherto been led to believe.

In other news:
I still don't have my call. If it doesn't come this week or the next, I'm contacting my stake president.
I attended a YSA ward this past sunday in the hopes of obtaining some friendships for the purpose of performing out-of-the-house activities with people. I will continue to attend.
I've rediscovered my love for video games, to my fortune and misfortune. It gives me something to do, but it's not a productive something to do.
I'm taking four institute classes, one being a mission prep class. It's the best religion class I've ever had.
My dreams of late have been vivid, and memorable. They're the kinds of dreams that cause me to be affected for the remainder of the day, with some dreams having a larger impact than others.
I am glad to be going on a mission, but if I had a choice, I think I'd rather be married. But I can tell that I won't be married until after.
If you've never read The Time Machine by H.G. Wells, do so. It's a wonderful short story.
If any of the few who read this blog know of any good fantasy-adventure books, or any books which feature a charming, male, loveable-rouge type character as the protagonist, let me know. These are my favorite kinds of books, and my favorite kinds of characters.

A Relaxational Saturday

Meh...I'm ready for Thanksgiving break. It should be Tuesday.

So I'm trying to prepare a lesson that I'm supposed to be teaching tomorrow, on the Millennium. I can't tell what I'm supposed to be teaching about, or how it's supposed to go. Then again, I am tired, and so my mind isn't very clear. I'm going to get up tomorrow at 8 (church is at 9:30) and try again.

My roommate has been skyping her boyfriend nearly all day. It seems very odd to me. I don't think this is normal.

I made flan yesterday. The recipe I used made it WAAAY too sweet. In the past three days I've also made fried rice, curry, and this mushroom-eggplant-bamboo shoot sautee thing. The mushroom thing was the most delicious and the easiest to prepare.

I still don't have an internship for next semester. I am bothered by this.

I just want to hurry up and get my license so I can input the information for my papers so I can submit them so I can get my call so I can count down until I go on my mission. If it weren't for my license holding me up, I would have had my papers in like 3 or 4 weeks ago. Annoyance!

I feel as though I will never get married. But it's okay, because I have a life plan now.

I really really really want it to be next week. I'm excited to see my family again, and hang out with Aurora, who just broke up with her boyfriend and so now she'll be hanging out with just the family and not him, like the last 2 times I've seen her. I'm also excited to see the mountains. I miss the mountains.

Today felt like a semi-productive day, and an awesome day. My body woke me up at around 8, which was offensive-I stayed up until almost 2 last night. So I stubbornly stayed in bed until 9, then woke up, felt motivated, and found some exercise videos on youtube and "exercised" for about an hour. It wasn't very strenuous, but it was something, at least. Then I had a small pre-breakfast so my stomach wouldn't eat itself, then I showered, then I had a real breakfast. I cleaned my room, went with my roommate to the store, did a bit of homework, and read a book. Then two of my roommates and I went to Wingers (and I have leftovers! I love leftovers), and then I went to a voice lesson that my friend is doing with me this semester for her voice pedagogy class. After that, I came home and read a book, then took a nap, then tried to prepare my lesson and it didn't work.

So the best part about today was that I had only one prior engagement (the voice lesson), and aside from that, I got to choose to do whatever the heck I wanted. I even got to lounge around. This was the perfect weekend for such a thing, because I have almost nothing that I need to be doing, homeworkwise. It's been lovely.

But I still wish it was Tuesday. I want to go home.

Today

I'm expanding my horizons by listening to music on musicindiaonline.com. They even have several genres available for listening to. Sweetness. I love the scale they use. It sounds so cool.

I talked to a counsellor person about internships. They gave me a resource. I have to contact people now. I also have to study for a biology test tomorrow.

I love chicken and rice. It's my dinner staple.

Jazz dance test was today. I lost the count right at the end, so I messed up. Bother.

I wish I had some deep thoughts right now, but I'm listening to music.

Regarding Internships

So, I'm looking for internships. It turns out that I have no idea what I'm doing, and I don't know where to go to look for them. If I can't find an internship before next semester, then I'll have to defer for a semester, go on a mission, and still have a lousy stinking worthless internship to get through. The worst part is that I'm not even going in to economics. I have my life plan, and it does not require a stupid internship. Stupid. And whatever you do for your internship "has to be directly related to your major". Bah. Pee on them. I'm frustrated.

They don't even help you find a major. See, if I were a home ec major, it wouldn't be so bad. For their internship, they can work anywhere: payless, albertsons, on campus. Then they do student teaching, and the school helps them there. Accounting, business, all the useful majors, it's also not hard. But I feel economics majors get shafted. About the only internship we can do is a "junior data analyst" internship. Blah.

I'm stressed. I just want to get an internship, finish my papers (which means I have to renew my license, which means I have to wait until Thanksgiving break), and graduate and go on a mission, then begin my life. Poo.

If anyone knows anyone who needs an economics intern for January-April 2012, let me know!!

Things

I'm going on a mission. My papers are almost done, I just need to renew my license and then input that information. They should be in during Thanksgiving break. Good times.

I need an internship next semester. I didn't get the one I wanted in Rexburg (which also happened to be the only place I applied), so I'm looking for something in Ogden or Salt Lake City.

Ballroom nights and my social dance classes aren't as fun as they used to be. I'm not a social dancer. I want to dance to become better at it. I do dance for fun, but I want to look good while doing it. I want to have all the proper technique. I want to know the steps. I want to be excellent.

I decided that biology is my calling in life. Not barfy economics. Gah.

I'm excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas break. I wish it were now. I'm not excited for this weekend.

I'm not ready to be done with school, but I think I'm ready to be done with this school. I do love it, and I have all my friends here, but I'm a moving-on sort of person. I don't like to stay in one place for too long.

It's too early in the day for it to be this dark. CURSE YOOOOU WINTEERRRR!

On Goals and The Perfect Man

I WILL become an excellent dancer, even if for it I must sell my soul!!!! In lindy hop, in blues, in ballroom, I will be excellent. I WISH I had a dance partner so that I could practise all the time, and learn new moves, and have someone to work with for competitions!!

If I could make the perfect guy, I would give him a strong testimony. Then I would make him LDS. He would have any color eyes, any color hair. He would be at least a few inches taller than me. He would be a natural leader in dance, and our styles would match...but not too much, so that I could expand his style and he mine. He would have good musicality. He would be kind to everyone, and friendly, and he would make everyone feel special. He would read his scriptures daily, and would be willing to discuss the things that he read with me. He would absolutely love to dance--this would be one of his greatest passions in life. His other greatest passion would be the gospel, so that he could help me along. He would pray often. He would love the outdoors: hiking, biking, fishing, climbing, canoeing, rafting, exploring, and all manner of outdoor activities. He would have served a complete mission, and would tell me stories about it. He would be intelligent, so that I'd have someone to talk to who would understand my topics. He would be handsome, or cute, or attractive. He would be happy, positive, laid-back, optimistic, but also realistic. He would be able to express himself through dance. He would be open about things he didn't think were good for me, or things that he think I should improve upon for my own sake, and he would say these things with a loving intent. He would be better with showing and understanding feelings than I am, so that he'd be better with kids. He would think about others, and remember them, to make up where I lack. He would want to listen to me play piano. He would ask me what I was thinking. He would listen to me. He would dance with me. He would teach me dance, and would be patient about teaching me.

Unfortunately, the perfect guy doesn't exist. And even if he did, he wouldn't want me. I don't have much to offer in return, especially if he had dance skills. But hey, I can dream, can't I? In fact, I'm going to go do just that.

School's Starting Tomorrow...

How is it that we cannot stop hoping that the people who we like, who do not like us back, will like us, even when we know logically that there is no chance of reciprocation? Why do we still try? Is it emotions again? I know, logically, that there are people who will never like me back, yet I still have a hope that they will. I wish I could become a Vulcan.

Also, I looked at my current debt. Knowing the amount makes it less scary. Now, I just need to find a job that's close enough to my parent's house so that I can save on expenses, and pay off my loans as quickly as possible. Then I'll save for a car, and once I have a car, I'll save so that I can start life on my own, perhaps down in Provo, because there's dancing there.

Now that school's starting tomorrow, I'm anxious, in both a good way and a bad way. Good, because it's learning, and it'll give me something to do, and with the beginning of school comes the beginning of school dances; Bad, because it means that graduation is nearer, and because it means I have to call for an interview for an internship soon, and because I've been on break and so I have to get back into the habit again.

I'm also anxious that I won't be able to get into the O-Chem class that I want, and so I'll be less 3 credits that I'll need to fill with something, and I don't really have a backup plan in mind.

Also, for the past 2 nights I've had chase dreams, the type where the pursuers are only minutes behind, and where you escape by only a hair. Two nights ago, I dreamt that a psycho hick guy, age 24-26, was chasing me and my sister with a razorblade. He was relentless, and managed to cut me many times before I stabbed his eyes out. He always had a semi-blank, almost calm, leering expression on his face, and once I stabbed out his eyes, he put away his razors and left. It was only a simulation from this haunted house thing that my family went to, but it felt very real.

Back in Rexburg

I miss Utah. I miss my family. I miss the mountains. I miss hiking. I miss dancing in Provo.

And yet, graduation means that I lose all my friends, and all that is familiar. I lose the opportunity to take more classes, and I lose the hope of finding a husband. I lose the privilage of deciding what to do with my life. I have to decide now, and I don't know what to do. It changes weekly, even daily. I have no direction, and thus, no purpose. I don't know what I'm working towards. I just know that I now have debt hanging over me, and I have to find a job so that I can pay it all off. But I don't even know what jobs are available to me with my limited experience and unattractive resume. I don't even know how to look for a job. I don't know what to do. It's overwhelming. It's daunting. It's bothersome. If I didn't have debt, I would live at home for a while, going dancing every week, and decide what to do. I shouldn't have to know what I want to do with my life when I'm this young. And aren't I supposed to be married and having kids or some nonsense like that, anyway?

I'm stressed. Severely stressed. I need a good dance. Unfortunately, there are no good dances in Rexburg. Just the school dances, with the same crappy DJ who plays the same crappy music, and everyone does the same basic moves, and too few follow the music, and too few are good leads.

I wouldn't be so stressed if I knew I had a job after college. But I don't even know where to start. I hate it. And I can't just work minimum wage; that's not enough to sustain me. I feel like my degree will go to waste, and I'll end up working at an unsatisfactory job that pays much less than I need, forcing me to live at home and having no freedom.

I'm stressed, and sick of waiting for school to start. One and a half more days of doing nothing, and then it begins. But it's always a slow beginning.

Home...

I remember now why I hate Michigan: there's absolutely NOTHING TO DO HERE!!!!

I want to dance. I really want to dance. The nearest swing dance place is THREE HOURS AWAY in stinking Ann Arbor. Muskegon contains nothing but zillions of trees. I hate it.

We're driving out next Monday. Just one more week to endure.

It wouldn't be so bad if even one person in the family would take time to dance with me. But everyone's being stupid and they don't even want to learn the nightclub two-step. So I have bouts of helping to pack (whenever mom directs me) and doing nothing (whenever mom is not directing me. All packing must be done under her direction). All the books are packed, so I can't even read. Gay. And I absolutely refuse to watch TV, and I don't want to watch movies unless it's night time.

I had a dream last night about dancing. Except when I went to the dance, it turned out to be just a pool party and I didn't even get to dance. It was so disappointing. But at least there's a hope of a dance in my dreams, whereas in real life, there's nothing there until Thursday of next week. AAAHHH!!!

I don't know what I'm gonna do after college. It's been only two weeks since the busiest semester of my life, and I'm already recuperated. What the heck am I supposed to do when I graduate? Get a stinking job? I'll have no friends. I don't think there's dancing every night. I'm not married. I'll have no purpose in life. That's unhappy. College (i.e., learning) and dancing are my reasons to live. I'll still have dance, but that only gives me half of a reason to live. I want to be an eternal student. I must go on for a master's. But the question after that is: a master's in what? What the heck am I gonna do for the rest of my life? I hate deciding this. I shouldn't have to decide this at twenty years old. I'm frustrated.

Today

Things I hate:

-Sucky managers
-Assaults against my integrity
-Pansies
-Complainers
-A "My opinion is always right!" attitude
-Going against the convention for the sake of going against the convention...and then being vocal about it
-Wet pants
-Frozen butt
-Lack of bed
-White Glove and a biased manager to check the white glove
-Poor sports
-Making a mountain out of a molehill
-Packing
-Moving
-Girls who agree with a guy solely because they like the guy

On Obsession

I went to bed thinking about dancing, and woke up to dreaming about dancing. It was one of those slow wake-ups, where you gradually realize that the dream is not reality, and it fades further away, until you are at a functional and logical point of consciousness. As the dream faded out, reality faded in, and reality was that I was hungry, and that my toe hurt. My mind is wonderfully one-track when I wake up tired, so I went downstairs and took care of my toe first. It had gotten a cut yesterday, and I could feel that it was getting infected, so I washed it with soap, and then squeezed out the infected pus junk. I marvelled at how fast an infection can occur. Then I looked to see if anyone had hydrogen peroxide, or some sort of alcohol, but nobody did, so I used nailpolish remover instead. I poured it on, dried it, then used a q-tip and swabbed the cut. Then I went to the kitchen to find food. Hey look. Eggs. So now I'm making eggs.

Wasn't that fun?

I am sore amazed, because waking up hungry definitely means that I don't eat enough. I forget to eat whenever I go dancing. Thus, I truly have found my one passion: when you love something enough that you forget to eat, then it must be something that you love deeply. O! to have found my passion earlier! But at least I've found it. I'm going to try to get an internship up here for the winter so that I can have 2 more semesters up here, and I'll be able to take more dance classes and continue to go to ballroom and swing nights and workshops. By that time I hope to have gotten good enough to take off the training wheels.

So, yeah. I shall now be sleep-deprived because I was hungry because I forgot to eat because I was dancing. Time to prepare my sunday school lesson, I suppose.

The end.

On Swing Dancing

I LOVE SWING DANCING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ballroom workshop was tonight. It was open dance. The whole time, I was just wanting to swing dance. Part way into the dance, someone who goes to swing, who is really good, who I've danced with before, appeared at the doorway as a swing song came on, and we danced superfast. I felt bad, because I'm nowhere near as good as him, but I wanted to swing, dang it. It was SO fun!!! I got to swing with him twice. Ah yeah!

I'm also gonna be a manager-or-something for ballroom workshop next semester. Look at me, all getting involved and stuff.


I'm supposed to be doing homework. I'm listening to jazz. I'm tired. Tomorrow's Friday. I want to dance. I love dancing. I hate homework.

On Semester's End

Well, it's nearing the end of another semester. I'm still without definitive life plans. Still without a significant other. Still without a job plan. Still without an internship. Still without a desirable sleep schedule.

Swing dancing tonight. Vintage night. It was fantastic...but it ended before 11. It still went the full 2 hours of dance, but they had to start at 8:30. It was nice in the beginning, because the girl-to-guy ratio was favorable. But around 9 when all the rest of the girls started coming, it wasn't as fun.

I got all dressed up. Looked awesome. Sportin' the red lipstick. Danced with a whole bunch of awesome people. Funny story: I danced with a kid who was there from highschool. He did not know what he was doing. Instead of being bored or disappointed each time he asked me to dance(since he asked me 3 or 4 times), I sort of led myself and made stuff up, while sort of teaching him as well. And it was SOOO fun!!!! I think I had the most fun dancing with him, just because there were no rules, no form to worry about, no technique to break. It was pure danceage. The only disappointing part was that he asked me to dance on 2 of the best songs of the night. They were both blues songs, and I could feel them, and he didn't. He wasn't as good at keeping with the beat, but I forced him to by keeping myself with the beat. Ha. But seriously, it was just FUN. I could do anything (and I did do anything) and just make stuff up, and have fun with it! I think I had a taste of what leads feel like. Especially leads who dance with non-good follows. It was still fun, because his inability to dance/follow didn't ruin my fun (which is probably why the awesome people still dance with me), but it would have been way fun with someone who could follow. I worked within his frame, though. I didn't do anything that would mess up the groove. It was fun. I felt fully confident and in control. I need a dance partner with whom I can connect like that. Which probably means that I need to get married.

The kid who liked me tried to do his version of blues with me at the end, but it wasn't a blues-feeling song. I didn't feel the blues to it. As a result, I was once again just having fun, and I was chastised for it. Bad dancing strategy. I chastised him back: "Hey. I'm having fun." Ha!


So, related story: Last night (Tuesday night) I had a dream about a guy at swing that I had a smallish crush on (hey! first one of the semester!). I was talking to him about something-or-other. Then in the dream, I had a dream. It was me and this guy, and we were again talking, but he was more humoring me than anything. We were in this building in a city, and the room we were in was like the front of a shop. We were talking again, and then a song came on that's been stuck in my head for the past 4 days: Fever. Then I started blues dancing (or at least my dreaming brain's interpretation of it) and stuff. But he didn't really respond; he thought about it, but decided to still humor me instead. Bummer.

I love dreams.

I'm supposed to be doing homework. I was supposed to have been doing it since I got home. But when I got home, I was bummed because dancing was over, and because I don't have a man, so I went skateboarding with my roommate. By skateboarding I mean riding on a skateboard and looking like one of those wussy girls who try to look cool. We went to Broulim's and got food, cause I hadn't eaten but twice. Then we came home, chatted with other roommates, and then watched harry potter 6 pt 1.

Take home message: Swing Dancing. If I knew how, I would allow it to consume my life. But currently, my only access is through Wednesday nights and Saturday mornings. I want more. I want every night to be swing. I am obsessed.

Lingering question: Where is my love?

On Frustration

I don't send signals. I don't recognize signals. As a result, I will never be married, unless a boy decides to be supremely persistant. This doesn't happen. Therefore, I will never be married. And this makes me frustrated.

But today was good. Church, in which my two roommates and I decided to go to another ward for 2nd hour, and we just happened to go to mission prep, and we got to teach about Joseph Smith's vision. It was awesome. Then home, and I made caramel corn for a potluck. Then I skyped my family. I miss them. Then I went to the Kirkham and played piano, and made variations on hymns. It was fun. Then, visiting teaching, which was good, then to the park. I listened to a bunch of strings (even a bass!!) play hymns, and VERY VERY well did they play. They played variations too, and put stylings, and basically improvised. It was awesome!!!!!!! I finished a painting for class while they did that. There was also this little girl, and she was shy, so I let her paint on some paper. Her mom was happy about that. After the strings were done, I went to the echo room, played guitar for the hymns that I had chorded, and even sang. In public. And I think I could have a really good voice if I would take lessons (and I don't compliment myself lightly). But I'm not a soprano. Then I watched the clouds, and waited for mi amiga to pick me up. THE CLOUDS WERE AMAZING TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful. Then we went up to the temple and watched the sunset. The clouds were amazing. Then we went to my house, and I observed her flirt, and realized that I'll never be good at it. Then we got free dinner from her neighbor, and played Speed and Nertz. Then we went to her house and talked for an hour. Then I went home, and now I've decided that I'm frustrated that I never have even a hope for any of my crushes, so I don't even try, because my brain tells me that yes, I deserve someone awesome, but whenever I see someone awesome, I feel like they're too awesome to notice me, so I don't even try. MASSIVE GRARRRL OF FRUSTRATOINNNSLKNONWOIENOINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a strange, self-defeating loop. I'll never be married. I'll never date. I'll never be in another relationship. I've only been in 2 relationships, and the first occured because I pursued it hardcore (when I was still naive) and the second because it was arranged. As in, we pretended to date at first to get a stalker off his back. I really am lame. I've never had a real relationship. In my entire life. That's pathetic. If that's the case, then does that not show that I'm not as awesome as everyone and myself say I am? But my brain rejects this. Why can I just not understand how to send and receive signals?!?!! Such a simple concept, and my intelligent brain cannot grasp it. Whatever.

So, my frustration is leading me to stay up late, and do homework, and listen to non-sunday music, even though it's technically not sunday anymore. I think this mood will last until tomorrow.

In other news, I had a dream that I was somehow married to that guy who likes me, and I was very very unhappy about it, but I knew that I shouldn't get a divorce. I was also drunk at one point. It wasn't a happy dream, but interesting nonetheless. I have never had a dream that I haven't enjoyed.

I am frustrated. I hate boys. I hate the game. We're playing with limited information. That always leads to a sub-optimal solution.

The End.

On Exhaustion

My "Nuevo Tango" radio on Pandora has somehow become seeded with "Cut Chemist" and other not-really-related bands. They're cool, but yeah. I now get Flamenco (I think that was from the "Rodrigo y Gabriela" seed) and some type of house music. Nu jazz, et. al.

So, today was terrible, but tonight was fantastic. Dancing just makes everything better. I was exhausted because I had to stay up all night (minus 2 hours) doing this stupid excel thing for one of my classes, so I was exhausted all day. I had my recital, and it was okay. I wasn't terribly nervous, as I usually am. But I just wanted to dance. So straight after the recital (which ended around 8:15), I ran to the MC, where ballroom workshop started at 8. They were learning viennese waltz. Good times! So I learned the viennese waltz. Or rather, the basic step. My partner was a nice dude, and not a severe beginner, but not a pro either (but neither am I, so it's all good). I wish he was a better leader, and picked up on the steps more quickly, but he was a nice guy. Fun to socialize with. Near the end, the instructor taught us what he called a "gold level" step (really difficult or something), and we learned it in like the last 2o mins of class. As we were dancing, he was giving some instruction, or talking about something, and he said of me, "I've been watching her and she's actually very good!" And in front of all the class, too! I was so flattered!!!!!! Dancing compliments are the best!!!!

Last night, I was only able to go to swing dance for an hour, and I only got asked to dance three times (twice by the same dude-he's a nice guy), but the really good blues dancer guy, the instructor who gave me the compliments, asked me to dance. I had been sitting, exhausted, and resigned to watch the dancers, because only the people who were really good at dancing were being asked. So I was being all tired, and he asked me what was up, and I expounded upon my tiredness. But we danced, and it was fun, because he's all about improvisation and not just vanilla lindyhop. He told me that I had gotten really far, improved a lot, in just one semester. It made me happy. At the end of the dance, another of the really good dancers (who is actually in collegiate dance, I found out this last Saturday) who has danced with me before and said I'm fun to dance with, came up and sat by me, and we chatted a bit. But after the end prayer, I left, and gathered my things. The Blues Guy came over and wished me a better weekend, and then offered me a ride. I was supremely grateful, because I was tired and had loads to do and didn't want to walk home.

Other random things that happened today:
*I was studying in the Romney and some dude walking down the stairs leaned over the railing and said, "Good luck with whatever you're doing. I hope you do well!" And I said thanks. It made me smile.
*My harp teacher is impressed about a song I can play, and that I can do harmonics
*I found a ride to UT for tomorrow!
*I was able to take a short nap in the sun, and get sunburned again.

Good times, all of them. I love dancing. I can't wait for next semester!